"The Line" in collaboration with Sleepless Volcano and editing by Richard

an English Sonnet

The Line

Drawn there in rows, they wait on news to come;

the kids play hide-and-seek, while parents paced.

Is no one there to beat their silent drum?   

So thick the dread, all hope is soon erased.

A shout collides on empty space today,

with steel resolve for havens not their own.

A mother gives her babe to thieves in pay,

foul reaping fruits fermenting sin thus sown.

Now, strangers' hands are raised in muted cries,

demanding place to have in have nots' angst.

The child reveals his wide, bewildered eyes,

a light that hopes to shine upon their ranks.

Although the lines are muddied down through time;

alone, a child will pay for all this crime.

Author's Note

Reviews

[barleygirl]

To be honest, my main complaint about sonnets is that they are usually too fluffy in content. It's like poets are concentrating on nailing the form, but the message is often lukewarm romantic tripe that sounds like every other sonnet. Well, let me tell ya, this sonnet does NOT suffer that malady! You have something to say & you say it with such powerful intensity, the reader is completely forgetting to look at whatever traces of "sonnet" might be there to inspect & admire! This is a great poem & I congratulate you all on your poetic efforts & for having such heart (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness dear barley!! how you have made this effort more than worth it .. i agree completely about your complaint with sonnets .. the form often compels the poet to revert to antiquated language .. so very happy you did not find this so .. i read one time that in writing any poetry .. it should always read as one speaks .. i confess i do not always follow that .. but with sonnets .. i think it is especially important .. so glad you decided to review this one my friend!
E.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

And that line is indeed a thin one as we sit in our safe havens thinking we are immune. Such a sad snapshop of part of our sad world as people flee towards us seeking a better life. A precise sonnet and one that says more than I love you, I love you, I love you!

[Einstein Noodle]

God bless John! your sensitivity touches me ol' heart sir! thank you so much for all the support you give writers ...right here at the Cafe' :))))))))
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

A powerfully emotional write. The collaboration is so good it is impossible to tell who wrote which lines...seamless. Yes, the children suffer and no matter which side of the political fence one is on, that is sad. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

yes it is :( thank you for reviewing .. i am super happy that the non-political is evident .. and a focus on the children .. they suffer both sides of borders so innocently .. best of the day to ya Lyd! i celebrate knowing you for what are rolling by as years ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
E.

[Lydia Shutter]

So many years...and good ones they have been, E. May we read each other for many more.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed Lydia! many many!! love on ya girl! :)

[Robert Trakofler]

nicely nicely done such a these times reference in a past times tone makes for a very interesting read with an extra AHA! punch at the end! Cant say I was ready for this one hit me completely by surprise! what a gem of a write guys A big Bunny fedora wave to you folks! This has everything I love most in it rhyme and rhythm and awesome content with an excellent exclamation point ending.

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! the big Bunny fedora wave!!!!! what greater honor i can not imagine sir :) thanks s o much for reading and your generous, encouraging review ..peace on Earth my friend
E.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

This really puts political agendas in perspective... no matter the stance we take on an issue like this, we can't deny its usually the children who pay the heaviest price! Bravo on the collective effort!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Travis .. appreciate your reviewing .. i think you are absolutely right about the downfall of all the politicking ..it is dreadful .. all the accusations across the board have never been so despicable in my opinion ... i think the Democratic Party has become unhinged :((( anyway .. didn't mean to go there ;) thanks again sir .. will be headed your way
E.

[lightsong]

and YOU finally did it!! wohooo! congratulations dear E! I was seeing Your poem here and there and was aiming to come and read it, but didn't know it was a Sonnet what a surprise! one thing You and Sleepless Volcano surely did, making the Sonnet seems easy, simple and smooth, and when I say this I mean it in the good way, many times You may read a sonnet and get the complicated complex feelings, and here I don't feel ANY! well done both of You, You and him with no doubt collaborate excellently, I don't feel two in this one, I feel one person, one pen! warm and happy congratulations for both of You~~

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so very much Light .. i could not be happier with a review than yours .. keeping it in our language used was a goal .. Sleepless and I have done several different poems together and he is always easy to work with .. this one especially so as he has been missing in action for over a month .. and it is his theme we started with ;) i thought for sure he would have access to the internet wherever he went .. but have not seen hide nor hair of him .. Richard's guidance was masterful .. can not forget his hand in this either ;) so happy for your review ... thanks again Light!
E.

[lightsong]

then I should check these poems out, You can send me their titles, and I hope You will hear back so soon from Sleepless dear E.

[Einstein Noodle]

i know!!! he needs to see what became of his idea! ;) i will look back and send them to ya asap!

[Einstein Noodle]

i know!!! he needs to see what became of his idea! ;) i will look back and send them to ya asap!

[Einstein Noodle]

this is the first one we did together ;)
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/rIGt2mAk3/1513084/

[Aurora]

Intriguing write, to say the least.

[Einstein Noodle]

Hi Aurora! I am not sure we have met before?? Thank you for reading and commenting .. always an honor when a compatriot poet spends time reading ones "stuff" .. and I will stop by your place for sure .. see if we can get to know each other a bit more ;) glad you were intrigued! :)
E.

[Paul Bell]

Always the children.
Twenty first century, not a lot has changed.
Actually, free movement has probably exasperated the vile trade.
Great collab.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for stopping by Paul! always a treat to have your input ... hmmmmmm not sure free movement is working when one takes a look at the EU .. countries are beginning to regret the lack of control .. kind of like having a highway run through ones garage ... it is a horrible trade .. seems a real war needs to be declared in alliance to destroy all the cartels .. i think they are at the heart of way too much misery and human suffering .. all the while piling up riches beyond comprehension >;/
E.

[Paul Bell]

Free movement is definitely not working, sooner we're out the better.

[Einstein Noodle]

;) ......................

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. i miss read your comment sir! a brain fart as they say .. i glossed right over "exasperated" :}

[Richard🖌]

Gene,
You and SleeplessVolcano said a mouthful here for the ongoing atrocities and unfortunate fate of our neighbors from south-of-the-border, and for our country, as-well.
Sometime, somehow, there is great hope for a beneficial solution on the horizon to make things right and just for all.
Beautiful sonneteering, you two -- virtually spot-on in every aspect of proper poeting. Bring your heroic couplet into conformity with the rest of your lines and verses, and it will be literally spot-on … music's perfect!!!
Thank you ever-so gratefully for the honorable mention of my name, but there was little left for me to "edit". : )

Thank you graciously for composing in this powerful form for our pleasure and awe.
I would hope more will be inspired by your efforts to learn and compose in the wonderfully amazing Sonnet! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Einstein Noodle]

is it the first line of the couplet and rhythm you are referring too?? or plainness of the second line??
..and thanks so very much for your guidance with this .. i feel very satisfied completing it ;) top o' the mahrnin sir!
E.

[Richard🖌]

I'm referring to your Heroic Couplet (last two lines in your poem) being a size smaller than the rest and all in italics.
Both lines of the couplet should be the same as the rest of the poem, except that "all" in the second line of the couplet, you might set in italics to emphasize its importance.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahhhhhhh i will make those changes sir! thanks again! :)))

[emmajoy]

Which is the more important point here, its tragic content or the form in which it's written? Pausing - because this needs the thought two first-class writers have seamlessly used in achieving a goal. Can but congratulate you both for using academic skill yet, highlighting a modern horror for which there should be global and eternal disgust.

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you emmajoy! i appreciate your reviewing always ... sonnets are work for me ..and so i am pretty gratified by your impressions .. love and joy and peace