Unexpected Chapter 5

end of month 1 beginning of month 2

 The next three weeks I spent going to school and watching Hannah. I have been staying at my dad's condo though, I don't think he knows it. He's still away on his eight week business trip. I tried calling him but he didn't pick up his phone. I'm not suprised though, he never answers his phone.

    Mom still wants nothing to do with me. The only time I see her is when she drops Hannah off so I can watch her while mom goes to work. Even then she barely says anything to me.

   My mom is a nurse at the local hospital. One night, she had to work the night shift and she couldn't find a babysitter to watch Hannah. She called me and asked if Hannah could spend the night with me. I told her she could.

   Hannah is doing a lot better. She had a second degree burn on her left arm. She said that she was trying to cook supper for dad so he could eat when he got home, but, she ended up burning her arm in the fire. Her arm looks back to normal. Theres just a small scar, but she's fine now.

   That night Hannah wanted me to play dolls with her. As much as I hated playing dolls, it would make her happy, so I played dolls with her. While we were playing she asked me,

  "Does mommy hate babies?"

 "No, why would you think that?" I replied

 "Cause mommy kicked you out because your having a baby."

 "Mom dosn't hate babies. She just thinks i'm to young to have a baby."

 "Oh." Hannah said as she went back to playing with her dolls. she was quiet for a while then she asked, " How do you have a baby?"

 "Umm..." Her question caught me off-guard, "Why don't you ask mom in another ten years."

 "Ok." Hannah put down her dolls then asked "Can I have a baby to?"

 "Yes you can have a baby in twenty years."

 "But I want one now!" Hannah demanded

 Crap she's not going to give this up. I thought

 "Hannah you can't have a baby now." I told her calmly

 "Why not?"

 "Well..." I paused to think for a moment the I told her, "you can't have a baby because you won't have time to play with your dolls. Then, they will be sad and lonely because they will have no one to play with.

 "Oh... I don't wanna baby anymore Maddy."

 I laughed "No Hannah, no you don't."

   Around 8:30, I told Hannah a bed time story. She never liked being read one. SHe liked it when you made one up. So I told her one about a girl who got a puppy and lived happily ever after. Yeah, not to creative but she still like it. After that I took a shower and watched TV till 10:30. Then I went to bed.

  

   "Madeline!" a sharp voice in the distance said

  "Madeline wake up!" it became clear as I opened my eyes. I saw my mom and I sat up. I looked at the clock, it was 2:30 a.m.

   "Mom what are you doing." I asked sleeply

  " I needed to tell you that I made you a doctors appointment." She answered

 "Why?"

  "Why because your pregnant. When your pregnant you need to go to the doctors. I know you weren't going to know that so I made one for you."

  "I thought you wanted nothing to do with me?"

 "You are my daughter and I love you. Am I disappointed in you? Yes I am. Am I ready for you to come home? Not yet. Am i going to help you out? Yes, in some ways more than others."

  "Mom?"

 "Yes Madeline?"

 "Why are you telling me this at 2:30 in the morning?"

 "Oh because I came to get Hannah and I figured that I had to wake you up to tell you that I was taking Hannah home. I figured why not kill two birds with one stone."

 "I like birds..."

 "It's a metaphore sweety."

 "I know that. Why are you taking Hannah home?"

 "Oh I need to go see my father seeming that it's a five hour drive I figured I would take her with me."

 "Oh... alright. I'm going back to bed then." I mummbled. Usually I would have fought her but I was to tired.

 "Night." I heard my mom said as I drifted off to sleep.

 

  "Maddy... Maddy wake up!" A voice said. When I opened my eyes I saw Carson.

  "What time is it?" I asked Sleeply

 "Eleven." Carson replied harshly

 "Whats going on?" I asked confused by his tone of voice

 "Why don't you tell me?"

 "Huh?"

 "You have been avoiding me for weeks Maddy! Whenever I try to see you, you have a reason why you can't! Whenever I try to get close to you, you shut me out! I mean, did I do something or say something wrong. Are....are..are you cheating on me? If you are then tell me now Maddy. I love you like hell but your killing me."

 "What? No! Carson i'm not cheating on you! I-" I felt a sharp twist in my stomach. I jumped up and ran to the trash can.. Carson was at my side in a second. He held my hair back as I threw up.

 "Are you okay? Are you sick again?" Carson asked worriedly. I couldn't find the words, so, I just shook my head as if to say no.

  "Maddy.... Whats going on?" Carson asked. His voice was softer, more caring. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

  "I don't know how your going to react" I whispered

 "Maddy, no matter how I react, i'll still love you." Carson replied. I looked up at his face. The tears were streaming down my face. I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eyes, and said weakly,

  "I'm Pregnant."

Author's Note

so this chapter is kind of short and i'm not sure how good it is. not sure on the mother daughter thing any good? tell me what you think please and thank you

Reviews

[Arianna]

oh fun part :)
i like it.
it ties up loose ends
if im saying what everyone else is saying its cause im not looking
so you know its twice as true :)
but its really good so far and i really like the book :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Ah, maybe use this as your bridge chapter, it seems to tie loose ends and bings the reader into focus, nicely done,

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[Lorrie]

I really like how the story is flowing. It's ok to have short chapters, don't worry. One thing I noticed is that your dialogue is ok (even though at times it can be stiff but not this chapter), some of the other writing feels like an info dump. I did this, then I did that, then I went to bed. One article I read said to always think of it like you're reading a review of a hockey game. It's boring when it's 'he hit the puck, the other guy blocked it, he score and they won.' It's the emotion that makes it. "the sweat dripped from his face as he flipped the puck into the corner of the net just before his opponent smashed him from behind". I know how and why you're writing like that, but if you go back and peek at it you'll see. I am absolutely loving this story. Character development is good, flow is good.
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[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

OH MY GOD I can't wait to read the next chapter. Her mother is being a jerk, but a loving mother at the same time. She is disappointed because her child didn't tell her what was going on in her life. Thanks for sharing. :)

[halflives]

Oh heck. How's Carter going to react? Her mom just kicked her out of the house, why is she still helping her? That's one deranged mother.

[Sarah E. Pearson]

i love the mother daughter thing. you can tell the mother is in denial. and i love the bit between maddy and hannah. i love the ending too. the part where she said "i like birds..." made me start laughing hysterically! love it julie, keep it up!!

[Jesse Jacques]

whoa, i din't expect her to tell Carson that she was pregnant YET. but, wow. nice job

[Grace Catherine C.]

"I like birds.." Love it!

[Jim Parson]

I think you get better with every chapter! Of course, you know it wouldn't be me if I didn't have something to say! You need to watch "your vs. you're" and "to vs. too". You have a lot of mistakes with those here. I think that is probably the biggest pet peeve of avid readers, so by solving just that one little thing, you would eliminate a ton of distraction. If you look, you'll see that almost the entire chapter is dialogue. You could improve your chapter a lot by adding details of surroundings, thoughts, feelings, movements, etc. Loved the conversation with Hannah...it was great. The conversation with her mother was kind of emotionless though. Again, the scene with her mom was told entirely through dialogue so you could add a lot to it by adding some detail. But you are getting much better! I guess practice really does make perfect. (Still lots of misspellings and wrong words though!)

[Short.Nerd]

No fair!! :/ Cliff hanger :P lol. Nice chapter! Cute conversation with Hannah:)