Depression

I am posting one of my blog entries, because someone requested that I do so.

I feel like the bright days, are darker than night. I want to hide, and not come out. I want to run away and never be found. I don't have the energy to do what I once loved. I always feel sad, or mad. I don't even know what triggers my moods. I am not happy anymore. I just don't want to be around anyone. I am pushing everyone I love away. I am scared that something is really wrong with me. I would think that I would want to have friends, but I don't. I just want to be alone. I don't want people to be around me, I don't want them talking to me. I know I am worrying my parents. They ask me how I feel. How am I expected to explain something that I feel that I don't know how to explain. I can't even begin to express how I feel. I just want to push people away. I feel like I am just worthless. I feel like I just hurt people instead of helping them. I used to think that their lives would be better without me in it, but then my mom sat down with me and told me she would die without me. It takes a lot for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I have to tell myself I need to get out of bed just to show my mom that I am okay. I don't want her to know that I am hurting. I push through the day, just so she thinks that I am doing better. I ofter fake my smile just so she does not ask what is wrong. I would do anything for her. I wish I could just be happy again, but depression is not something you can just snap out of. I have to go to a doctor to find out what is wrong with me, but I don't want to go because I don't want to be put on medication. I would rather just live with this depression. I would rather keep this grey cloud floating above my head than take medication. I will become stronger. I will pull out of this!!!!

Reviews

[Jordan Mychal Hanley]

This simply is beautiful. I understand it all to well. The feelings the emotion, the doctors trips. I know more than anything what you go through every day. This piece is simply fantastic. I like the bolding and the enlarged lettering. Its a way of saying, "This is real, this is happening. This is how it is". Great job on the story. Keep up the amazing work!

[John]

If you truly are depressed, which I feel you are, know that you are not alone. I know that your mind will try to convince you otherwise, but know that you are not.
I , too, suffer from the same ailment. If life becomes too much, feel free to contact me.