Princess, Princess

a poem about feminine empowerment with a different spin read it to find out its a poem it wont take long

Softly like a bell jingling in the breeze

 

And as blunt as an arrow

Rebounding off a tree

 

Are her voice and attitude

Both truly fair

And much appreciated by her Prince Charming

 

But only as soon as his steed and he

Can bother to be there

 

Months, go by, others days and weeks

And she stays put

Patiently swaying in the breeze

 

Like a peony she grows delicate

As if by such as a mere sneeze

Could snuff out her existance

 

And as you please, she leaves

With velvet slipers upon her feet

 

She scales her own tower, only in reverse

She defeats the dragon, kills the witch

This princess takes down her own curse

 

Without a hitch she walks on and on

More pincesses escape

And now the princes must wait

 

They giggle and play

With the nymphs and the elves

Altogether free always better never worse

 

And when they go

This time to save a prince

They take with them

A magic in the air

 

They leave some behind

Magic twinkles by the jars in the shelves

Knowing not a princess will ever

Give into fate

 

And never again was there a prince

Who would ever dare be late

 

 

 

http://youtu.be/SUEYJ9gfBzQ?t=2s

 

The Cheetah Girls - Cinderella

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Reviews

[LOfCharlemagne]

Very intresting read. Great detail and imagination, it works really well in this poem. You have a very strong introduction sentence, which is great! It keeps the attention of the reader very well, and it is very fast paced. I love it, congratulations.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx! i was a little worried it was to long and confusing! lol im glad it works :-)

[LOfCharlemagne]

It works very well! Don't worry about length. Try to fit as much quality material into it as you can without being overbearing. If you can keep your readers attention, then length is no issue. But your story does hold that attention, so good job on that!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Yay! :-D

[B.J]

It is a great read and I echo the other comments

[Helena]

"She scales her own tower, only in reverse
She defeats the dragon, kills the witch
This princess takes down her own curse"

This is fantastic! I loved it. A princess who can hold her own in a prince's world! Not a mamby pamby delicate flower, but a full-on Princess libber.

Good stuff Emily!

[Saint No-One]

I adore this. Nothing more I can say, perfect. only thing is, line 21 you missed the R in princess. Never-the-less tres magnifique

[MOON]

Love this take on the usual fairytale , fun too. Lovely.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx so much

[Christoph Poe]

Fantasy type themes are some of the most difficult to write. I found a connection with the "Princess". She is curageous, and strong, and unaffected by the dirt she gets under her nails at times. The name "Princess" screams beauty in itself. I felt like it might have been drug down if you ever highly discussed her beauty any deeper than that. The story behind this is not only told halfly in a fantasy perspective, but it's so modern as well. There are so many women today who take care of their husbands and bring in the most money.

I do, however, feel like your flow was a bit off at times. The thoughts seemed a bit jarred. I wanted to read a long line really quickly in my head, and I realized I was sounding more like Nikki Minaj. Haha.

But don't get me wrong: I highly enjoyed it. A good read followed by perplexing thoughts. Great work.

--Christoph Poe

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx for your thoughts :-) Im rly glad you enjoyed it. as for the rythm iv been told i have a sythme in most of my poems. hmm it sounds fine as I read it but perhaps I could make the stanzas even longer..... I'll think on that. I'm rly glad you related to the character though. it was just a random thought I had rly. i got all upset on the behalf of princesses everywhere that had to sit calmly in their towers all their lives waiting on "prince charming". hence the poem lol

[Christoph Poe]

Oh, and I forgot to mention, do NOT gut it and revise. I think it's great as is, which is the good thing about poetry. I just give the thoughts of what I thought didn't work so you can maybe think about them in your next piece of poetry. I think revising poetry, especially shorter pieces, ruins it. Does that make sense? (Of course, I don't know if you had or hadn't any intentions of revising. Just saying. :)

In reference to what I mentioned in the parent comment, I think it'd be better if the lines were all shorter. This is only me! I'm a bit strange--or strangely picky--when it comes to my reading material though. Haha.

Again. Just MY thoughts. :)
--Christoph Poe

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I usually dnt do major revising I often change the structure of stanzas and might change one or to words but I rly hate making major changes ur right it does ruin them :-)

[kimmy]

This was great, you have a way to putting a little story together and that is great. I loved the whole thing, but I bet a prince wont be late again. They are supposed to be there for their lady:)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

yeah I just thought it was unfair how princeses r stuck in towers waiting their whole lives for someone to come for them seems rly horrible to me when you slip away from the fairytale

[kimmy]

You are right it does, I always wondered about this. I think this was a great turn and it turned out great:) Oh how sweet everyone says, but how is it sweet your stuck in a tower until the prince gets there to free you.lol
I am so glad you wrote this one and I read it.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Im glad you liked it and reviewed im of course biased toward my own work so I can never tell which poems are the good ones or which ones are the bad ones lol

[kimmy]

lol you sound just like me..I know I am not the best writer and I have to work on my grammar, but the plots and how the story goes I love my work:)but I guess I don't count hehehe

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

yuppers feel the exact same way god knows my grammer is horrid :-D

[Akira]

This was great, loved how it was put together and the twist of a fairytale was excellent. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx so much heart I'm glad you like the way I do things :-)

[Akira]

No worries, it was a great read. I can't wait to read more!

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

Congratulations this poem has been "approved" for publication in...

THE MAGICAL MYTHICAL MYSTERY COMPENDIUM.
-Metaphysical, Mystical & Fantastical Poetry of the Arcane

By John Phoenix Hutchinson and Others. (c) 2012

Please feel free to submit other poems as you are not limited to one entry. Also please write a short "bio" about yourself and send to me via private message. This will be published along with your poem. Thanks J.P.H.

Anyone wanting to make Submissions to this Writers Cafe "e" book Project can do so on my group page, the deadline is 1st of November 2012.

[lothlorienwriter]

A great vivid fairytale and extremely fascinating read.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Glad ya liked it!!! :-D

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Exquisite writing !! I like the fairy tale spin-off thing you did here, with the princesses freeing themselves !
The last line provides a befitting end to this tale :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

im glad you enjoyed it!!