Kindness

I hold onto the decreasing value there is in being kind

Because I've gone through being miserable 

And it gives me peace of mind

You'd be surprised what I shrug off 

Where in others would not refrain

And some people cry puddles, 

But my eyes are the pouring rain. 

I want to feel some sort of clarity 

But I'm stranded in a fog 

I shouldn't want to care less

I just I wish I could move on

I shouldn't let anyone treat me like s**t 

But I don't want to come out rude, 

I need to stand my ground, 

But I don't know if I want to.  

I don't know where I'm going 

But I'm not f*****g walking there alone.

And if you won't stand beside me, 

on this desolate rocky trip 

Then I guess I just need no one 

To help me get a f*****g grip

I have been running in useless tangled circles

Trying to find some place I could call home 

When I already was stranded

somewhere I just do not belong.

I care about your happiness 

Vastly more than I do my own.

I never wanted you to save me

I just wanted you to see

That sometimes I need protection

From my parts that aren't me 

And when I'm bellowing and falling, 

Into some illusive state 

I just wish someone would tell me, 

That it won't be my fate. 

I've been tired of giving myself away 

And receiving little back 

Of having so damn much to give 

And yet feeling that I lack

So tired of bending over backwards

With something weighing on my back. 

I wish that I could care less

Maybe it would save me from this life 

That feels like such a mess 

no one can seem to clean up right.

 

I think I am being ripped apart 

from deep within the seams 

I want to conquer my own life, 

But don't know what any of this means. 

I need something that is tangible, 

And not just a promise or a wish.. 

I wish someone would help me 

But it almost feels not worth it. 

I am trying to sew myself up, but my wounds are burning hot 

They are telling me to let go, and be something that I'm not. 

I don't know how to feel 

on the inside of my head

My emotions seem to wander, 

they lose their color and seem dead.

My words spend so much time on the back burner

catering to everyone who can't be pleased

they never seem to need to be heard 

at least enough to come out right, 

and when I am channeled and resurfaced,

I don't feel the right to need. 

I don't see beauty or the light. 

So, just hold it all together 

well it feels like there is too much going on 

I'm not even sure what defines "it"

rolling around, writhing in pain, like my soul is 

and it slithers out the tight hold of my palms

It has gotten to the point I can't explain what could be wrong

I feel something beyond disappointment 

When I can't satiate whatever it is that you look for

But I've been dragging myself down

Living in the wake of a storm 

That no one seems to understand

I want to feel a cool wind blowing 

But it's always moist, it's soiled, and wet with sand. 

And whatever vibe I've been feeling I just wish I could forget

I feel like I am falling but I just haven't hit the ground yet. 

Reviews

[Skuldaegz]

This is written really well, the emotions are described so well that the actual words can seem to slip away and the poem is more felt than read. If that makes any sense.