Cold, Still And Gone

A poem about finding a loved one dead from suicide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small Lovely

 

Why are you so still?

Why do you bleed red?

Why the blood you spill?

 

"please tell me your not dead!"

 

Sad mistaken water

dry on pale, cold face

 

Solemn pill bottle empty

Your heart... it can not race

 

Your soul so trapped, so broke,

So pretty

Leaves no heartbroken trace

 

No more pure felt goodness

In this hallowed place

 

Reviews

[pageturner67]

Poetry is not my thing, which makes this review even more surprising. If I review a poem it means it broke through my barriers and this one definitely did. First of all, I like that you are tackling a topic that needs to be brought to people's attention.

I like the simplicity , the cleanliness of your writing, it is not cluttered with words just to fill the page, however, the cleanliness does not mean it is bare. Parts that jumped out
-your soul so trapped and broke
no heartbroken trace
sad mistaken water. I'm reading this to be dried tears, which describes the scene without spelling it all out for us. Allowing the reader to fill in the blanks as our mind sees it .

The last line, wraps it up nicely, and leaves us with a sense of finality. Again, you are not telling the reader what exactly it means and we are left to wonder if this speaks to the fact that her death is the loss of future opportunities?

I really enjoyed the emotions and depth this brought out and , as I said, before, we need to talk about suicide and death. Glad you tackled the tough topics.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Im really happy you could appreciate it! I'm the type of poet that enjoys broaching upon such topics that need to be addressed. The simplicity is just my style I like what I say to be fairly blunt and to the point. However, I don't want to make a poem that everyone will read and relate to identically. So I try to weave many meanings into the verses. It always makes me overjoyed when someone whom isn't always a fan of poetry can appreciate a work of mine. That's what I am for, to be able to appeal to an everyday reader.

[Sami Khalil]

I can trace so much love and feelings in this poem. Well penned...

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thanx!! :-)

[Sami Khalil]

Quite welcome...

[Melody]

Beautiful...Somehow..(Might just be my morbid mind).
"You soul so trapped, so broke,
So pretty
Leaves no heartbroken trace"
Tragically beautiful...Loved it. Great job, Hannah. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Im glad you saw the beuty in it :-) Im so happy you enjoyed it!

[Melody]

You're welcome. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Excellent, painting of truth! for some....

" Your heart... it can not race"

Lovely short piece of writing

E.L.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thanx :-)

Always a pleasure :)

[.]

Why are you so still
Why do you bleed red
Why the blood you spill
please tell me your not dead
I loved that part! :) 100/100

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx! lol I do so love to know people appreciate it :-)

[.]

no problem