Someday You'll Walk Through Walls

Someday You'll Walk Through Walls

A Story by nesuispas
"

Someday you'll walk through walls and stare peril in the face, its breath of flame licking your heart. A real transcript of my depressed best friend and I's conversation. I aim to inspire.

"
Her: Recently my feelings have always been either whatever idk or me freaking out like ahhhh what shall I do
Her: Or just idk
Me: hmmm calm down maybe
Her: No I'm really calm
Me: u stress out over minor things
Her: Ik
Me: so whenever you feel AHHHHHHHHHH, just think objectively - will this or will this not affect the day I die?
Me: or the rest of my life?
Her: It always will
Her: And so I feel so.... U know bc every time I'm around [my crush] all I say is wow in a really exaggerated tone
Me: no it wont
Her: Well depends
Me: tell me something bad that happened and I''ll rate it on the scale
Her: Umm I say wow in a really exaggerated tone to mine every time he does something
Me: 10 being AFFECT FREAK OUT IMMEDIATELY and 1 being chillllllll
Her: People hate me
Me: first one's a two
Her: I'm a mess
Me: that one is DEFINITELY a 1, the people hate me, bc I don't hate you
Her: My life is just.... Idk how to even explain it
Her: Ik bc ur nice and a great friend but others aren't
Me: otherwise your just saying that my opinion doesn't matter
Me: your life will get better - 3
Her: No it does to me so much
Me: and you're not a mess but 5
Her: See I'm already on a 5
Me: CAN I TELL YOU A STORY
Her: YES
Me: this is from a book That I hate but it makes a lot of sense
Me: so there was a boy and a girl
Her: Okay
Me: the boy was dying and they were in love
Her: Mmmhmmm
Me: but the boy, you see, wanted to be a hero. He wanted to save the world and touch hearts
Her: Okay
Me: but the girl was a much simpler person than that
Me: she just wanted to love him
Her: So opposites
Me: and she told him so
Me: she told him that he had already touched her heart and that should have been enough
Me: It wasn't enough for him
Her: Wasn't enough for her??
Me: no for him
Me: he wanted the whole world and all he had was her
Me: he wasn't satisfied with that
Her: Ohh okay
Her: Wow I would've been satisfied u got to have a simple life if u want to enjoy it
Me: and when he died
Her: Yeah.....
Me: she was all alone, with only a touched heart
Me: and she reached out to the world and touched more hearts
Her: That's cute well not the alone part
Me: so his dream would come true
Me: even if he wasn't around to see it
Her: That's so nice of her I probably would've done that to like fulfill [my crush's] dreams but idk if I'd accomplish it
Her: Bc I basically fail a lot
Me: the thing is annie
Me: even if you don't accomplish it
Her: Yes....
Me: someone else is always around to finish the job for you
Her: I want to finish it
Me: and do you want to know why
Her: No let me finish the sentence
Me: because they love you
Her: Yup
Her: But let me finish the sentence
Me: okay do it
Her: Even if I don't accomplish it nothing will ever change [my crush] will never like me and everything will be the way it is now or worse
Me: ??????
Me: HOW DID YOU GET THAT
Her: Get what???
Her: My conclusion
Me: anyway that was inspired by the fault in our stars, and the real scene was that she was disappointed that she couldn't have been his world
Me: and yeah ur conclusion is bull farts
Me: THE POINT IS THAT APPRECIATE WHAT U HAVE AND WHO LOVES YOU
Me: AND EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Her: Nope it's the truth based on the realistic life I have and a heart that had been through way too many painful eras
Me: You've only lived one decade
Me: 13 winters
Me: this is not the end
Her: "The point is appreciate what I have and who loves me" I never did that how I got myself into this rn
Me: this is the beginning
Me: chances are you will live 9 maybe ten more decades
Her: And my heart had already gone through so many idk Kaelyn idk
Her: No about 8 the best 9
Me: and yet you survived
Her: I did but not my heart
Me: you cannot live without your heart
Me: and you're still standing
Me: not walking, but standing
Her: Emotionally u can
Her: I'm sitting
Me: your standing
Me: and someday you will walk through walls
Me: [your crush] should not be the defining factor in your life
Me: have some fun
Me: live
Me: be 13 and laugh and smile and never hold back
Her: Idk maybe
Her: But Kaelyn but
Her: Wait for it
Her: "The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling."
Her: See
Me: than have someone to make you smile
Me: have something that makes you happy enough not to force it
Me: not someone - something
Me: ...never put all your faith into someone else
Her: I can't it's not my personality
Me: you don't know what your personality is until you challenge it to show itself
Me: throw yourself into something, you don't even have to be good at it
Me: art, poetry, dance, song
Her: Idk my life is just..... Idk
Me: or even science, math
Her: one day we'll both look back and I'd be like thank u Kaelyn for getting me out of depression
Me: your life is idk because you're letting it be idk
Me: and I'll be like thank you annie for getting it out of my the first time
Her: Idk what else to let it be bc I'm not feeling anything else
Me: i'm just sharing the knowledge you and the world inadvertently gave me
Me: push your life around
Her: Nice see u learn something new everyday
Me: don't let it push YOU around
Her: Idk how tho that's the problem
Me: take a stand against the wind
Me: do what YOU want
Her: How???
Me: not what valerie wants or april wants or whatever
Me: just you
Her: I can't there's always rules and others u have to think about
Me: others don't think about you
Me: why should you think about them when all you want to do is live
Me: rules are like walls and you can walk through them
Me: push yourself
Me: be the pusher not the pushee
Her: Idk I don't think I'm up for it maybe....
Her: My life was just meant to be this way
Me: thinking like that causes depression, did you know that??
Me: depression is believing you are inherently worthless
Her: Ik
Me: you are as up for it as the sun in space always there but not always seen
Her: But sometimes when I'm sad I just think to myself this way
Her: He he
Me: and your life is not meant to be any way
Her: Idk I'll probably get over this by tomorrow
Her: Let's talk about a happier topic
Me: and then it will be right back where it was the next day, or the next day, or whenever
Me: ugh alright
Her: maybe not u never know
Me: maybe if you don't wait around for it to pick up rather than pick it up yourself
Her: Maybe I'll try
Me: you never need help you just need strength
Me: and alright now i'm done unlocking your strength
Her: Which I don't have at all whether it's physical emotional social or spiritual
Her: Wait what??
Me: It's always there
Me: the strength
Her: Like the sun
Me: always waiting never found, yeah like the sun

© 2014 nesuispas


Author's Note

nesuispas
The names are changed for the protection of those involved.

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Added on November 23, 2014
Last Updated on November 23, 2014
Tags: true story, real, transcript, depression, inspiration

Author

nesuispas
nesuispas

Kingston, Saint Andrew, Jamaica



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