Lobster Feast

There's Sea food, there's butter, there's lemon and there's a surprise.

The sign inside the door read “All You Can Eat Lobster Feast.

“Name on the reservation?” the maitre d’ of Neptune’s Table asked.

“Decapoda.” he said and smiled at his wife. She was so excited and he was glad he could treat her tonight. It had been awhile and she deserved it.

“We would like the “All You can Eat Lobster Feast.” she blurted out.

“Delightful, Madame. But you’ll have to tell your waiter after you’ve been seated.”

“Can we sit by the tank?” she said with a shrill upward inflection.

“I’m sure we can find a table in a close proximity to the Live tank for Sir and Madame.” the maitre d’ answered.

A moment later the two were escorted to their table and were seated only yards away from the tank.

“And can I start Sir and Madame off with appetizers this evening?” the waiter asked.

“No. I think we’ve decided on…” he was saying

“All You Can Eat Lobster Feast with extra extra butter, sliced lemons and fresh cracked pepper and hot sauce, please!” she burst out, finishing his sentence for him. Her husband just smiled at her. She was as excited as a child and he loved seeing her this way.

“Very good, Madame. Would Madame like to step over to the tank and make her choices?”

“Oh, would I.” she said, moving her chair out before the waiter could help her.

She returned a few minutes later with a huge smile.

“I chose some beauties, Honey Bunch.” she said, pulling her chair in.

Her husband chuckled and said

“I sure hope your eyes aren’t bigger than our stomachs, Buttercup.”

They both shared a chuckle at that. Only moments went by when the wait staff started bringing little silver bowls of clarified butter, lemons, hot sauce and a pepper mill.

“Did you know…” she said, leaning towards him a bit.

“The sound you hear after dropping them in the boiling water is their screams?”  she continued, bugging her eyes out.

“Ha Ha Ha!” her husband laughed out loud.

“The things you come up with.” he continued and then laughed again.

“No, really!” she said, trying her best to keep a straight face. Her husband's laughter was so contagious.

“Poochie Face, that’s just an old wives tale. That sound is actually air escaping their bodies.” he said, grinning at his beautiful child-like wife.

“It’s been scientifically proven, Schnookums.” he said.

“Well…. I think I’d like very much to hear it myself." she said and then faked a pout.

“Anyway, I heard they turn red when they’re dropped in the hot water.”

“So..” changing the subject a bit “Do you remember what to do when the bring them? How we prepare them to eat, Choochie?”

“Yes I do.” she said, and then began to pantomime as she demonstrated.

“First, we turn them over on their back and tear their legs off.” she said

“Ha Ha Ha! No!” he said.

“Well…” she said in a coy way, “I know it’s not necessary but it’s fun.”

“Okay, okay. Continue.” he said

“Then you separate the head from the body and suck all the neck jelly out.” she said giddily.

Her husband looked down and shook his head. With an exasperated grin he said

“Where do you learn these things? Gross!”

“And then..” she continued dramatically “You take these scissors (she held them up in front of her face) and cut down the middle of the back, exposing all that beautiful meat.

Just then, she noticed the kitchen door swing open and their waiter pushing a cart their way.

“Oh Darling, I do hope you like my choices.” she said, and indicated that their food was on its way.

The waiter rolled his cart up beside the condiment laden table and lifted the the ornate silver dome covering their rich dinner and smiled pleasantly as the Lobster couple looked on the large catch of freshly boiled humans. They snapped their claws and flipped their tales rapidly together in excitement. It truly was a Lobster’s Feast.