Wash

Probably my favorite out of everything I've written. I'm SO glad I recovered this.

Fractal light

slips through my fingers,

reflected off

mirror-bright puddles

 

and earth,

bubbled over the gravel,

leaves dark fingerprints

on my jeans;

 

laughter,

muddy glee,

footprints in clean kitchens

invade my mind

 

and, looking up,

 I laugh,

as silken skies

dissolve again

Reviews

[Emily B]

maybe:

laughter, glee and

muddy footprints

in clean kitchens

all invade my mind

oops, that's not the last stanza:


I laugh again

looking up as silken skies

dissolve again

in cleansing drops.

Your words are so fun. Makes me want to jump in puddles and run through downpours. I liked it very much.

[D S Rollins]

I like this, every word invokes imagery. Wonderful.

[xlynne]

i really liked this, it was so simple but descriptive and blissful. easy to see the images in your mind.

[Kara Hadley]

this has a very blissful, happy feeling. then it ends with an almost, other worldly/fantasy image.
a very ncie mix.

[Damian Alan Gray]

Trite.
How can I put this in a way so as not to offend or unnerve?
It tries, but I can easily see it becoming the basis for the next Britney Spears song. I've read your throw-down, and you can do so much better than this.

Your insight to human nature is what's wrong with this. You say that this is the best yet, but I tend to disagree. You are so much more than this. Become your own protagonist, and you'll make the poem exactly what you wanted from it.

Try harder, work harder, and you'll see what I mean.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

simply beautiful - fantastic job

[rootzpoet]

I love the feel of this piece. Seems playful and flows quite nicely.

[John Tom]

i love your description of skies, i always dream afterwards

[James K. Blaylock]

I've read your poem like 3 times now... and I think it is just fine the way it is. I couldn't see any changes that needed to be made.

[Gandré]

sweet and easygoing, airy.