Hollie with an I and an E

Hollie with an I and an E

A Chapter by Emily Dickinson Jr.
"

A little girl tells her class how she knows what a gun is when her guest speaker asks.

"

 

 

 


 

       Mrs. Linden clapped her small hands twice and welcomed the silence that came instantaneously.


 

       "Class, We have a very special helper today! His name is Mr. Johnson. Say, hello."

 

       "Hello Mr. Johnson!" was the resulting echo from dozens of tiny voices.


 

       "Mr. Johnson, is here today to teach you how dangerous  guns are.  How many of you know what a gun is?"


 

          "It's a gray thingy that makes people bweed; I seen it in the howa movies." Chirped cheerfully out of the small body that had jumped up to answer the question.



       She had Brown, slightly frizzy, curled hair that went all the way down to her tiny bottom. It was only a shade or two lighter than black and had jumped with her when she answered. Her deep hazel eyes ringed in black, sparkled with the innocent want to be praised for her answer.

     " Excellent, girl! What's your name?" demanded the guest speaker.

      

        " Mista, My name's Hollie; with an I and an E!" squealed the young girl joyfully under all the attention.

   

     " Well kids, Hollie's right but only partly,"

 

She pouted at the correction.

 

     "they do make people bleed on TV, but they also do in real life.; they're dangerous.” he warned the class of four year-olds.

 

     “They's bad?" asked Hollie demurely.

 

     " Yes, Hollie, they can be very, very bad...." Mr. Johnson trailed off.

     

 " Buts! Buts, in the movies, the bloods and the shiny gun was sooooo pretty!" She exclaimed, begging him to understand her.

 

      Her last comment echoed through the silent classroom. It had turn disturbingly quite at her last comment. Mrs. Linden looked absolutely horrified, and so very frightened. Mr. Johnson however was smirking.

       He stared down his long, lean frame at Hollie.

You could see his green eyes glinting out of his widened sockets. They gleamed through his curtain of blond bangs.  They gleamed with such an intensity that it scared the kindergarden class. It scared the class almost as much as Hollie's statement had. 



© 2012 Emily Dickinson Jr.


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Reviews

Very haunting. Incredible how children pick up on such things. I like that way you have captured that here. The speaker seems like a very dark character, who has quite the back story I am imagining. I got the impression he too found the gun and blood so pretty. Excellent first chapter.

Posted 5 Years Ago


The true innocence of a child and how one's mind works. This is precisely why parents should teach their children the dangers of all things and not just let television teach their children because it's moments in times like this that it proves parents aren't. Reminds me of the story of the six year old boy that brought a gun to school and told one of his classmates, a little girl that he didn't like her before he shot her. Knowing that he knew that a gun could hurt or kill someone he didn't like and thinking that it was okay and knowing where to find one... devastating. Hollie sounds like just a perky child with a great imagination and one that can see beauty in all things, it's just a little haunting hearing her say that she thought a shiny gun was pretty. I look forward to reading more...

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

Im rly glad you liked I look forward to hearing your opinion on the chapters :-)
Interesting, to say the least. The little girl is very intriguing and,this defiantly makes me want to read more. I caught little to no grammar, other then a capitalization error I think, but then again, I was never the best with grammar. As for your dialogue , simply start a new paragraph for each new speaker.


Content wise, this starts out very abrupt and in your face almost, and I like that personally. I prefer this over the "This is so and so, and he is a sniper, and whats to blah blah blah" I prefer to be thrown into everything. The only thing with that is in the next chapters you must make sure you explain to your audience just whats going on and who is who.
Anyhow, I'll read on :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

lol im glad you like blunt cuz im a blunt person my writing rly like represent who I am ya know? Im.. read more
Wow, that's a crazy ending to this chapter. I like where this is going, I hope that doesn't sound too weird, haha.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

naw Im glad you like it I love having crzy endings though ill often have ppl thinking something will.. read more
Shane Lestan

7 Years Ago

That's a good way to write, it's what keeps them reading.
nice first chapter! I love how you made the little kids talk! Good job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

lol thanx so much Alexa!
Nice beginning, very interesting!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

I'm glad it grabbed you!!! thanx :-D
Ooo the end was good! Quite errie and sinister, but it made me want to read more. Also, you dont need to indent all of the speech. I found it a bit confusing as to why you had done it. All you need to do is start a new paragraph every time someone speaks. But thats just my personal opinion. Other than that, great job! Im going to read chapter two now! :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

great!!! I'm glad you liked it!! :-D could you email me an example im rly new to this
Hester Vane

7 Years Ago

Yeh of course! Follow this link, its one of my stories, and i think ive done it correctly!
ht.. read more
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

thanx so much :-D
His name is mister Johnson. Say, hello." "Hello Mister Johnson!" -> change Mister to Mr.
how dangerous " guns " are. -> there isn't much need for guns to be quoted
Also, there are a lot of instances where you capitalize words that shouldn't be, maybe go back and check for that? Definitely go back and do a bit of proofreading because there are a bit of grammatical errors, mostly during dialogue.

The story would flow better without a dialogue tag every time after someone speaks. ie- "demanded the guest speaker", " He warned the class of four year-olds", etc. Just something to consider.

It's an interesting piece, but the idea is a bit overdone. It's just my opinion, and I don't mean to be rude, but it's something I've read too many times and it's nothing particularly special.


Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

yeah I just dnt really understand dialogue or stuff. this is honestly my first book. but im sure y.. read more
chantelle

7 Years Ago

Okay, well, best of luck in future writing
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

lol thanx hahaha :-D
hmmm u might consider this as an intro or prologue...really should get in the habit of writing those?..Laury

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

I knows its just personallu i dnt see the need for prologues even when I read books half the time i'.. read more
Larry Dyson

7 Years Ago

its mostly for publishing a jacket cover or author contribution for publication, at least thats what.. read more
Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

oooh thanx then! I didnt mean to cme off offended or anything iv just never rly understood the need .. read more
A very interesting opening chapter. I like the ending. Television make bad things look tempting. I like the way you led the reader to the very strong ending. I wanted to know more. Thank you for the excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


Emily Dickinson Jr.

7 Years Ago

no problem coyote! im glad you liked it so much! though keep in mind when reading my work especiall.. read more

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Added on August 30, 2012
Last Updated on October 18, 2012
Tags: gun, teacher, child, girl, blood, horror, 4


Author

Emily Dickinson Jr.
Emily Dickinson Jr.

FL



About
Im just a highschool girl. Writing is my hobby and I think Im fairly good at it but I leave you to be the judge of that. :-) my best short stories are: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/poisinros.. more..

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