The Nile of Denial

 

 

 

The rolling of the Nile

Brings upon fresh currants of denial

 

To a land of rich, good things

Until innovation dries the springs

To empty deserts, misery people

 

Sweep the land, and they do nothing

 

These sheeple, these shameless sheep

Of once great people

 

The few shall rise

And the second change shall bring

Renewal, the filling of stone dry springs

 

But with good fortune comes a tint of tainted red

That churns stomachs and stains cheeks green

 

Across the yellow mountains hangs a crimson veil

To change/remain the same

Both fates bring

Destinies much to pale

 

But still the people keep on

In this land

Under the brightest yellow sail

Author's Note

Please keep limits to flames of political opinion

Reviews

[Augustus]

There is a deep and complex vein running throughout the poem. Although it takes the river Nile as its premise, I think this poem can in a broader sense, be taken to be one that describes the rise and fall of civilizations. The lines here speak about past glory and also about the present complacency / ineptitude. However, there is also a hopeful thread, where you talk about the "second change". But you add one more caveat, where, presumably you talk of the violence that is often associated with revolution. I loved the use of color throughout the poem to depict various notions. Overall I am quite impressed. You are a talented poet. Well done! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thank you so much Augustus I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am an ameuture wrtier so I'm always trying to find my style and improve. You got exactly what I was writing about! I'm actually suprised you got the revolution, I honestly didn't think anyone would.

[Augustus]

You're welcome Emily(?). We are all amateurs in a way. The process of learning never stops. I have been writing for 15 years and I still keep improving. I still benefit from the critical comments that I receive here. As far as the revolution goes, I gathered it from the line "But with good fortune there comes a tint of tainted red". A "change" as you put it is obviously welcome whenever there is a stagnation in society. But the manner in which it is brought about often also has its negative effects. The French and the Russian revolutions are prime examples of that. But I do like the discrete way in which you have included it in your poem. That subtlety is always a welcome sign in any budding poet. :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I often do add subtle things like that, perhaps it's part of my style, but because of that people often don't understand my poems or reinterpret them in different ways.

[Augustus]

There is always a fine line between subtlety and obscurity. Exactly where that line is, depends as much upon the reader as upon the poet. I don't think you should mind too much if people don't get what you're trying to say. And I think it is fine if people reinterpret it in a different way. It is part of the charm of poetry. I am of the opinion that once a poem is written down, it belongs as much to the readers as it does to the poet.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

indeed :-D

[Alexa Tasch]

A very deep and sophisticated poem. I thought it was wonderfully written and quite enjoyed the vein of truth that ran through it. Great poem!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Thanx Alexa I'm glad you enjoyed it. To tell the truth I'm happy yet suprised at how well this poems being received. There are definite political undertones here and I was afraid it'd cause some arguments to break out.

[Alexa Tasch]

It too well written for people to argue about it :)

[Sir Joseph]

I love the different deep meanings this poem can produce and lead one down! Bravo on the great write!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

lol thank you my kind sir :-) I'm glad you enjoyed it

[JR Darewood]

I think my favorite line was "until innovation dries the springs"

Sheeple t-shirts:

http://jaxoons.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/sheeple-Ts2.jpg

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

Lol sweet!!

[Wórdsmíth]

well, pretty you again fluttered me by your this writin', it's a nice piece. I loved your tittle i wanna say then as i did start to read, words that're so powerfful there in the middle, just made an impact on reader. you did great to let me know about your this writin'...lol couse i didn't wanna loose this read. Now i'm thinkin' why i read it out very late, why i did so delay to read such a piece...well, forget that, i read it...n enjoyed your " 5592 km long; "NILE", well, i didn't find people around the river...lol...
ohh, i think they're enjoyin' the NILE n swimmin' inside the middle of the NILE...lol
i liked your pic. too...i meant your this NILE'S pic..lol
you got it.

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I'm glad you liked it :-) I'm also very happy it left such an impact. It is short but in a way I think the absence of length strengthens the impact

[KeeD]

Very well thought off and portrayed. You leave the reader in a conscious state of reflection. Great poetry indeed.

[kublakhan27]

Your works are so well-crafted that you leave little to say in terms of technical criticism...more great poetry here :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

aww thankx kub I'm always happy to hear your input on my work :-)

[kublakhan27]

You're very welcome :)

[junaid altaf]

i really got some images erupting in my mind
well composed!

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

wow Im glad it was so very effective for you! i love it hahaha

[Keith LaFountaine]

Nice job! I don't review much poetry, but this certainly caught my eye. Your stanzas are very organized and your flow is steady. Your message is a powerful one, whether people agree with it or not does not matter. You have presented your opinions smartly and beautifully. So good job! :)

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

thank you so much. it always brings me pleasure when I get reviews from those that aren't prone to doing so. Im so happy you liked it. im glad it came together well as I follow no set rules when I write or any type of organization. its always a risk since I just start writing and continue as I like..