Bleak Desire

written for the poetry and lyrical challenge group

You hurt me
I hurt you,
That was something
I had to do

My bleak burning desire
to kill you,
is eventually something I'm
going to succumb to.

You tortured me
you teased me,
you used me
and abused me.

You set me up
to fail this time,
but let me tell you
vengence is mine.

I feel this need
to end your life,
because you almost
ended mine

You ripped out my heart,
stomped on my soul,
"Thing's will get better"!,
were the lies i was told

Low and behold
it got worse,
luckily i wasn't the one
in that hearse.

It was you
i wish you well,
may you burn and rot
in HELL!

YOUR POSSE WILL BE NEXT!

Author's Note

enjoy

Reviews

[St.Jimmy]

the poem is really really outstanding
but I feel that the poem shows more cursing and less the emotions of a heart break
the words like "kill" and curses like" may you burn and rot in hell" makes the poem scary and raging.......... huh?
It's good to curse someone in the poem to a little extent but not to such limits that the terror take over the emotions in the poem
Anyways the poem is really well written.... and pls don't mind the above criticism
thank you
keep writing!
~Aaradhya

[Hippy]

i love this its so evil and shows hatred and anger and even hurt but goten over the hurt n changged it to anger i like it well done

[Rachel U.]

Lol, this was a little funny to me. There was almost *too much* anger - besides that, it was a wee bit unrealistic. No one would feel no remorse at having done such a thing. Unless, of course, you're writing from the viewpoint of a schizophrenic or a flat out madman.
Btw, I am very critical of using all capitals in any words; it can come across as a little silly. In fact, if you hadn't done so, the entire poem probably wouldn't have come across to me as a "little funny." Just a thought for you. Italics are you friends.
Overall, some interesting language. It amused me.
8.9/100

[Steph]

that was amazingly raw emotion that felt so real. loving it. :D

[kayla garcia]

wow intense wow but asume

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Ah-mazing. This writing just reeks with revenge and passion, I absolutely love this! The rhyming is immense, too-keep up the good stuff!!!

[Saturn's Lover]

Wow man! I felt the anger in this. Great write, good flow and rhyming scheme. You really had something to say here, i enjoyed your passion.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

this is excellent, full of powerful emotion, a lot of us can relate to this

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Man! I felt like grabbing the phone and warning my friends. Your emotions just swept over me. It was so angry and chaotic, but somehow I saw things your way. You made it impossible not to.

[butifulemmy]

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!

[ZmH]

i love this poem. for me it is easy to relate to. good write,keep up the work