Bleak Desire

Bleak Desire

A Poem by r
"

written for the poetry and lyrical challenge group

"
You hurt me
I hurt you,
That was something
I had to do

My bleak burning desire
to kill you,
is eventually something I'm
going to succumb to.

You tortured me
you teased me,
you used me
and abused me.

You set me up
to fail this time,
but let me tell you
vengence is mine.

I feel this need
to end your life,
because you almost
ended mine

You ripped out my heart,
stomped on my soul,
"Thing's will get better"!,
were the lies i was told

Low and behold
it got worse,
luckily i wasn't the one
in that hearse.

It was you
i wish you well,
may you burn and rot
in HELL!

YOUR POSSE WILL BE NEXT!



© 2010 r


Author's Note

r
enjoy

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Featured Review

the poem is really really outstanding
but I feel that the poem shows more cursing and less the emotions of a heart break
the words like "kill" and curses like" may you burn and rot in hell" makes the poem scary and raging.......... huh?
It's good to curse someone in the poem to a little extent but not to such limits that the terror take over the emotions in the poem
Anyways the poem is really well written.... and pls don't mind the above criticism
thank you
keep writing!
~Aaradhya


Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is exactly was I was looking for in this weeks title and topic. The emotions is powerful and the flow of this poem is smooth all the way through. Thank you for posting int the group.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Woah.. That was intense.

Revenge sounds really fun and relieving.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I enjoyed this a lot. Nice short stanza's and the flow was very good. Great job. The only problem I had was the fifth stanza. It didn't fit well, probably because it didn't rhyme.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

OMGIEZ!! I LOVE IT 100% ALL THE WAY!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I liked it a lot, but there were some things that I want to point out. In the first and second stanzas the rhymes seemed forced, but I know that sometimes rhymes that SEEM forced actually aren't. And I didn't really like how you rhymed "time" with "mine," but it still worked. Also, in the fifth stanza you didn't rhyme at all. But I loved Loved LOVED the third stanza. Keep up the good work!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

you have certainly captured this anger,,,,,,you bring it so well in this piece,,,,

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow! i really like this! there were 'minor" grammar issues but the flow was very good. i love the revenge and the anger put into this piece. it makes it all the more joyable. oh how i feel like this at the very moment! sounds fun.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow...filled with such intense emotion, I have to say! I wish to say these things to a few people at my school...but I just seem to hold the emotion in, but paper could only understand. I really like this! Wonderful job!

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

good good stuff, loved it ;P

Posted 14 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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2146 Views
69 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on March 26, 2010
Last Updated on May 16, 2010

Author

r
r

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