Gratitude

            Adelynn awakens to the sound of the birds singing outside. When she opens her eyes, the bright sunlight burns them. Squinting, she stands and walks to the trunk at the end of her bed. Lauren, the cook, has already left their room to work in the kitchen. Adelynn frowns, they usually talk for a while before attending to their duties. Then, she remembers their guest.

            Adelynn quickly changes into her work dress and walks to the prince’s room. She knocks on the thick wooden door, praying to receive an answer this time. She stands, waiting, for a few seconds. When she turns to return downstairs, she hears the lock switch. The door opens and he prince stands before her. She blushes at the sight of his naked upper body but then bows.

            “Your Highness, do you require assistance this morning?” she asks. He doesn’t reply right away. Instead, he stares at her with a questioning look in his eyes.

            “Yes, actually. Could you make the bed while I get dressed? And I must ask you a question,” he says after his pause. Adelynn nods and walks to the bed in the center of the room. As she begins to pull back the cover, the prince addresses her.

            “What is your name?” he asks. She gives him an uncertain look. “I said, what is your name, Miss? It is Miss, isn’t it?”

            “Yes, it is. Adelynn Clark, Your Highness. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you want to know? Many people, especially those of your status, don’t ask.”

            “I believe it is very important to address people by name, Adelynn. It is rude not to in my opinion. Do you understand me, Adelynn?”

            “Yes, Your Highness.”

            “Obviously not.”

            “Excuse me?” Adelynn replied, not understanding why he believed she didn’t understand.

            “You called me ‘Your Highness’, Adelynn. Therefore, you do not understand what we have just discussed.”

            “Oh, you want be to call you Prince Tobias Lendone instead? Am I correct?” she asked, unsure of this assumption.

            “No, Adelynn. There is no need to be so formal in private. You may call me Tobias. I believe the first is quite long.”

            “Yes, Your- Tobias. Yes, Tobias,” she corrected herself. Adelynn resumed making the prince’s bed. When she had finished, he grabbed her hand softly.

            “Why did you leave me alone last night, Adelynn? You knocked twice, but then you left. Why did you leave?” he asked.

            “Well, I assumed you wanted to be alone. I didn’t feel it was the right thing to do to keep insisting. Everyone takes bad news differently. And you, Tobias, have much more to worry about than most people. Not only did your father pass, but the king did… and you’re next in line. I thought you would need time to think and grieve. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

            “Thank you, Adelynn. It truly means so much to me that you would consider my feelings; there aren’t many who’d do the same.”

            “You very welcome. I didn’t want to be a bother. And I don’t want to be now, so I will leave you to finish dressing. Breakfast should be ready soon. I do believe Lauren made your favorite.”

            “That is very kind of her. Thank her for me, will you?” he asked. Adelynn nodded and began walking toward the door, when he grabbed her wrist once again. Adelynn was surprised by his gentleness. Then he did something unspeakable for a prince, he kissed her cheek.

            Adelynn went stiff and stepped back. Clearing his throat, the prince said “I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

            “No,” Adelynn whispered, “it is fine,” she finished and left the room.

Author's Note

Should I scrap this chapter or not? I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Reviews

[Norbanus]

This is too well written for me to offer any meaningful suggestions for improvement. If I really stretch the point I might find a few minor point to nit-pick. I’ll just send back the whole thing, with suggestions embedded between parentheses:

Adelynn awakens to the sound of the(article not necessary. Delete ‘the’) birds singing outside. When she opens her eyes, the bright sunlight burns them. (‘When she opens her eyes, the bright sunlight burns them.’ Is a ‘telling’ sentence, also, you might consider a stronger verb for ‘bright’. Consider the more exciting action first, as with something like ‘The brilliant sunlight sends her burning eyes into retreat.’) Squinting, she stands and walks to the trunk at the end of her bed. Lauren, the cook, has already left their room to work in the kitchen. Adelynn frowns, they usually talk for a while before attending to their duties. Then, she remembers their guest.
Adelynn quickly changes into her work dress and walks to the prince’s room. She knocks on the thick wooden door, praying to receive an answer this time. She stands, waiting, for a few seconds. When she turns to return downstairs, she hears the lock switch. The door opens and he(the) prince stands before her. She blushes at the sight of his naked upper body but then bows.
“Your Highness, do you require assistance this morning?” she asks. He doesn’t reply right away. Instead, he stares at her with a questioning look in his eyes.
“Yes, actually. Could you make the bed while I get dressed? And I must ask you a question,” he says after his pause. Adelynn nods and walks to the bed in the center of the room. As she begins to pull back the cover, the prince addresses her.
“What is your name?” he asks. She gives him an uncertain look. “I said, what is your name, Miss? It is Miss, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. Adelynn Clark, Your Highness. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you want to know? Many people, especially those of your status, don’t ask.”
“I believe it is very important to address people by name, Adelynn. It is rude not to in my opinion. Do you understand me, Adelynn?”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“Obviously not.”
“Excuse me?” Adelynn replied, not understanding why he believed she didn’t understand.
“You called me ‘Your Highness’, Adelynn. Therefore, you do not understand what we have just discussed.”
“Oh, you want be to call you Prince Tobias Lendone instead? Am I correct?” she asked, unsure of this assumption.
“No, Adelynn. There is no need to be so formal in private. You may call me Tobias. I believe the first is quite long.”
“Yes, Your- Tobias. Yes, Tobias,” she corrected herself. Adelynn resumed making the prince’s bed. When she had finished, he grabbed her hand softly.
“Why did you leave me alone last night, Adelynn? You knocked twice, but then you left. Why did you leave?” he asked.
“Well, I assumed you wanted to be alone. I didn’t feel it was the right thing to do to keep insisting. Everyone takes bad news differently. And you, Tobias, have much more to worry about than most people. Not only did your father pass, but the king did… and you’re next in line. I thought you would need time to think and grieve. I didn’t want to interrupt.”
“Thank you, Adelynn. It truly means so much to me that you would consider my feelings; there aren’t many who’d do the same.”
“You very welcome. I didn’t want to be a bother. And I don’t want to be now, so I will leave you to finish dressing. Breakfast should be ready soon. I do believe Lauren made your favorite.”
“That is very kind of her. Thank her for me, will you?” he asked. Adelynn nodded and began walking toward the door, when he grabbed her wrist once again. Adelynn was surprised by his gentleness. Then he did something unspeakable for a prince, he kissed her cheek.
Adelynn went stiff and stepped back. Clearing his throat, the prince said “I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“No,” Adelynn whispered, “it is fine,” she finished and left the room.


Once we entered into the dialogue, my search for nits to pick fell apart.

Delightfully done.

[Ardra]

its cute chapter don't scrap it :)
very cute way to express their budding relation ..
good one

[Quinn W]

Thank you!

[barleygirl]

This is not my favorite genre, so I can't say that I'm eagerly drawn into your storyline. But I am in awe of your ability to craft substantive conversations between people to show us quite a bit about attitudes, relationships, & mutually-shared situations. This sounds like a professionally published story in this genre, bringing old times back to life.

[Quinn W]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the kind words especially since this genre is not necessarily appealing to you.