Betrayal

Betrayal

A Poem by Kayleen
"

what they dont know cant hurt them... can it?

"
Im afraid of what will happen
after you come home
im not sure if I can handle
next time we are alone

I know that we werent sober
but it wasnt just the drinks
I know the way you look at me
I know the way you think

Im not sure who started it
which one of us gave first
Just your mouth entwined with mine
I thought my heart would burst

No time to feel guilty
enveloped in our sin
indulging something we both wanted
your fingers on my skin

But you know Im good at lying
we can always play pretend
act like nothing ever happened
we were never more then friends

and it would be so easy
if we could be together
but thats just a silly wish
I'll be wishing on forever...









© 2012 Kayleen


Author's Note

Kayleen
if you took the time to read it, please take just a few seconds more to review it. thank you!

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Featured Review

This is an interesting piece as my mind went to someone very close to my heart and soul - my kindred, my best friend yet she has her own life and I have mine. Should we get into close proximity with one another, all bets might be off, hence why it has not happened yet. Not that we lack control so much as we connect like no others; I've even been told I understand her and can calm her better than her boyfriend so there is that issue to keep me at a distance.

Wonderful piece that triggered an emotional and thought provoking response by me - be proud of this one.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love this write the way you formed your stanzas makes it flow so well it gives a rhythm to it this reminds me of an awkward moment with my friend at a party we went to thank you for sharing this write I enjoyed this read

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is an interesting piece as my mind went to someone very close to my heart and soul - my kindred, my best friend yet she has her own life and I have mine. Should we get into close proximity with one another, all bets might be off, hence why it has not happened yet. Not that we lack control so much as we connect like no others; I've even been told I understand her and can calm her better than her boyfriend so there is that issue to keep me at a distance.

Wonderful piece that triggered an emotional and thought provoking response by me - be proud of this one.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Enjoyed this, I get the impression that the inspiration for this poem stems from personal experience as it feels very raw.

Only minor changes needed to improve the flow of the poem as it is in my opinion. In the third stanza I would change 'just your mouth' to 'when your mouth' because I think that it reads better and makes more sense lyrically.

Also although the final stanza is memorable, I would consider doing something different with the final line 'I'll be wishing on forever'. This line doesn't read well for me as part of the final stanza. To combat this, maybe think about re-phrasing it, for example you could change the 'be' to 'keep'. Or, to heighten its impact, you could isolate the final line at the conclusion of the poem.

Aside from these very minor issues a nice piece, keep writing!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Scorpio

7 Years Ago

I would also like more clarification on why the poem is titled 'Betrayal'. Maybe I am missing someth.. read more
My, my, I do relate to this one. Good flow, and rhyme. Well written, great job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Damn this piece is a bloody brilliant poem. Love the emotion feel to it, very very nicely penned.

Kaze~ :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You tell a good story here in smooth, thoughtful rhyme. I like the opening stanza and how it captures the awkward situation I think many can relate to at some time in their lives. Nicely done :) Penny

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This poem speaks me. Words are so simplified, yet it sounds so amazing...

Posted 7 Years Ago


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Sam
A smooth flowing read. It was so natural I didn't even realise it had rhymed.

Posted 7 Years Ago


beautifully written!!!u used simple words only.but it is still amazing

Posted 7 Years Ago


Vague implications up until the last few stanzas and I must say: what you've intended is much more different than what I perceived in my thoughts, as I've grown in a different environment and make assumptions based on so. This separate mindset has seemed to contribute to the piece in its entirety, surprising me with the mention of seduction and the hush-hush longings of a scorned heart wanting he who has scorned you . . . Well expressed!

Posted 7 Years Ago



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921 Views
22 Reviews
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Shelved in 6 Libraries
Added on June 30, 2012
Last Updated on July 5, 2012
Tags: betrayal, love, mistakes

Author

Kayleen
Kayleen

Anaheim, CA



About
Kayleen. 22. California. I Like Old School Punk Rock, Electro nonsense, and Katy Perry. The Mighty f*****g Boosh. Everything else amazing overseas we dont have here. I make movies, bad decisions.. more..

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A Poem by Kayleen



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