The Stranger Within Me

 On a busy street in London, it was he who manages to catch my attention. The very essence of his attraction is so strong it makes me look up from the nugatory* social world trapped inside my phone. Against the lifeless wall of a building, he stands there looking at me with an admiring gaze. To my surprise, the young man does not frighten me. He has a soft glow to his face. The expressions on a stranger’s face never felt more welcoming and beautiful. His dark blue coat covers him good, but it still doesn’t stop me from imagining how every muscle and bone, every part of his flesh and pint of his blood radiates with confidence, emanating so brightly it seems to bring that wall to life.
   Slowing pace, my eyes fixed on him, but he didn’t seem real. Never in my life has anyone manage to catch my attention like this. Was I imagining things? Did my mind finally start playing tricks on me? At last, he smiles at me. My heart sinks. I could feel the adrenaline rush inside my blood. The expansion of arteries make my cheeks feel warm. For once in my life, I feel good about myself. The wind is on my side today, blowing my hair back as I slowly walk toward him. Time seems to have ceased for us. My pink dress probably matches the colour of my cheeks. Everything feels perfect. I, for once, feel perfect. My body is taken over by fascination and joy, and the glow on his face becomes brighter. Using those seventeen muscles in my face, I finally feel a smile spread across my lips.
   And, that is when it all begins to spiral down. What if he notices the imperfections in my teeth? What if I am not tall enough? Would I look as good as I did from far away? What if I am unable to speak fluently? Am I good enough? I stopped walking towards this person who still had his eyes on me. Is he noticing my flaws? I struggle to breathe, all my confidence is shattered and destroyed by an ambush, laid by my flaws.
   I crawl back into my shell again. The wind leaves my side, as well. It blows against me. My hair moves along with the wind, onto my face, hiding the melancholy and distress. 
   I brush it out of my eyes, only to notice how the handsome stranger’s image is slowly fading away. That glow suddenly begins dying, like the little flicker left on a melting candle.
   With the lifeless wall back to its original mundane look, the stranger was finally gone, and so were the small hints of self acceptance inside me.
   The man was not real, he was the confidence and the self love that I lacked, the force that could drive my doubts away. That stranger was my heart speaking to me, and I was the wall. 

Author's Note

Author’s Note:
*nugatory = worthless, unimportant, inconsequential, valueless, trifling, trivial, insignificant, meaningless.
*i want to thank a special friend R. for helping me and motivating me to write everyday*
self love, acceptance and confidence is a stranger to me
dont worry its just fictional writing i'm not actually a sad person XD

Reviews

[William Liston]

Being someone who loves to study human emotions, I found this piece both insightful and well-written. It not only had a meaningful message, but communicated that message in a strong way. I enjoyed the symbolism throughout, how it developed, how it resolved at the end, and how it was reflected in the title.
Your vocabulary and syntax are also spot-on; though, I do agree with JayG's point about the word "nugatory" ... I suggest replacing it with a simpler word.

A few more points to consider:
- The sentence that begins "the expansion of my arteries" feels a bit too specific and scientific for this story. I suggest simply saying "My cheeks begin to feel warm." The same goes for the phrase "using those seventeen muscles in my face" which I think needs to be omitted.
- Watch for switching tenses. This is written in the present tense, so part of the first sentence needs to read "it *is* he who *manages* to catch my attention."

If you need more explanation, just let me know. Based on this story, you're brilliant and deeply philosophical person ... I look forward to reading more of your works.

- William Liston

[pia]

Thank you so much for your review and advice and yes i did learn about my mistakes from jayc's review !!!

[pia]

I will be sure to read your work as well :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Interesting introspective set from the protagonist's psyche point of view. Lack of confidence is a real problem for many but hidden. The English language could be polished up but the story is balanced, intriguing and real enough to captivate and give rise to thought.

[pia]

Thank you john!!

[Richard🖌]

Absolutely fabulous, Pia!
I loved it; especially, the amazingly creative psychological aspect! I hope everyone gets the essence of this piece, because it not only reveals very meaningful dimensions of you, but many of us, as-well.
Good work in all aspects, Lady-Writer, with but a hint to throw-in a couple more indent spaces on your first line, to match the rest … LOL! And, dang girl(!), what a painting you picked to illustrate the mood … whew!
You’re sooo damned creative and original, I find myself envying the manner in which your mind and pen works … you certainly should be published.

Thanks, again, for allowing me to help you, Pia, and for the honorable mention;
I’m quickly becoming a smitten fan … sighhh* ⁓ Richard : )

[Sofia]

Wow!! This seems to be wonderful..i loved it...we should always have confidence...it was so well penned...thnx for sharing..

[pia]

Thankss sofia!!

[Sofia]

You're welcome

[Abhishek Asthana]

once again a superb job done... always ends with a moral that's what your specialty has become... one has to be a keen observer to write this kind of stuff and i am very much amazed to see that you have got this talent in a young phase of life... gorgeously written pia :)

[pia]

Thank you so much !!! Im so glad you liked it!!

[Eliazar]

I can't get over how amazing of a picture you've painted here. This is more than just a writing, this is ART! As far as allegorical works go this has to be one of the best I've read! Amazziiing work Pai!

[pia]

Thanks eloo !!

[Joey Nizz]

You have a really good visual sight and an amazing imagery for words, this work was rather calm and exciting at the same time, lol I dunno how to describe it but it was an amazing thing to start my day with.

Thank you for sharing! ^^

[pia]

Thank you !!!

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome.

[Deason]

A commonly discussed feeling nowadays presented in a new and insightful manner. Your originality is refreshing to read, and you are excellent in creating thoughtful symbolism that sticks with the reader. You cover a wide spectrum of emotions in your writings, and it's always a pleasure to read a relaxing piece of yours. Great work!

[pia]

Im so glad you liked this !!

[Taz]

Wow, I absolutely love the visuals here, they are so well done. Your vocabulary is awsome, your message is very prominant, and the metaphore that is used in this piece is so well placed. Awsome job. Thanks for the vocab lesson!

[pia]

Im glad you liked this !!! I appreciate your review !!

[Zoya]

This is a really wise piece. All true words. Wonder how you did it not being a 'sad' person XD

[pia]

Ahahahah imagination i guess xD
We're all really just sad people deep down lol

[Zoya]

hehe, true...xp