Things About Anxiety No One Talks About

Things About Anxiety No One Talks About

A Story by Quinn W

There are things about anxiety that no one really talks about. Everyone experiences this disorder differently, which can make it difficult to talk to others. You constantly feel like no one understands you, and it's scary when you meet someone who has the same disorder, but different experiences. I have gathered a list of things that are commonly seen in people with anxiety disorders that just isn't really discussed, and I wish to share them with you here. 
When people with anxiety finally get it under it control, perhaps through medication or therapy, they often feel as if they have lost a part of themselves. Anxiety, although it most certainly does not define you, did help to make you into the person you are today. Sorry for the cliche, but it's true. When you get your anxiety under control, you finally knock that little devil off your shoulder, you can find that you miss him. He was your constant company and now he is gone. You lost a demon, but also the person you knew the best. And now you have to truly find yourself, who you really are. And that is terrifying. 
Guilt is also common-place. Anxiety has often made me cancel on important events, quit school, quit jobs, break promises and commitments. In the previous paragraph I talked about you controlling your own anxiety, here it controls you. Although anxiety is the thief, you are the one that feels responsible. People don't always understand either, and that makes you feel even worse.
Anxiety can come out of nowhere. There doesn't have to be a cause. Asking someone why they are anxious, doesn't always get an answer. This type of anxiety is not logical, it cannot be explained logically.
Often, people with anxiety, and depression, are seen as lazy. Anxiety can present and manifest as procrastination. Anxiety is also extremely tiring. Imagine going on a rollercoaster, over and over, all day. You'll be exhausted by the end of it. Couple that with the struggles people with anxiety disorders have sleeping, and we are just constantly tired. And everything takes energy. There is an analogy that people with chronic illnesses make called Spoon Theory. Basically, you have a certain amount of energy that you can expend each day, represented by several spoons. Each action you perform, takes away one of those spoons, uses more of your finite energy. It is similar with anxiety and depression. I may not have the energy to put away clothes, brush my teeth, make my bed. Sometimes I have other things that I deem as more important than those things, like making sure I eat or get dressed. 
We tend to do things either very quickly or very slowly. When our thoughts are running a mile a minute, we walk faster, we clean faster, we talk faster. When we are highly focused on one thing, it can take hours to do. 
Anxiety is often cyclical as well. The fear of anxiety can also cause it. This is a constant loop that people with anxiety disorders are trapped in. If I do this, will I have an anxiety attack? If I don't do this, will I have an anxiety attack?
Anxiety can cause indecisiveness. I have an extreme inability to make decisions on small matters. I can't decide what I want to eat, what I want to do, when I want to do it. I often have to go to a website called Random Chooser, where type in different options and it randomly chooses one. That is how I make very small decisions for myself. However, when I have to make big decisions, I am very good at weighing all of the options, pros and cons, and making the best decision.
Sometimes, we just cry. For no reason. It is just emotions that have built up that we push down. Eventually they rise up and we let them out when we feel like we are in a safe place and stable, when they won't make us get too wound up. That is why we feel like it is for no reason, because, at that moment, we feel fine. But that is the moment it is safe to let go. 
I'm sure there are more, and feel free to share some in the comments if you wish. These are just the ones that popped into my head today.

© 2020 Quinn W


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Added on November 29, 2020
Last Updated on November 29, 2020

Author

Quinn W
Quinn W

SC



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I have always enjoyed reading. It has taught me many things others just can't explain to you. It has also fueled my love of writing. I love writing short stories, they're my creative outlet, Mom would.. more..

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