Chapter 1 - Campus Chaos

Chapter one of Ascension of Dimension Legend

Ahhh... What happened? Is my first thought when I wake up. I immediately look around and it seems my friends are waking up as well. After clearing my head on what just happened, I heard a scream. I look outside of the window, the buildings are damaged and something seems to be happening on ground level. I can't see from here because this room is on the 17th floor. 

 

After checking out the window, I look at my friends once again and notice something is wrong. The only face I recognize is Jack’s. I look at the others, two male and one female face I don't recognize at all. 

 

One of the males looks super strong; he might be one of those people who can participate in those super heavy weight lifting contests. He looks a bit confused on what is happening as well.

 

The other male, how do I say this...? He looks like a gigolo with an amazing spiky hair style. Talking about long hair, I can feel my hair being pretty long too. When was the last time I had a haircut? Well that is not important right now. 

 

The female is a girl who is about 5'10" and is incredibly beautiful. Any guy who looks at this woman will probably skip a beat and want to get her number. Strange, I think that way but I don't feel any urge to do that. Then what surprised me is Jack's question.

 

Jack: "Who are you guys?"

 

The others and I: "Huh?" 

 

Since he should remember me but as soon as I said that, I notice my voice seems off. Did my voice just crack? I tried clearing my throat but even that sounds off. Just what in the world is going on? 

......... 

... 

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Something impossible had happened to us. Yuuki is the one who turned into that amazing looking woman and it seems like the reason why she is always being the quiet girl was because of a complex. Her mother and sister are both models and she is the only one out of place. Because of that, she developed a complex and never speaks up since she believes only those who are beautiful should stand out. I guess her wish is granted after exposed to that light or something. 

 

Aside from Yuuki, the next one is more shocking. James, that skinny dude is actually the super muscle man I mentioned earlier. Apparently he always wanted to be like that but his family is poor and sparing some of the food expense is how they scrap by. I'm not sure how he was able to get into college if he is that poor but it would be rude to ask so I held back that question. 

 

The next one is just... Wrong. That Amy turned into that gigolo guy. It seems like Amy is a lesbian and we didn't know. She declares her gender has changed and we should call her Emil from now on. Really, I thought I understood her but I guess I don't. The only change is not only her gender, she got taller as well. She looks like a 6'1" male with great body proportion. 

 

Though Amy... Or Emil is not the only one whose gender changed. BINGO! That's right, I turned into a girl. We went into me right after Emil so they thought maybe I was gay the whole time. I immediately rebutted to that thought everyone had. I have absolutely no idea why I turned into a woman. I now have long going hair down past my chest and talking about chest. These pair of breasts is kind of heavy. I'm not sure how big they are but probably at least a D. My height didn't change much but I did shrink by 2 inches. Not that big of a deal for me but it did take me some time to get used to. 

 

So far, everyone has their desires and wishes granted to them. Just why am I the unlucky one? I don't get it. Then Yuuki decides that I should change my name like Emil. I want to refuse but all of them seem interested in me doing that and they probably won't stop until I do, after some thinking I decide to go with Naomi. I know this is not very creative but I have a bigger issue at hand. Everyone's changes are good to them but why just me? I guess I pulled the short straw when we were out cold. I would even trade places with Jack, the one who had absolutely no change at all. 

......

...

After a few hours of thinking together, we are completely burned out and gave up on figuring out why. Our only clue was that strange light I saw and us falling into the hole. Then we hear a scream that is so loud that can reach this room from outside. We decide to exit the room to check out the campus since that scream is clearly not normal. 

 

Dear god, it's so dangerous right now. The campus has become a lawless place. Murder, rape, and mugging is what we see happening everywhere. The ground is cracked everywhere and there is some kind of black smoke in some area. We see a few people run into the smoke and let out horrifying scream soon after.

 

Me: "What is this?"

 

James: "I guess not all the changes are good after all."

 

Me: "What do you mean by that?"

 

James: "Sorry."

 

Jack: "There is no need to say sorry James."

 

Emil: "Right, Naomi needs to accept who she really is."

 

Yuuki: "Oh, so you really do swing that way after all."

 

Me: "No, I do not!"

 

Yuuki: "Hehe. Well, whatever the case, should we head back?"

 

James: "Yeah, I would rather not get caught in any of that."

 

Emil: "Hmm..."

 

Jack: "Alright, let's move back to Naomi's room."

 

We manage to not get caught in any of those and go back into my room safely. It seems like we are not the only ones who have changed. We can confirm this since we cannot recognize almost our entire nearby dorm residents along our way down. 

 

At this moment, we have no idea what to do right now. None of our electronic devices have signals and people have gone crazy. James then suggests that we should go grab our stuff and come back to my room since it is a special one in the dorm. This room is not only sound proof; it is twice as large as other rooms. This type of room was for graduate students only but because my mother is with the education board, I get to have this privilege. 

......

...

After an hour, everyone except Emil comes back. Really now, where in the world did she... No, did he go? We eventually decide to go look for him since all of us live in this very building. When we find Emil, you can't believe what he is holding in his two hands. The things in his hand are not his stuff, but breasts of two different girls. We question what he is doing but he brushes aside like it is nothing. 

 

This cause my anger to slowly rise up but this is not enough to make angry yet... Until he asks something out of the line. Emil asks me and Yuuki to join his harem; he will make Yuuki his first wife and me as second. I immediately yell at him.

 

Me: “WHAT!?”

 

Emil: “Don’t worry; I will love you all equally.”

 

Me: “You are crazy. You can do whatever you want with those girls but don’t include us in your dream!”

 

Afterwards, I just walk back to my room ignoring what Emil had to say in response. Yuuki comes back with me since Emil doesn’t seem to be her type. Jack and James are still with us but they don't even know what to say. Even I am at a loss of words situation. How do I even describe what just happened? Well, at this moment, I decide to call Emil Mr. Gigolo since it seems like he will only think with his lower half of his body from now on. I did pray for him to have a happy life with those s***s somewhere in the corner of my heart. 

 

After that, we decide to hold ourselves in the room until the chaos subsides. During this time, our activity seems a bit weird. Yuuki is using the entire skin care products she can find and trying out countless different make up. She even forces me to learn how to put it on too. Even though I have no intention on staying as woman, I did find it fun. I notice that is a dangerous thought for me so I ask Yuuki to give me a set so I can practice by myself. She look happy that I ask for a set and gives me something that looks expensive, I feel a bit guilty for doing this but I will never ever use it. 

 

Jack is just chilling, all he has been doing is a cycle of a four things: Eat, sleep, play PS7, and bathroom break. We still have electricity due to the campus having a backup generator but who knows how long this will last. But really, can't this guy find something better to do? 

 

James on the other hand is rather active. He is so happy with his new body that he is maintaining his Form. 1000 push up, 1000 pull up, 1000 curl up, and 1000 weight lifting. He does these once in the morning and one more at night. I'm amazed at how his body is able to hold out but at least he is doing better than Jack. 

 

Last but not least, me. I decide to pick up my bamboo sword that I used to use all the time when I was in my middle school Kendo club back in Japan. It is a bit tiring to try and do the same training as I was doing back then. I am glad I was able to finish all the practice though. Not only as I was not as fit as before, turning into a woman also made it harder. 

 ……

…

There are few times that I look down from the window to check on the situation on the ground, but it is not a nice sight. The number of areas covered in black smoke has increased. Not only that, if I look closely, there are several rotting corpse on the ground. I feel sick every times I look at it, so I turn back soon after and continues what I had been doing.

 

Aside from our own activities, there is one time we end up holding a small fashion show since we are getting so bored that it's suffocating. I wanted to skip out since I do not want to wear woman's clothing but I was forced to do it after losing a game of poker. 

 

I end up enjoying it since when I wear those cute clothes together with Yuuki. I can see two beauties on the mirror and is a feast for my eyes. I did end up wearing more outfits and enjoy dressing up more than I intended. Though I did stay away from skirts and that somehow made everyone disappointed.

 

Me: "I will not!! Wear a skirt!"

 

Jack: "Oh come on, you know you will look great in them."

 

Me: "No way, I am not here to satisfy your fetish."

 

James: "Well... I think you will look good too..."

 

Yuuki: "Yeah come on, it’s not fair I'm the only one wearing all these cute little skirts."

 

Me: "I am not wearing those miniskirts! Why is there only mini skirt anyways?"

 

All 3 of them: "Because they are cute"

 

Me: "No, never! I will not wear them even if you guys protest."

 

All 3 of them again: "Booooo"

 

I can understand James’ and Jack’s reaction but why does Yuuki have the same reaction? After we argue a little more, we resume our show. I manage not to wear those skirts but I do enjoy this little dress up show we are doing. 

 

With all these little activities we are having, it did make me question my sexuality eventually, but luckily the chaos would finally quiet down after a week. I will finally find something better to do and get my mind out of this gutter.

Author's Note

I want to know what kind of reviews people will give me first. The type of review I want the most right now is towards my writing style and ideas. Any reviews are welcome, I want to improve my writing.
Note: I am writing this as if it is a light novel so some names and terms may be confusing.

Reviews

[Érenn]

Hi Eisho ^^ Sorry buddy took me a while before I could make my way here.But as I said before in the prologue I was interested to read what would happen next and I did just that now.I am going to comment on the write based on certain criteria in mind:

Language: You know in the story language matters a lot especially when you are narrating it in the first person form. The transition from on paragraph to another is great. I like how the narrator goes about describing these changes that take place which each and every protagonist. The pace throughout the write is maintained and it is pretty fast. Still you can refine this write, and make the write a little more sophisticated. Your vocabulary used here isn't that great and sometimes a little to simple for creating an ambience necessary for the reader to immerse in I would say you need to do a better job there. There were plenty of grammatical errors (most of them tense related) Which I will point out later and also provide the corrections later on. There is a flow maintained throughout the write, so over all a decent job when it comes to the language.


Progression (so far): Compared to your prologue this one jumps into action quite quickly i.e. not too many moments present in the write where nothing's going on. In fact I loved how the whole chapter progressed and all the events that unfurled. Especially the way Narrator goes about the day's itinerary. It's fast paced and enough events keep the reader's interested till the end of the chapter. But again I feel very less was explained about the chaos that was present in the college campus. You stated stuff, but you didn't visually portray the chaos to the extent it should have been done. I felt it lacked in that area big time.


Character Development: I think the best part of the whole chapter is the character development. The way you have taken the pains to show the transformations that have taken place in each and every character is very appreciable and most definitely the highlight for me. I like the realistic events that took place one after the other, with a little bit of Japanese culture influencing the writing style.


Story Quality: I will give this one a 8.9/10 (We as writers are never happy with our work and always go back and edit to achieve better results than the previous occasions ) It's true there are lot of things which are really good about the write, but you know this chapter felt a little empty I felt like there could be a lot more things added. Maybe things related to action and the meteor shower or something. Only going through description of how the protagonists changes and just showing a glimpse of how the college is in trouble is not enough to give me the feeling of a chapter titled College Chaos. I expected a lot more chaos than I was provided and which for me wasn't enough. You do score high marks in pacing, Dialogue delivery, scene transition and even the existing content was solid..

Critique: Now this one's a bummer and I would comletely leave it upon you to apply the changes I hav mentioned here in this write. (most changes will have to be applied though since you have done quite a lot tense related errors) The ones mentioned in ()'s are words that have been replaced or the tense has been rectified. the ones within []'s are the words that had been completely missed out or added to correct the write.

So here they are:


After checking out the window [I]look at my friends once again and notice something is wrong. The only face I recognize is (Jack's). I look at the others, two males and one female face I don't recognize at all.

One of the (males) look super strong, he might be one of those people that can participate in those super heavy weight lifting (contests). He looks a bit confused on what is happening as well.

The other male, how do I say this...? He looks like a gigolo with [an] amazing spiky hair style.

The female is a girl about 5'10" and is incredibly beautiful. {no need for the words 'one' and 'who is' the meaning is still conveyed}

The the others and I:"Huh?"

I tried clearing my (throat) but even that sounds off.

Her mother and sister are both models and she is the only one out of place. {no need for 'the' here}
Because of that, she developed a complex and never (speaks) up since she (believes) only those who are beautiful should stand out. I guess her wish is granted after (getting exposed) to that light or something.

Aside from Yuuki, the next one is (a bigger shock) {"more shocking" just doesn't sound nice}
I'm not sure how he (was) able to get into college if he is that poor but it would be rude to ask so I held back that question.

Really, I thought I (understood) her but I guess I don't. The only change is not only her gender, she got taller as well. She looks like a 6'1" male while (weighing) about 165lb.

Though Amy... Or Emil is not the only one (whose) gender changed.
I immediately (rebutted) to that thought everyone had. I have absolutely no idea why I (turned) into a woman. I now have long hair [going] down past my chest and talking about chest; (this) pair of (breasts) is kind of heavy. I'm not sure how big they are but probably at least a D. My height didn't change much but I did shrink by 2 inches. Not that big of a deal (for) me but it did take me some time to get used to.

So far, everyone has their (desires) and wishes granted to them. Just why am I the unlucky one? I don't get it. Then Yuuki (decides) that I should change my name like Emil.
I know this is not very creative but I have [a] bigger issue at hand.
Everyone's (changes) are good to them but why just me? I guess I (pulled) the short straw when we were out cold. I would even trade (places) with Jack, the one who had absolutely no change at all.

After a few hours of thinking together, we [are] completely burned out and gave up on figuring out why. Our only clue (was) that strange light I saw and us falling into the hole. Then we hear a scream that is so loud that can reach this room from outside.
Emil: "Right, Naomi (needs) to accept who she really is."

We manage to not get caught in any of those and (go) back into my room safely. It seems like we are not the only (ones) who have changed. We can confirm this since we cannot recognize almost all of our nearby dorm (residents) along our way down.

None of our electronic (devices) have [a] signal and people have gone crazy. James then suggests that we should go grab our stuff and come back to my room since it is a special one in the dorm. This room is not only sound proof; it is twice as large as other (rooms). This type of room was for graduate (students) only but because my mother is with the education board, I get to have this (privilege).

After an hour, everyone except Emil (comes) back. Really now, where in the world did she... No, did he go? We eventually decide to go look for him (soon; since) we all live in this (very) building. When we (find) Emil, you can't believe what is (present in either side of his) hands. The things in his hand are not his stuff, but (breasts) of two different (girls). We question what he is doing but he (brushes) it aside like it is normal.

This (causes my temper) to slowly rise up but(is) not enough to make [me] angry yet... Until he (asks) something out of the line. Emil asks me and Yuuki to join his harem; he will make Yuuki his first wife and me as second. I immediately (yell) at him and tell him he can do whatever he wants but don't involve us in his dream.


(Afterwards), I just walk back to my room ignoring what Emil had to say in (response). Yuuki (comes) back with me since Emil (doesn't seem to ) be her type. Jack and James are still with us but they don't even know what to say. Even I am[at a] loss of (words) on how to describe what really happened.


Yuuki is using the entire skin care product [range] she can find and trying out countless different make up. She even forces me to learn how to put it on too. Even though I have no intention on staying as woman, I did find it fun. I notice that is a dangerous thought for me so I ask Yuuki to give me a set so I can practice by myself from now on. She (looks) happy that I ask for a set and (gives) me something that (looked) expensive, I feel a bit guilty for doing this but I will never ever use it.

Jack is just chilling. All he has been doing is a cycle of a four things: Eat, sleep, (play) PS7, and bathroom break. We still have electricity due to the campus having [a] backup generator but who (knows) how long this will last.

He (does) these once in the morning and (once) more at night

Not only as ( was I not fit as before), turning into a woman also made it harder.

Aside from our own activities, there is one time we end up holding a small fashion show since we (get) so bored that it's suffocating.

I end up enjoying it since when I wear those cute (clothes) together with Yuuki, I can see two beauties (on) the mirror and is a feast (for) my eyes.

I can understand (James') and (Jack's) reaction but why does Yuuki have the same reaction?

With all these little (activites) we are having, it did make me question my sexuality eventually, but luckily the chaos (would) finally quiet down after a week. (I will finally find something better to do) and get my mind out of this gutter.



Conclusion: It was a good read and made me feel this one like the prologue holds a lot of potential. Your read is engaging enough for the readers to go on and read the next chapter and all. So Well Done !!!


P.S I have a tendency to skip words since my mind's running faster than my hands. Hopefully no important word missed that would make my statement vague or give it a different meaning all together. Also I hope I didn't sound harsh or mean, if I did I deeply apologise for I had no such intention except for stating my honest opinions on the write

[Eisho Shu]

Thanks a lot for the review. Don't worry about your review being harsh, it is not. You seem to carefully choose your word and not offend people in the first place. I don't know how often you give reviews like this but I am thankful for the critical review.

[Érenn]

In recent times(3 weeks now) this is how I have reviewed everyone's writes especially if it's prose writing. And don't worry I will be posting my views on the next chapter soon enough ^^ And once again sorry for reviewing this so late, I know you had asked me like a month back. ^^' In your case there were too many blunders that I could ignore and I felt the best way was to point it all out since it will help your write shine even more ^^

[Redwarrior123]

Take what he said and incorporate it into your story and you will be one of the best.

[Redwarrior123]

I loved the story. It has a lot of potential. Do you need someone to proofread your stories. I am willing to if you would like.

[Tsubaki Kuro]

There are a few grammatical errors in this chapter but nothing too serious. I love that they got a gender change, and there reactions too it. It is so legit. Very good chapter, I will read on.

[Eisho Shu]

Yeah I just noticed. There are actually quite a few of them. I really need to check some of these simple mistake more.

[Dante Abvrasian]

I find the story to be really interesting with that twist at the beginning, but I'm having difficulty keeping up with time at the beginning. Was the school a mess since they got there, or did it happen during the hours they spent talking about their changes? Other than that small bit of confusion on my part with time, I'm really enjoying where the story is going. Also I'd like to mention that I died at that part that mentions a PS7 (lol) I like how the inner desires of everyone are brought out because of this mysterious event and am curious to find out why Naomi turns out that way.

[Eisho Shu]

Alright, I guess there are more details I can add. About your question, it started happening before they woke up. Also, about that PS7... Yeah, I thought it might be interesting to have something like that. Glad you like it (Unless you died because other reason)

[Dante Abvrasian]

I like the revision. It makes things a little more clear and easier to understand. I like the part were they're trying to make Naomi wear the skirt. That was funny.it makes me wonder what type of internal battles this will make Naomi have throughout the story.

[Eisho Shu]

alright, glad I made it better. When I was doing the revision, I thought I might as well make few part more interesting to read. This chapter was really dry.