The Island Hoppers

A quest for a dream and the finding of, instead, a needed friendship.

If you were so inclined and wanted to find a curious place indeed. Just find a scuttleboat and skid your way thirty miles west across the sea. There you’ll find, off the coast of Mayneline, a crop of mountains in a ring. These are the Cyclopean Islands, where the Dogfish bark and the Mermen sing. Some of the islands have life but are mostly crude. Some of the life live in the company of others. Some live in solitude. So, read on, Reader, if you’d like to know a story about a little man, some birds, some crabs and some fruit folklore.

Meet Baub.

Baub was born on one of the little islands and had lived there his whole life. Baub was a lonely rock farmer and short for a cyclops but Baub was a dreamer and a man of vision, which was odd since he only had one eye.

Being a rock farmer meant that Baub could sleep-in every morning and his Mondays were always open. One such Monday, after breaking up the breakfast dishes, Baub sat on his favorite Wooley bush, sipped his cush cush tea and looked out across the green choppy sea at his neighboring island. It was one of the inaccessible islands and one that his grandmother had told stories about when he was just a wink.

She often kept his attention with a lumpy stick or stories about flying frogmen, fields of biting daisies or his favorite story, the one about the only tree in all the islands. It was a Ham Fruit tree and it grew on that particular island. His grandmother said the tree was tall and loaded with fruit but no one could ever get to it because the cliffs around the island were too steep. Baub asked his grandmother what the Ham fruit tasted like. She said they tasted blue and then smacked him on the head with her lumpy stick.

Today the little cyclops put his teacup down and sat up a bit straighter. Baub then pulled a spyglass from his sock and an oversized soft brown eye blinked from the large end. Baub aimed his spyglass across the water and at the island’s plateau where he thought he saw a tree waving in the breeze. The little cyclops had convinced himself it was the rare Ham Fruit tree but couldn’t find it again.

That night Baub dreamed about the blue tasting fruit and when he awoke the next morning he started making plans.

Baub paddled his large greenbooh raft over to the island the following Monday. He had put on his best rock climbing shoes and loaded the raft with a hundred lengths of his best shoop weed rope.

His approach was from the south side of the island and when Baub reached the tide pool he tied the raft to a hook rock and, after slinging the rope over one shoulder, he started his ascent.

Baub couldn’t have picked a better day. The sun was bright, the clouds were puffy, the sea was fishy and the Gooney birds were hoppy.

There are a few things you should know about the Gooney bird. It's a species of bird that cannot fly, although it can glide for short distances. Mostly it just hops to get from there to here or any other place it wants to go. The Gooney bird is also a very social bird with a large vocabulary, if anybody wanted to take the time to learn Squawk. Another interesting trait is the rapid nodding and hopping in place when the Gooney bird is pleased. Also, Gooney birds taste like chicken.

At that moment though, Baub wasn’t at all interested in the current mood of the feathered populace surrounding him. His rock shoes were crumbling and he was fifty lengths above the sea. Baub’s right foot slid off its decaying ledge and dangled out over the green frothy waves. As he struggled to get another bite into the brittle wall a Gooney bird landed not so gently on his head. This did not make Baub happy at all but apparently it made the Gooney bird very pleased and so it began hopping up and down on his head. Baub swiftly reached for the Gooney bird with both hands, giving up his grip on the cliff face. He only grabbed air.

Moments later, looking up through the tide pool, weighted down by his rock shoes, Baub watched as a throttle of Gooney birds hopped up and down on the rocky outcroppings surrounding the tide pool. The little cyclops felt defeated.

A clamp then bit Baub’s toe.

The following Monday, Baub paddled his raft towards the island once again. This time he left his rock shoes at home. Baub had a new plan.

His paddle bit into the green sea under a baby blue sky with fair winds blowing through his eyebrow and over his new Pokeypine helmet. Baub thought he caught sight of the Ham Fruit tree swaying far off on the island again.

He smiled and paddled faster.

At around snack time Baub reached the island and tied off his raft. He looked around the cliffs and didn’t see any of those darn Gooney birds. With a self approving smile on his face, Baub reached into a big kelp basket and pulled out two gray Suckerpuss fish and strapped them to his feet.

Suckerpuss fish, in general, are very strong and they really didn’t mind the fresh air for a change.

Baub then grabbed two more for his hands and started heading up the great cliff face again.

Everything was going so well. He made it about ten lengths higher than last time when he noticed the Gooney birds on a ledge right above him. They just stared down at him and nodded to one another as if in confirmation to the current situation. Baub was annoyed but continued to climb, that is, until the Suckerpuss fishes in his hands noticed the Gooney birds above them. Baub realized his mistake too late. He had apparently grabbed two females for his hands and they started to argue. Things just got worse after the Gooney birds started hopping. The girls let go of the wall to slap each other each eight times.

Baub entered the tide pool Pokeypine helmet first.

The following Monday, after seeing the tree once again, Baub brought his trained Big Headed Woolly Rockhopper to the island. Things seemed to be looking up for the little cyclops until the lop ended beast was scared stiff by a Purple Horn-Tailed Butterfly landing on its nose.

The Gooney birds, nodding and hopping up and down on the rocks around the two, cast shadows across Baub’s face as he laid half on and half off his raft, his Big Headed Woolly RockHopper floating tail up beside him.

By the following Monday, Baub decided to give the island one last chance. He came up with his best idea yet. He was going to build a Blow Crab balloon.

The little cyclops spent his breakfast time loading all the ropes ,baskets of Blow Crabs and balloon canvas.

Baub wiped his eyebrow and pushed off early.

Just before he got within squirrel chucking distance of the island, a great wind caught his piled balloon canvas and ruined his plans. Baub grabbed the balloon before it was too late but now the wind was taking him around to the north side of the little island. Baub was heartbroken as he saw his last chance to taste the Ham Fruit slip past him.

Meanwhile, the Gooney birds were also disappointed. They had been looking for the funny little one eyed man all morning. The little birds had hoped he’d come back. They had been so lonely ever since the four eyed people had left the island when the fruit trees died.

Some time had gone by and the little cyclops was tired from fighting the wind and so crawled into his unrealized balloon and fell fast asleep.

When Baub awoke a few hours later, his boggled eye stared at a stony edifice he had landed on, not quite comprehending the sight. He rubbed his eye and refocused on what was obviously a staircase carved into the cliff face.

The little cyclops was sore and out of breath as he took the last ten steps at a run. When he had crested the last one he was at first excited but then confused. Baub saw his tree or what looked like a tree from far, far away but he thought it must be dead or out of season since he couldn’t see branches, much less any fruit. The little cyclops walked toward the tree for a long time. He watched as it swayed in the wind and thought how odd trees must be, since he’d never actually seen one. When Baub had gotten close enough to see it clearly, he was sure his tired brain was playing tricks on him.

“That’s not right.” he said out loud to nobody, and shook his head.

Feeling dejected, the little cyclops turned around and headed back to his raft.

The Gooney birds were feeling sad as well. They had waited all day for their new friend but there had been no sign of the little one-eyed man.

Standing on each other's shoulders, they made an odd picture. The silly birds were stacked sixty lengths high so that they could see farther away. This crazy tower of petrels swayed with the wind and fought to stay up just a bit longer so they wouldn’t miss him.

When they could no longer take it, the Gooney birds settled back on the ground. Just then, one of the silly birds started hopping up and down, then another, then another and then the whole throttle began bobbing their heads excitedly at the same time.

When Baub reached his raft it was covered with excited Gooney birds.

The following Monday, after breakfast, Baub sat on his favorite Wooley bush drinking his cush cush tea and picking his teeth with a Gooney bird feather. Spitting a bit of gristle out, and bouncing it off the purple shell of a cantankerous clamp giving him the stinky eye, Baub smiled at the closest Gooney bird to him and recalled his tasty breakfast. The little cyclops decided he'd have that again for dinner.

The whole throttle of Gooney birds sat on the rocks surrounding their new friend. They watched him pick his teeth. They watched him sip his tea. They watched him pick his toe and scratch his hairy hiney. They watched every move he made. Then, almost simultaneously, they began to hop up and down in approval.

Baub, the no longer lonely cyclopic rock farmer, put his teacup down and picked up his fishing pole. He was expecting many feathered friends over tonight for a Dog fish dinner.