Wash

Wash

A Poem by Zephyr
"

Probably my favorite out of everything I've written. I'm SO glad I recovered this.

"

Fractal light

slips through my fingers,

reflected off

mirror-bright puddles

 

and earth,

bubbled over the gravel,

leaves dark fingerprints

on my jeans;

 

laughter,

muddy glee,

footprints in clean kitchens

invade my mind

 

and, looking up,

 I laugh,

as silken skies

dissolve again

© 2008 Zephyr


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

maybe:

laughter, glee and

muddy footprints

in clean kitchens

all invade my mind

oops, that's not the last stanza:


I laugh again

looking up as silken skies

dissolve again

in cleansing drops.

Your words are so fun. Makes me want to jump in puddles and run through downpours. I liked it very much.




Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like this, every word invokes imagery. Wonderful.

Posted 8 Years Ago


i really liked this, it was so simple but descriptive and blissful. easy to see the images in your mind.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this has a very blissful, happy feeling. then it ends with an almost, other worldly/fantasy image.
a very ncie mix.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Trite.
How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve?
It tries, but I can easily see it becoming the basis for the next Britney Spears song. I've read your throw-down, and you can do so much better than this.

Your insight to human nature is what's wrong with this. You say that this is the best yet, but I tend to disagree. You are so much more than this. Become your own protagonist, and you'll make the poem exactly what you wanted from it.

Try harder, work harder, and you'll see what I mean.

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

simply beautiful - fantastic job

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the feel of this piece. Seems playful and flows quite nicely.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

maybe:

laughter, glee and

muddy footprints

in clean kitchens

all invade my mind

oops, that's not the last stanza:


I laugh again

looking up as silken skies

dissolve again

in cleansing drops.

Your words are so fun. Makes me want to jump in puddles and run through downpours. I liked it very much.




Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

i love your description of skies, i always dream afterwards

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I've read your poem like 3 times now... and I think it is just fine the way it is. I couldn't see any changes that needed to be made.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

sweet and easygoing, airy.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

379 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 6, 2008
Last Updated on February 12, 2008

Author

Zephyr
Zephyr

My Imagination



About
moar funny pictures Hello. When I joined a writing group in 2005, I discovered something that changed my life; writing is one of my true life passions. I love to write. If you have thoughts abou.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..