Inanimated

Sally is trapped inside a doll's body in an alternate universe.

Sally was lonely as she sat on her hardwood floor. Gazing into the glass eyes of her porcelain dolls, she couldn't help but wonder what was beyond the window pane. She gathered all of her books and toys, and stacked them on top of one another to build a stairway to the source of the light behind the glass. Carefully, she scaled her tower of possessions to the edge of the window pane. Daintily, she placed each foot one by one as close to the glass as she could manage, It was so bright, she couldn't see a thing. Her breath began to quicken, and yet there was no foggy evidence of it on the flawless window. Curiously, she slowly leaned forward to press her button nose onto the glass. Before she could catch her breath, here petite physique tumbled into the light. Not a sound escaped her rosey lips. Lower and lower, or higher and higher? It felt slow at first, then Sally was tumbling into darkness. Only then did she even attempt to catch her breath, when the salty water flooded her lungs.  Her hands flew to her throat as her dress billowed over her head like a jellyfish. The opposite direction of my skirt! She thought with haste. That must be the surface! With all of the energy she could muster, she kicked and she kicked until she bumped her head on the sandy floor. Though she couldn't be sure, the pockets under her eyes began to ache, threatening to add more droplets of salty water to her dead sea. Quickly, she kicked off from the sandy sea floor and shot up towards the surface with her arms at her sides like a missile. Without a hint of light, her heart jumped when her head immersed from the salty sea. Gasping and coughing, her hazel eyes struggled to adjust to the dim lighting, burning through her pupils behind a mask of clouds. As her pupils tightened, she made out what seemed to be a fishing dock, if she remembered correctly. She had been here once; long, long ago. Now, it was refuge. She paddled over, no longer noticing her raspy coughing. 

Feeling the splintery platform, she pried herself to the surface. Still gasping, she rolled over onto her back and closed her eyes to wash away the burning salt. Black and red squiggles floated and danced behind her eyelids. She shivered and her teeth clicked. The breeze chilled her damp flesh. The tiny hairs prickled as the stood up. Finally she allowed her eyes to open as she propped herself up on bare elbows. He dress clung to her bumpy skin. Her eyes widened at the sight of trees with pointy leaves and grass that looked like kittens tails. Gazing down at her pale legs and black shoes, she felt a shiver run up her spine. Her fingers; they could bend! Fingernails. . . bones! It couldn't be! She pulled a splinter out of the wood and dragged it across her arm. A thin line of crimson red immersed from snow white skin. It was so. She rose to her feet and dashed into the trees; animated, once more.

Author's Note

Ignore typos.

Reviews

[Matt Sayer]

Ignoring the typos and grammatical errors, the story itself paints an intriguing, yet somewhat confusing picture. The imagery used is quite effective, though I felt like the actual events happening to Sally were a little unclear. Of course, mystery and an absence of clarity is part of the theme of the story, so such is not exactly a negative criticism. The final paragraph was the clearest and the most powerful.

Good work!

[Rachel Creed]

Thank you! The unclarity in the first paragraph is a representation of the confusion and disorientation in this odd afterlife that she fell into. To escape it, she once again had to fall into the face of death in order to reach the clarity in the second paragraph. My writing usually doesn't make any sense.

[Matt Sayer]

Oh no, it made sense, and I understand the confusion was indicative of Sally's plight, I just think that during the process of tumbling out the window, it was a little foggy in the procession of events. Again, nit-picky, because overall it is a short and sweet story!

[theward]

This is amazing Rachel all of your writings on here r

[Rachel Creed]

Thank you!

[theward]

Welcome :-)

[Billy Sullivant]

I really liked this story, also the heavy imagination! Nice, nice, nice.

[char]

The first paragraph has a lot going on. So much so that I lost track of what was going on. However, confusion is what you were aiming for and this is your own style of writing, so I really can't complain. I just think clearing the story up a bit would help it flow easier. Excessive imagery can become quite overwhelming. However, I do applaud you for having such a unique way of telling a story.

[Rachel Creed]

I like excessive imagery. I'm kind of into sensory overloads. It makes people uncomfortable and makes a story worth remembering.