Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
Cold, Still And Gone

Cold, Still And Gone

A Poem by Emily Dickinson Jr.
"

A poem about finding a loved one dead from suicide.

"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small Lovely

 

Why are you so still?

Why do you bleed red?

Why the blood you spill?

 

"please tell me your not dead!"

 

Sad mistaken water

dry on pale, cold face

 

Solemn pill bottle empty

Your heart... it can not race

 

Your soul so trapped, so broke,

So pretty

Leaves no heartbroken trace

 

No more pure felt goodness

In this hallowed place

 

© 2013 Emily Dickinson Jr.


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Poetry is not my thing, which makes this review even more surprising. If I review a poem it means it broke through my barriers and this one definitely did. First of all, I like that you are tackling a topic that needs to be brought to people's attention.

I like the simplicity , the cleanliness of your writing, it is not cluttered with words just to fill the page, however, the cleanliness does not mean it is bare. Parts that jumped out
-your soul so trapped and broke
no heartbroken trace
sad mistaken water. I'm reading this to be dried tears, which describes the scene without spelling it all out for us. Allowing the reader to fill in the blanks as our mind sees it .

The last line, wraps it up nicely, and leaves us with a sense of finality. Again, you are not telling the reader what exactly it means and we are left to wonder if this speaks to the fact that her death is the loss of future opportunities?

I really enjoyed the emotions and depth this brought out and , as I said, before, we need to talk about suicide and death. Glad you tackled the tough topics.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emily Dickinson Jr.

6 Years Ago

Im really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topic.. read more



Reviews

That was such a sad...tragic...and explained write..
hmm Even thought the topic that which I cannot like.. but I just loved the way you have put down the words....

Posted 6 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

6 Years Ago

lol thanks :-) my witing is always happy place writing ut I do try to put it together well. I'm gl.. read more
Poetry is not my thing, which makes this review even more surprising. If I review a poem it means it broke through my barriers and this one definitely did. First of all, I like that you are tackling a topic that needs to be brought to people's attention.

I like the simplicity , the cleanliness of your writing, it is not cluttered with words just to fill the page, however, the cleanliness does not mean it is bare. Parts that jumped out
-your soul so trapped and broke
no heartbroken trace
sad mistaken water. I'm reading this to be dried tears, which describes the scene without spelling it all out for us. Allowing the reader to fill in the blanks as our mind sees it .

The last line, wraps it up nicely, and leaves us with a sense of finality. Again, you are not telling the reader what exactly it means and we are left to wonder if this speaks to the fact that her death is the loss of future opportunities?

I really enjoyed the emotions and depth this brought out and , as I said, before, we need to talk about suicide and death. Glad you tackled the tough topics.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emily Dickinson Jr.

6 Years Ago

Im really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topic.. read more
what a sad story, especially through the eyes of the friend who sees their friend dead. As sad as it may be, I do find the message something so very important. When people want to commit suicide, they sometimes think that "no one will miss them". If only they could think forward to that moment in your poem where there will be
"no more pure felt goodness" in the heart of the friend. If only, if only. But thank you for this, poem. I especially find the line "leaves no heartbroken trace" interesting and like the wordplay.

Only one criticism, perhaps. This poem seems a bit stinted (not very flowy) in places. Maybe try to include some more flow between lines. Or perhaps that was your intention for the mood of the piece?

Anyway, thank you for this read :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

I was trying to make it very dramaticized . I thought I had a bit of rythme I kep up a certain amou.. read more
By the way, awesome picture. (Huge Anime Nerd Presiding) HANP!! :D

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

lol thanz I had to search awhile to find just the right one. I am to A huge anime nerd so I can rel.. read more
Wow. I'm young (15) and that made me come close to tears! Great work! Short poems are often more powerful than long poems. The power in this one out does any other short poems I have read so far...except the rest of your collection :P

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

aww thanx so much!! I'm quiet and shy so I guess when I write I just can't help but feel and want t.. read more
You make it so vivid the way you describe the blood and the paleness in thteir face as well as their spiritual inside. Well done. :D

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

aww ur such a sweatheart!
Mariah Corey

7 Years Ago

thnx. :D
Mariah Corey

7 Years Ago

just speaking my mind.
this type of emotion is simply undescribable, but you did a good job. you definately hit on the passion behind it. it's a very tough subject, but you handled it well.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

thank you im glad u can appreciate it :)
Nicole

7 Years Ago

i've had an experince like this before, and while words will never be able to do it justice, you've .. read more
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

I do try
There is some power/emotion behind this poem, a sadness.

Diego

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

Thank you diego!
Umm by broke did you mean broken? Or out of money broke? Anyway, the poem is beautiful and deep. I like the way you wrote it. It's very expressive!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Blue Ivory

7 Years Ago

ohh yeah I totally get that :P
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

lol I'm glad you see I like it when ppl get my resoning in my poem :-D
Blue Ivory

7 Years Ago

lol
such a sad tale... many of us writers have felt... very good indeed

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

thank you!!!

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

768 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 22, 2012
Last Updated on January 19, 2013
Tags: suicide, dead, alive, cry, sad, mourne, pillls, drugs, cutting, blood, death, heartbreak

Author

Emily Dickinson Jr.
Emily Dickinson Jr.

FL



About
Im just a highschool girl. Writing is my hobby and I think Im fairly good at it but I leave you to be the judge of that. :-) my best short stories are: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/poisinros.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Student Student

A Chapter by Steven Cash