Young and Derelict

Young and Derelict

A Poem by Kayleen
"

SIck.

"

Numb Numb

Needles in the skin

Dumb Dumb

 Never gonna win

 Gone Gone

Smoke is in the bong

Gone Gone

Please tell me this is wrong

Down Down

The hope I had we drown

Down Down

Dead and Underground

Sick Sick

These slits just feel like nicks

Sick Sick

We Are the Young and Derelict


© 2014 Kayleen


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Author's Note

Kayleen
if you took the time to read it please take just 3 seconds more to leave a review or some feedback please. thank you!

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

It's okay.... I understand that being repetitive and repeating lines in poetry is a trend to emphasize points, but this one does it a bit excessively. Maybe I'm not knowledgable enough about poetry, or maybe I'm just biased as this type of poetry isn't my favorite, but overall I don't think it's one of your best works. Your other ones seemed to have more thought.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

It's okay.... I understand that being repetitive and repeating lines in poetry is a trend to emphasize points, but this one does it a bit excessively. Maybe I'm not knowledgable enough about poetry, or maybe I'm just biased as this type of poetry isn't my favorite, but overall I don't think it's one of your best works. Your other ones seemed to have more thought.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This poem was pain and hurt and honesty and realness.. very impressed and touched. 100/100

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This poem was very real. I could feel what tge author was going through...very good.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Strong use of words. I like the use of blackness to strengthen your points. I liked the poem. Create reaction and thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Awesome repetition, and the near rhyme was well done

Posted 6 Years Ago


I loved it. Very powerful. I loved the flow of the poem, made it all the more intense and strong. Great job.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I am a sucker for repetition. Great structure. Strong topic.
My favorite lines are "Please tell me", "drown" and "these slits just feel like nicks".
Well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This poem has a sad reminiscent feeling to it doesn't it. That's how it feels to me. I like the way it describes that feeling.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Has a nice rhythm to it with effective use of repetition, but the message is clear, that self destructive behaviors harm. It's sad that we do have a generation of "young and derelict" but we pretend we don't. Loved this. Penny

Posted 6 Years Ago


This sounds like a cry for help, the anguish and despair ring out. Repetition is something that appeals to me, and in this case the use of it worked well, in my mind. Well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

798 Views
20 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 22, 2014
Last Updated on May 27, 2014
Tags: youth, apathy, depression, sad, drugs, addiction, loss, lost, dark, thought, introspective

Author

Kayleen
Kayleen

Anaheim, CA



About
Kayleen. 22. California. I Like Old School Punk Rock, Electro nonsense, and Katy Perry. The Mighty f*****g Boosh. Everything else amazing overseas we dont have here. I make movies, bad decisions.. more..

Writing
Not Capable Not Capable

A Poem by Kayleen



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Imagine Imagine

A Poem by Chris Micha