The Girl from the Gap

The poet warns the readers against this heinous phantom.

She stares

from the hellish dark

beneath the chair

longing to

tear apart

whosoever stare.

Beware!

She's there

looking through

black edge

like a lurid lion

she waits for you.

Don't cast your eye

upon her

O my friend!

Unless you desire

to taste the

hotness of the hellish land.

Reviews

[JayG]

I think there's a lot of story here that never made it to the page. And because the part that didn't is in your head it makes perfect sense as you read. But that, and your intent, never make it to the page, and the reader, unlike you, must make do with what the words suggest to them, based on their background, not yours. So from a reader's viewpoint there are addressable issues:

• She stares from the hellish dark

She? Any particular she? She must be pretty small to fit beneath a chair that has a cover making it dark there.

And: why is the darkness under this unknown chair "hellish while the rest of the place isn't?" If I don't know that how can I even guess at WHY she's staring, and at what?

• longing for tear apart whosoever stare.

Honestly, no matter how I parse this it makes no sense. Especially, given that the "she" you're talking about is the one staring. I'd suggest taking more time to edit before releasing your words into the wild, and editing from the viewpoint of a reader who knows only what the words suggest to them.

Sorry.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Raj Sahu]

For chair, the Girl from the Gap lives under furniture, bed or gaps. I wrote chair because while composing it in a dreadful night a scarlet chair was before me and underneath it was a horrible darkness.

[Raj Sahu]

I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom. So, it is just obvious after reading that an apparition is staring at you.

[JayG]

•"I wrote in the short description above that author warns the readers against the heinous phantom.

I have not a clue of what is meant by "heinous phantom." Irt's too general; a term. Phantom says ghostly. But there are as many kinds of ghosts as there are storytellers, and evil comes in many flavors.

But that aside, the writing has to stand on its own, and provide its own context, because the reader had no clue of what it means to you, or what your intent for their understanding is. Nor do they care. It's your words, their understanding, and that's it. You're not there to explain and they may or may not read that tiny disclaimer at the top—and shouldn't have to.

Problem is the reader has only what the words suggest based only on THEIR background and understanding. And, that reader is probably from a different area, age group, and even gender, all of which influence their understanding. So unless you provide guidance in the form of context meaningful to them they're lost. In writing, you cannot say, "You know what I mean, because they probably won't.

[Crazy Robot]

horror..er...spooky..save me...er

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Lara Crimson]

"Beware!
She's there
looking through
black edge
like a lurid lion
she waits for you."

I came across this character from your work now and found it quite spooky!!!
The rhymes 'chair'; 'stare'; 'beware'; 'there' are really musical when read with a proper intonation. The description you gave here is also enough to set up a terrified image of this apparition in someone's mind. I quite enjoyed this work. This is first horror poetry I have read on this site and I am fully agreed that it is one of the best I read till now. Looking for more of your works.

[Raj Sahu]

You are a good reader and analyser. I love how deep you study my poems. Thanks a lot.

[barleygirl]

Oh darn! I've been discovered! *wink! wink!* This is a very fun & spooky message. You are very imaginative in the things you choose to write about & the different styles you use to write. Even tho this seems to sound like a dangerous situation, I'm also getting the fun tongue-in-cheek idea that you might be describing someone's cute kitty cat about to pounce on a random wiggling toe -- yet another example of how creative your thinking can be (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Raj Sahu]

I am glad to see you reviewing my work again. Thank you so much for your praises. (((HUGS)))

[barleygirl]

I just re-read your poem about the circus animals, which I enjoy very much. I can't even remember why I didn't want to be friends with you. Something must've happened, but I've forgotten it now! I'm glad you kept knocking on my door becuz I really like your writing *smile*

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you and I am hearty regretful if any of my actions ever hurt you. Pardon me!

[Elli]

It's interesting though a little more context would have been nice.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Breadwinner]

I find the legend quite interesting and your words, or should I say horrified words made it alive...I should give you nice rating for such a horrid work...(Now I fear how I gonna sleep tonight! Hahaha)

[Raj Sahu]

I am sorry that I snatched your sweet sleep from you.
Thanks a lot for such rating.

[PoeticBlindness]

A chilling horror work indeed. I fear that the girl is just staring at me. Looking for more of your excellent works.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you! I'll pray that it will not harm you. Haha!

[Alfred Kukitz]

Thanks Raj for the head's up but in years earlier I fell into that trap.

regards,
al

[Raj Sahu]

Oh! Thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words. You gave life to the photo with the proper description. Thank you Raj for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Raj Sahu]

You always inspire me dear Coyote! Thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this one. A poem with some mystery and you are welcome.

[Anjali]

Creepy... But it still seemed so profound and you made me feel the chill while reading it. Very nice.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Anjali]

you're welcome!

[Anjali]

That was one hell of a Horror poem I've read. Good work Raj.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!

[Vic Hundahl]

I liked the poem as a starter, would like to see the character developed more, why should I fear her. Why am I there. Nice job though.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you!