Castle of Dirt, and Other Related Musings

Castle of Dirt, and Other Related Musings

A Poem by Theo

Included with this limited book offer are the additional poems "Sickly Foods" , "Scattered Speech" , "Time Stop" , and "Mind Control"

I feel my worries stirring in my chest, as if there were some baker too eager to give rise to my fears
-A dutiful pouring of syrupy guilt is added there- to enhance the flavor of the peppered doubt;
This glaze only trickles down upon the thick, chewy dough of anxiety, made from the whole grain of failed efforts.
MY best is better, and always better done than not. But my bettering is not enough for me to tie the knot, no- not nearly enough. Those who have met and talked with my mind know my teeth to chatter at a pace that varies much; for when I speak I tell my good and bad, and my badly need for good- for my lips beat around the bush, slowly breathing but my veins throbbing.
I am alive and I know I am so for feeling my heartbeat come and go- wherefore doth it go, to leave me alone with myself?
I take a pause.

When did I stop thinking? An eternity has passed, without even blinking. My mind was working... I think, I could hear something whirring.
I could feel some kind of breeze from there, some clockwork had been stirring.
MY muscles ache, every fiber feels tense- perhaps I am made of string, with the lonely puppeteer in the back of my head.
Back! Back! My mind is pulled! For more than a moment, mine eyes are wool'd!
Fie, fie, I beg of ye, go hence! Away from this place, my burden is death!
Blind am I, for mine eyes have leaded; These steel shutters have closed, but my tomb is yet unwedded.
So thus I lay; this is my self-made grave.
I was born with a shovel, so I decided to dig. Towards the earth I went, always in focus. Deeper and deeper I explored, each inch of dirt its own wonder. Behind me I saw my feat: a mountain of dirt. Onto it I went, each footstep falling deeper; this dirt was unlike the dirt before: much lighter, much steeper. 
I grabbed on with my hands to this challenge I had made; dirt grabbed on to me, and held on inside my lungs. 
I moulded my world around me- for sure, this would be my crowning feat- this would be my castle of dirt, made from what had lain at my feet.

© 2018 Theo

Author's Note

A bit of a weird path in this one, I think. Sort of shows my mindset's phases as I thought more and started to feel a bit better.

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Added on November 8, 2018
Last Updated on November 8, 2018
Tags: mental illness, anxiety, confusion, doubt, guilt, collection




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