Dire straits...!

sleep till I fight enough to earn you,

so you could wake up only in my arms...

sleep till I silent the voices which belied us,

and only let my whisper disturb your calm...

sleep till this distance plays no part,

and you only feel my touch so warm...

sleep till these strings vanish,

and I could give up myself to your charm...

sleep till there is noone left to notice the pain,

and I could cry out loud, for your name..

sleep till I embrace you, make you mine,

and we shall never wake up again...!!

Author's Note

is the length too short ?
one para out weighs the other ?
your first impressions ?

Reviews

[Aaron]

Good first impression.

I think it could be helped with either a little more length or a little more polishing.

I really liked "sleep till I embrace you, make you mine,
and we shall never wake up again...!!"

Thanks for sharing.

[Prateek]

Thanks a lot Aaron.. :) WIll work on it for sure.. :)

[Circe]

felt like a sweet lullaby to me, I'm not sure about the title with the exclamation mark, when the poem itself relaxed me and read like a tender pledge of love.. the paragraphs each held their weight and the message was well expressed.

[Prateek]

thanks Circe :)
I tend to add exclamation marks..i just noticed that i added them to my every writing's title.. may be not the wisest of the use..but thanks to point out..

[Bill]

Being new to the site, I dropped by here to return the favor of you dropping by my page. Here's my two cents: I loved seeing the exclamation points when I saw the list of your poems. You already know that I'm a rather quirky poet, so it should be no surprise that I immediately appreciated that quirk of yours. I assumed it was sort of like your "signature." Own it!

[Prateek]

yep will surely do !! ... glad you pointed out..! :)

[J. Viands]

A poem is never too long or to short I think. I liked it reminded me of some of my stuff well done

[Prateek]

Thanks..its one of the first things i wrote..feels great.. :)

[Marie]

No, it's the right length. No one paragraph outweighs the other.

Don't say "sleep till I silence..." It's "sleep till I silence..."

[Prateek]

Thanks.. Yes..I will make a note of it from now..silence/silent are frequently used words of mine. :)