The Pelimpsest Garden - in collaboration with I Have a Voice

The Pelimpsest Garden - in collaboration with I Have a Voice

A Poem by Einstein Noodle
"

special thanks to Light and to Richard for helping make it right. Richard was so kind to show where the iambic scheme was incorrect and how it reads in a corrected form ..:)

"
Palimpsest Garden
A Poem by Einstein Noodle
" a collaboration with I Have a Voice; our first go at the English Sonnet "
"Palimpsest Garden"
hubris forms in hiding, neath winter's grace,
all paths before in spring, fall and summer.
the cycle completed will now erase;
but traces of root and bulb still glimmer.
daffodils, enchanted by an aura
like a grin on immortality's face
falls fresh overlaying all earth's flora.
one moon, it's sun; and shadow set the pace.
time, immemorial, twisting our sight 
each moment, each now erased, re-written,
a planetary palimpsest's delight
renewal addicted; werewolf bitten
new epics are heard as each petal falls
rise up and receive; the universe calls.
by I Have a Voice and E.
2014

"Palimpsest Garden"


huBRIS FORMS in HIDing, NEATH WINTer's GRACE,

all PATHS beFORE in SPRING, FALL and SUMmer.

the CYcle comPLETed will NOW eRASE;

but TRACes of ROOT and BULB still GLIMmer.


DAFfoDILS, enCHANTed BY an AUra

LIKE a GRIN on IMmorTALiTY’S FACE

falls FRESH OVerLAYing ALL earth's FLORa.

one MOON, it's SUN; and SHAdow SET the PACE.


time, IMmeMORiAL, TWISTing our SIGHT 

each MOment, each NOW eRASED, re-WRITten,

a PLANeTARy PAlimpsESTS deLIGHT

reNEWal adDICted; WEREwolf BITten


new EPics are HEARD AS each PETal FALLS

rise UP and reCEIVE; the UNiVERSE CALLS.


by I Have a Voice and E.

2014


[in correct iambic format]

"Palimpsest Garden"


huBRIS in HIDing FORMS 'neath WINTer's GRACE;

all PATHS beFORE, in SUMmer, FALL and SPRING.

the CYcle NOW comPLETed WILL eRACE,

but TRACE of ROOTed BULBS, still GLIMM’ring, SING.


enCHANTed BY an AUra, DAFfoDILS;

a GRIN (like IMmorTALiTY’S proud FACE)

falls, OVerLAYing EARTH’S fresh FLORal THRILLS.

one MOON, its SUN, and SHADow SETS the PACE.


time IMmeMORiAL shall TWIST our SIGHT;

each MOment AND each NOW  eRASED, rewrote,

a PLANeTARy PALimpsEST’S deLIGHT …

adDICtion THUS reNEWED; by WEREwolves SMOTE.


new EPics SPOKen, AS each PETal FALLS,

"rise UP, reCEIVE!" the UNiVERSE so CALLS!



        Cowrite by

I Have a Voice and E

           ©2014

© 2019 Einstein Noodle


Author's Note

Einstein Noodle

My Review

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Featured Review

Thank you Light for putting me back in the game with this old post ... these sonnets are so hard for me and doing re-doing is the pattern until it is correct ... one part is good but not another .. you change the "another" and now the "one part" is off .... i did not want to go to that painful place again tho your critique is correct ... but you are the hound of heaven, dear, and your persistence and contribution prevailed .. now please tell me its correct :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Light

10 Months Ago

Bless Your gentle heart my dear friend, Your kind spirit and Your never weak inspiration, I don;t th.. read more



Reviews

It dont seem to matter which way I read it.. to date, it's always enjoyed :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

thank you sir! I love your opinions .. and appreciate your expertise :) my iambs are not solidly pla.. read more
Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

ps. if you look closely you will see the differences in Richards corrections ... he does put it in a.. read more
Neville

3 Months Ago

Always a bloomin pleasure Gene and always mine sir..
The voice in this is very drawing in a sincere and longing tone. I love the rhyme and rhythm and the lines unfold in a lulling sort of cadence to a sublime feel punch ending! I can hear both yours and lights voice in this how much fun is that! masterful work in here

Posted 3 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

3 Months Ago

thanks for wading through this one Bunny! much appreciate your input .. Light pointed out an improve.. read more
Whew-ee, Gene!
You two skilled artists bravely took on a very rigorous poetic challenge with this. Especially, being your first ever attempt at the English Sonnet, and I can tell you, "I've seen a whole lot worse, My Friend!"
First off, the title is sheer genius, and you both stuck passionately to the agenda through and through.
The title is stunningly brilliant. Pelimpsest: something reused or altered, but still bearing visible traces of its earlier form … sheez!

The video is perfect; it had me mesmerized first to last note and graphic, and there are some marvelously vivid and powerfully expressed phrasing, lines, verses, and metaphor, that moved and impressed me deeply … you two make a beautifully harmonious team.

On the techy side, there are a number of iambic trips that can easily be sorted, if you've the notion … I mean, all the bones are here; it's a great piece to start your sonneteering with. I see this was composed in 2014, but poems are never too olde to appreciate, enjoy, and keep perfecting, eh? : )

I never met your co-author, "I Have a Voice", or had the opportunity to enjoy their work, but now wish I had.
Big smiles and most grateful thanks for sharing this with us … keep up the good work, My Friend! ⁓ Richard 🍃


Posted 4 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

4 Months Ago

I Have a Voice has been gone for a while now but i will try to connect with her .. your review and a.. read more
Richard 🍃

4 Months Ago

You make sharing and reading a genuine pleasure, Gene.
Yes, and I happily agree that a poem w.. read more
Delightful sonet capturing the cycle of seasons in a lovely, descriptive and uplifting work.

Posted 7 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

7 Months Ago

thanks John! so kind of you to say so ...
E.
dear E... we have left our feelings under the snow where tired hearts rest with roses until the Spring when trumpets bloom in refrain from the sweetly falling rain. Hearts entwine with morning glories and nests with Robins eggs are kept warm with feathers and sunshine’s shift into summer time☔️ truly, Pat

Posted 7 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

7 Months Ago

oh my goodness Pat! how you have touched and uplifted me ol' heart with this review ... i could not .. read more
I look forward to coming back and reading this one again and again, as I can tell I'll gain new insight and meaning each time! I love the underlying concept - as I'm waiting for garden season it's fun to think what may be going on in this "planetary palimpsest" of winter beyond just the dead remnants you can see above-ground!

Posted 8 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

7 Months Ago

yes ... our gardens a perfect example eh!? we have lots of prolific gardener poets here at the Cafe'.. read more
lizardbrain

7 Months Ago

there are some creepers that don't mind growing amongst rocks! creeping thyme, and mint will grow an.. read more
Einstein Noodle

7 Months Ago

:) ........................
WOW....when a poem I write is scrunched up and thrown across the room, it leaves space for the next one I will write....just as daffodils lose their petals and a new flower begins to bud. The circle of life effects all things....even poems it seems. Sometimes a line from an older poem of mine finds a place in a new poem I write. The imagery in this is spectacular and the metaphor not lost on me. E, this one is superb! When the universe calls, we must answer. "I have a voice"....thanks for helping with this one....I so enjoyed it. Lydi**

Posted 9 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

8 Months Ago

yes...this is an older one for sure sorry that I Have a Voice no longer visits :( i appreciate how y.. read more
Lydia

8 Months Ago

Good poetry never dies, my friend...never!
Wonderful use of words my friend. They had the feel of the mystic writers of the past who knew. Nature was the blessed place.
"daffodils, enchanted by an aura
like a grin on immortality's face
falls fresh overlaying all earth's flora.
one moon, it's sun; and shadow set the pace."
The above lines could stand alone. Thank you Einstein for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 9 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

9 Months Ago

thank you so much for visiting this poem, Coyote! it is not my norm and together with I Have a Voice.. read more
Coyote Poetry

8 Months Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome my friend.
This is a wonderful collaboration by the two of you E.! The form, flow, language, metaphor, alliteration, and imagery are lovely. I think beautiful Light has a lovely influence on you. This sonnet must have been a difficult task to compose- even though a palimpsest (love that word)! Aren’t we all palimpsests as we grow and learn?......Excelent write and Kudos to you both. P.S. Awesome video!

Posted 10 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

10 Months Ago

definitely not my forte' ... working with "I have a Voice" was a real treat and Light absolutely hel.. read more
Annette Pisano-Higley

10 Months Ago

Many Congrats to “I have a Voice” as well for this lovely work.:)))
werewolf bitten. Why do i like that line so much. expressing oneself beautifully without contrivance within the confines of a sonnet is like trying to eat thanksgiving dinner in a corset. Your talent is impressive. Nods to the both of you. Wonderful lines throughout this one.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Einstein Noodle

10 Months Ago

wow TL! i am supercharged now! really happy your keen eye enjoyed and i am more than gratified by yo.. read more

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Added on November 14, 2018
Last Updated on July 13, 2019

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Einstein Noodle
Einstein Noodle

Pork Rind, AK



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