Ode to Both My Mothers

A devoted work to my beloved mother and my teacher to whom I considered no less than a mother.

My mind muddl'd among various things, 

But ne'er had I sunk into oblivion. 

Thy puissant presence stand firm among beings 

Thou art this passing world's champion. 

What laud shall I offer to thee, 

For thy toils, worries, and emotions? 

And lo! the haggard visage of my goddess, 

I wonder, if any creature on land or sea, 

Can ever and ever grok my notions? 

I aver that thy love is eternally ageless.

 

Thy shadow o'er me is the apricity, 

Thine affection flows like a deluge, 

No writ can ever define the affinity, 

Of our relation tough and huge. 

How in heaven's name do I forget, 

Thy soft reprimands for my sake, 

Eftsoons why thee regret in thy sombre core, 

Even thy essence rises from the sweat, 

Corrected me on my every mistake, 

For which I bow before thee and adore.

'Tis thy glory of which everyone sings,

The melodious lyrics of song flows,

What immense joy the song brings,

Soothe my heart during my woes.

O, winsome lady! thy place so high,

Thy position surpass the heights of welkin,

Men of ground venerate thee on bent knees,

Bairns of ground find no other to rely,

Filled with, therefore, thy praise herein,

And smeared over land by each cardinal breeze.

Thou hast drilled a niche in my heart,

To make a space for thee to dwell,

Live in this abode, but ne'er depart,

Ne'er ever I can bid thee farewell.

Adieu! Adieu! I should verily stop there,

Tomes are least before thy eulogies,

As no creature is equipollent to mother,

Not in truth or in sweven, can anyone bear,

The seclusion from thee. All ideologies

says 'Here is the mother, whenas come another?'

Author's Note

Please correct my grammar here as it is my first writing in an archaic style.

Reviews

[Lara Crimson]

"Thou hast drilled a niche in my heart,
To make a space for thee to dwell,
Live in this abode, but ne'er depart,
Ne'er ever I can bid thee farewell."

As you stated, MOM is really WOW. I too remember how my mother scolds gently to me for my mistakes. It draws a sketch of my mother before me.
Now, about your work, The concept of ode i very successful here. You wrote it in the most usual style with a rhyming scheme ABABCDECDE. The archaism leaves a charming effects over the poem. Thank you for sharing such a marvellous work. Keep writing.

[Raj Sahu]

I'm glad with your review. Thanks a lot.

[Locke Redwyne (night sy..]

The last green line could be improved if it read: "I aver that thy love is eternally ageless"
The yellow line "Even thee essences rises from the sweat" would read better as "Even thy essences rises from the sweat"
In one of the blue lines "O, winsome lady! thy place so high" would be better, dost is a form of do
Also, the line: "men of ground venerate thee on bending knees" would be better as "men of ground venerate thee on bent knees"
And be sure to only eliminate syllables through apostrophes (ex: ne'er) when you need it to fit the rhyme scheme
But the content of the poem is very good

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you for such a constructive review.

[ScaredSilent]

This is so rhythmic and beautiful and very soothing read thank you.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you dear.

[drcornelius]

I admire your skill in crafting this in its present form. Not my "cup of tea" but impressive nonetheless. I would love to see the same thoughts and feelings expressed, side by side, in rap form. I honor you for mastering multiple languages.

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks from the depth of my heart.

[barleygirl]

For starters, the title would sound better if you swapped 2 words:
“Ode to Both My Mothers” . . .
I’m not a big fan of Shakespearean dialect, but you’ve done a good job of it here. I especially love the stanza in yellow, becuz of your many sophisticated word choices well crafted. I honestly do not get a strong sense of FEELING when I read this type of writing becuz it feels more lofty & cerebral – I’m thinking more than feeling, as I read. But I applaud all writers who experiment with different styles becuz this is what makes us stronger writers. I hope you won’t take this as a demeaning comment, but I’m thinking English is not your first language, which makes the smoothness of this piece all the more impressive. I admire your command of more than one language! I think it’s cool that you admire your teacher this way – you will go far in life! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Raj Sahu]

Thanks a lot for such a descriptive review. Yes, English is not my first language but Hindi is. Thank you again.

[Wild Rose]

Grammar is OK for me

Think this is a great tribute to all mothers

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you.

[Kleptomaniac]

Beautiful poem for Mom! I too wish I can write like you.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you. You too can.

[Crazy Robot]

ode to mother...er..amazing work...love it..nice

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you.

[Breadwinner]

After reading your work I too feel that No one can replace a Mother...It is a beautiful write...I love it...Thank you for sharing...Lovely.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you very much.

[PoeticBlindness]

The rhythm and rhymes are really amazing in the ode you wrote. It is really a wonderful tribute to a mother on this Mother's Day. I like the work. Keep writing.

[Raj Sahu]

Thank you so much.