On The Surface

Standing quietly in a crowded room,
Smiling broadly, taking in the scene,
Wide eyes of an emerald green.

Portraying happiness with a smile,
Talking with everyone that she knows,
Listening to the band at the show.

Metal horns thrown into the air,
head banging to the thrashing beat,
But she doesn't feel whole, complete.

Enjoying having a night out,
But get closer, look deeper still,
No sparkle in her eyes, does there fill.

Void of soulful delight are her eyes,
Only surface enjoyment and glee,
For standing next to her, he use to be.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This feels like a round-about way to reveal that this woman in a club scene is really missing her guy. I didn't think this message would end up so specific -- being about missing someone. As I read most of your poem, I felt it could've been anyone in a crowded room acting happy but feeling unhappy. This is such a universal observation. Then the last line narrows the focus dramatically. I'm not sure I like this, becuz I usually prefer an open-ended message that can be interpreted more than one way. But this ending is interesting & relatable too - first few times going out & no longer being part of "a couple" can be hard for lots of people (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Poetic Beauty]

It’s been 13 years and I still miss him everyday. We are friends now but he lives across the country from me.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I got completely absorbed into this world. The imagery was superb. The sense of loss was powerful enough to leave the entire piece feeling a bit hollow. You conveyed that loss with ease without ever forcing it. Hits that heart.

[Ice QueenJen]

What a tragic tale of having a body with nothing in it. Almost like an out of body experience, seeing yourself walking and talking, but void of a real life.

[Inci 2]

very nicely woven words...

[The Warrior Poet]

I've felt that tangible emptiness in my hand. I've felt that void at my shoulder. I've heard that terrible silence of her not talking to me.

But I didn't smile. I didn't pretend to be OK. I took it all in stride - and just laid there in bed all day

Well done - painting the portrait that makes one wonder - what went wrong and where is he now?

[StacyPerry]

Beautifully written

[Emily B]

I travel near there some times. Wishing the narrator better days.

[ICE]

Its always hard to go out in the world and be happy without the people you love beside you. Just going day to day pretending to be fine when you aren't. Great piece!

~Ice

[Mauricio Montoya]

It’s hard to be somewhere when you’re not with the one you love.
Excellent write.

[Bette]

very good girl. well done.