Bottom Of The Bottle

I wrote this for Poetry and Lyrical Challenge group.

One shot quickly becomes two.
Hoping to rid myself of you.
Two turns quickly into three.

Down the hatch goes number four,
Burning like it hasn't before.
Eyes blurred from the fire water.

As the whiskey now disappears,
In my mind, memories of you reappear.
Seething heartache does return.

Whiskey whisks me into a deep sleep.
Where dreams of you silently creep.
Is there no where to escape you?

Author's Note

I did this once after i left someone whom I deeply loved and still love. I woke up in the morning after dreaming about him all night and decided never to do that again one I only thought about him more and two I couldn't escape it for he was there in my dreams. I now just deal with the emotions.

Reviews

[R E Tree]

I do say it is very much like a song I could sing this all day in my head. Some parts of this poem does sound a bit unclear and thats just the first stanza. But by thinking deeply I can just imagine you being at the bottom of a bottle. I would be scared to be trapped in a botte and I would scream for freedom but you don't as you are very brave.

[O Bubbly_snowflake *]

I loved your last stanza! It really brought the whole thing together

[The Warrior Poet]

There's a worm at the bottom ov EVERY bottle. Some aren't as obvious as Mezcal.

[luciddreamer]

I can relate to this one ...good write :)
Peace
Robin

[InkSlinger]

We drink to forget, yet we never do.. the pain we feel is coupled with the strength of the whiskey.. love the lyrical flow to this..

One shot quickly becomes two
Hoping to rid myself of you..

Brilliant!!

[Frifthor (D^2)]

An excellent poem. Your choice of narrative really serves to illustrate the personal feelings you're experiencing.

[Mauricio Montoya]

Great start, definitely from the heart. I can relate to this piece, been there, done that.
Excellent write.

[alesuriko]

There are some parts of the flow which feel out of place to me. But overall good flow and good tone. I love whiskey and this description feels more or less accurate. Normally whiskey burns on the first three shots rather than starting to burn on the fourth. Good display of emotion though with this piece. Well done.

[Jenny Nelson]

There never is a way to forget completely and permanently, unfortunately. "Dealing with" does get frustrating and tiresome. Gotta fill life up with other things. Would be nice if there were a magic potion to make the bad things all go away. I did like the piece. Great last line that makes a couple of points about the whiskey and the relationship. Defininetly conveyed your feelings well and descriptively. Well done!

[HorrorMaster]

I felt like getting drunk again by reading this poem lol. Very good

[J. Randall Dodd]

poetic beauty,

being that this is a highly emotional piece for you, i hesitate to offer any suggestions, but you did request my opinion, so here it is:

s4,l1 & l2: fire water causes a deep sleep. doesn't sound sleepy to me. maybe, alliteration may help here to give a lulling feel. just off the top of my head, i'd recommend "whiskey whisks me into deep sleep,/where thoughts of you do slowly creep." i added a syllable (do) to line 2 for purely rhythmic purposes. just my thoughts.

i did like the overall flow and power of this poem. it is a tragic tale, but one with which most everyone could relate. in my opinion, it succeeded in the attempted task of a universally understood and heartfelt work. keep writing. later.

sincerely,
jr