Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A Chapter by SilentSKY

Chapter 2

            I lay in my bed, blood dripping out of my nose. I could feel how red and hot my face was, and there was shimmering red blood oozing onto my bedspread. I stared at the white wall, my mind blank. I felt hollow, and wiped my nose, smearing blood on my hand. I was hated by my own brother and by my own father.

            I was beginning to hate me.

            I began thinking about Mama, and where she could be right now, what she’s doing. I wondered about her, and tried to remember what she looked like.

            I remembered that she had had beautiful, dark red hair and deep green eyes like Daniel. I remembered that had perfect skin and a gentle touch.

            I remembered that she loved me.

            Suddenly, I began recalling a memory. I closed my eyes, trying to remember  it…

“Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke,

Mama’s gonna buy you a Billy goat.

 

And if that Billy goat won’t pull,

Mama’s gonna buy you a cart and bull.

 

And if that cart and bull fall down,

You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.” Mama finished singing to me in her sweet voice. I smiled up at her and laughed. She was holding me in a wooden rocking chair, rocking us both back and forth.

            “You like my singing, Sky?” Mama cooed, gently stroking my head.

            “More, Mama! More!” I smiled and reached up for her soft face. She laughed and grabbed my hands.

            “My little Sky, it’s time for you to sleep. C’mon,” Mama said, and carried me over to my crib, gently placing me inside.

            “Goodnight, my little bird. Fly high in your dreams, alright?” She bent down and kissed me softly on my forehead. I nodded and lay down, snuggling into my blankets.

            Mama quietly walked out of my room, flipping off the light switch and leaving the door cracked, a little bit of light falling in.

            I closed my eyes, still hearing Mama’s voice singing to me.  “Hush, little baby, don't say a word…”

            “Diane, when the Hell are you going to start making me some money? We’re flat out broke right now!” Dad’s angry voice grumbled.

            “Charlie, I told you- I’m trying to get a deal with a record company so I can become a country singer! But because I ain’t discovered yet, he don’t-”

            “Diane, you ain’t gonna get a record deal with some fancy and rich folks! Only movie stars can get that kind of money, and just waiting around for some man ain’t doing us any good! I work at least at the gas station, getting us a little bit of money!” Dad hollered.

            “Charlie, hush, you might wake the-”

            “I don’t care about the kids! Let them wake up, I don’t care! I just care about the fact that we don’t have any money cause you won’t haul you’re lazy-”

            “Charlie Fey, I told you- I’m trying!”

            Suddenly, I heard a loud slap. I could hear Mama start to cry, and I stood up in my crib, hoping she was ok.

            “You ain’t trying hard enough, Diane.” There was silence, and I heard the front door slam shut.

            I peeked out of the crack in the door (I could see it from my crib) and saw Mama sitting on the floor, her face in her hands. Her shoulders rose and shuddered, and I could hear her sob.

            “Mama?” I heard Daniel call out to her in his bed that was next to mine. Mama didn’t seem to hear him.

            He looked up at me from his big boy bed. “You been awake too?”

            I nodded, then realizing that he probably couldn’t see me, I answered. “Yeah.”     

            “Mama?” Daniel called again, and Mama looked up, coming into our dark room.

            “What is it, sweetheart?” She quietly said, trying not to cry.

            “Where’s Daddy?”

            Mama was quiet for a moment, and I could almost feel her sadness. “He went out for a while. Now please, Daniel, Skyler, go to sleep.” Mama came over and gave us both soft kisses on our foreheads. But she whispered something to me that Daniel didn’t hear.

            “Please, Sky, soar farther and higher than the clouds themselves.”

 

            I opened my eyes again, sighing heavily. Suddenly, there was a loud pounding on the door.

            “Open this door, boy, or I’ll whip your-” Dad’s angry voice came from the other side of the door.

            I stood up, realizing that my nose had stopped bleeding. “I can’t open it. The lock is on your side, Dad.”

            Silence. I heard a small clicking sound, and the door came sliding open. “You little smart aleck, I wanna wring your neck so tight…” But he stopped grumbling and tossed me a stale PB&J sandwich.

            “Your lunch.” As he turned to leave, I decided to finally ask him a question about Mama.

            “Wait-Dad.”

            “What, boy?”

            “Do you know what happened to Mama after she left?” I quietly asked, looking him straight in his gray eyes.

            He didn’t say anything for a moment. “No, I don’t. Now leave me be.”

            “Wait.”

            “What now?!” He turned and glared at me.

            “Why did Mama leave?”

            Dad came storming up to me and slapped me across the face again. “Listen, boy, don’t ever speak of your good-for-nothing mother in this household, ya hear?!”

            “Yes.” I murmured, and sat back down on my bed as he slammed the door shut, locking it.

            Once again, I was drenched in silence. Luckily, my room was filtered with sunlight because of the window. I tossed my sandwich onto the nightstand and opened the curtains, letting in even more sunlight.

            I took in the scene outside, wishing I was out there with freedom to do whatever without the risk of getting smacked.

            We lived in a small, poor town in Texas called Rugem. Right outside my window was a winding dusty road that led to the town square. Along the road were ranches with cattle and horses. I suddenly remembered that Mama used to take Daniel and I to one ranch to see the horses.

            I liked those horses.

            There weren’t that many people outside today. It was pretty warm; not a good day to work outside in the heat. I put my nose to the window, wishing that I could just escape this life and start a new one.

            Or at least find Mama.

            I closed the curtains, making it slightly darker in the room. I went over to my bed and sat on it, staring at the sandwich. I wasn’t very hungry for a stale peanut-butter and jelly sandwich.

            But my stomach still rumbled from not eating since yesterday, so I picked up the sandwich and plugged my nose, hoping for the best.

            The bread was crusty and old, and I almost spat it back out. I still swallowed it- it felt like a lump of coal was sliding down my throat, and I gagged a little bit.

            I finished the sandwich and spat out any leftover taste in my mouth onto the carpet.

            I looked at my callused hands and realized that there was blood staining them. I got up from my bed and looked in the mirror, seeing my blood-stained front and dried blood right above my lips. I sighed and threw my head back.

            I was a prisoner in my own prison, and I was desperate for a way out of this Hell-on-Earth.

             



© 2010 SilentSKY


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"how red and hot my face... shimmering red blood" - I suggest deleting "shimmering red"
"I was beginning to hate me" - add "too" (with comma before) to end of sentence
"I began thinking" - "I thought"
no comma after "about Mama"
"what she’s doing" - "what she was doing"
"remembered that had" - "remembered that she had"
"I began recalling a memory" - awkward - maybe change to "I recalled something"
Quoting so much of the lullaby is unnecessary and detracts from the story. A stanza or two is plenty. (Also, "billy goat" isn't capitalized.)
"alright" - "all right"
"Diane, when the Hell are you going to start making me some money?" - Is it okay for me to say that I HATE Skyler's father?
"flat out broke" - "flat-out broke"
"I work at least at the gas station" - commas before and after "at least"
Try putting the dialogue tags in the middle of some of the longer bits instead of at the end, and see if breaking up the speech makes it flow better.
"haul you’re lazy" - "your"
"hoping she was ok" - "OK" or "okay"
dashes, not parentheses, around "I could see it from my crib"
"call out to her in his bed"- "from his bed"
"his big boy bed" - "big-boy" - That expression adds realism to the depiction of Sky as a toddler.
"You been awake too" - comma after "awake"
"see me, I answered" - comma after "answered"
"She quietly said" - "she"
"I can’t open it. The lock is on your side, Dad" - And yet, I'm sure Charlie thinks it's Sky's fault that the door is locked...
"Wait-Dad" - comma, not hyphen
"Yes.” I murmured" - comma, not period, after "Yes"
"winding dusty road" - comma after "winding"
"take Daniel and I" - "Daniel and me" (The way you figure out if it's "and I" or "and me" is whether you'd say "I" or "me" if the other person wasn't involved. Does that make sense?)
"peanut-butter" - no hyphen
Overall, good characterization, especially of the father. Sky himself seems a bit vague at times, not quite a nonentity but very quiet, even in his own head. That makes sense, though - this is a kid who has learned that drawing attention in any way is a sure way to get hit by his father or his brother or both.
The dialogue is good, too. Totally believable. (I live in Kentucky - trust me, I'm an unwilling expert on "redneck" speech patterns.) I think you made it clear just how unpleasant the father is without it crossing the line into caricature or parody.


Posted 13 Years Ago


7 of 7 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"how red and hot my face... shimmering red blood" - I suggest deleting "shimmering red"
"I was beginning to hate me" - add "too" (with comma before) to end of sentence
"I began thinking" - "I thought"
no comma after "about Mama"
"what she’s doing" - "what she was doing"
"remembered that had" - "remembered that she had"
"I began recalling a memory" - awkward - maybe change to "I recalled something"
Quoting so much of the lullaby is unnecessary and detracts from the story. A stanza or two is plenty. (Also, "billy goat" isn't capitalized.)
"alright" - "all right"
"Diane, when the Hell are you going to start making me some money?" - Is it okay for me to say that I HATE Skyler's father?
"flat out broke" - "flat-out broke"
"I work at least at the gas station" - commas before and after "at least"
Try putting the dialogue tags in the middle of some of the longer bits instead of at the end, and see if breaking up the speech makes it flow better.
"haul you’re lazy" - "your"
"hoping she was ok" - "OK" or "okay"
dashes, not parentheses, around "I could see it from my crib"
"call out to her in his bed"- "from his bed"
"his big boy bed" - "big-boy" - That expression adds realism to the depiction of Sky as a toddler.
"You been awake too" - comma after "awake"
"see me, I answered" - comma after "answered"
"She quietly said" - "she"
"I can’t open it. The lock is on your side, Dad" - And yet, I'm sure Charlie thinks it's Sky's fault that the door is locked...
"Wait-Dad" - comma, not hyphen
"Yes.” I murmured" - comma, not period, after "Yes"
"winding dusty road" - comma after "winding"
"take Daniel and I" - "Daniel and me" (The way you figure out if it's "and I" or "and me" is whether you'd say "I" or "me" if the other person wasn't involved. Does that make sense?)
"peanut-butter" - no hyphen
Overall, good characterization, especially of the father. Sky himself seems a bit vague at times, not quite a nonentity but very quiet, even in his own head. That makes sense, though - this is a kid who has learned that drawing attention in any way is a sure way to get hit by his father or his brother or both.
The dialogue is good, too. Totally believable. (I live in Kentucky - trust me, I'm an unwilling expert on "redneck" speech patterns.) I think you made it clear just how unpleasant the father is without it crossing the line into caricature or parody.


Posted 13 Years Ago


7 of 7 people found this review constructive.

This is an amazing story. I love it completely! You have given amazing details! Keep writing!

Posted 13 Years Ago


0 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 25, 2010
Last Updated on November 25, 2010


Author

SilentSKY
SilentSKY

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About
I love to write. It is a passion, and that is all I do. Write. I have been writing since I was very young, making up little stories and writing them out. I have been accepted to Author's Faires, and I.. more..

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A Chapter by SilentSKY