Castle of Dirt, and Other Related Musings

Castle of Dirt, and Other Related Musings

A Poem by Theo
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Included with this limited book offer are the additional poems "Sickly Foods" , "Scattered Speech" , "Time Stop" , and "Mind Control"

"
I feel my worries stirring in my chest, as if there were some baker too eager to give rise to my fears
-A dutiful pouring of syrupy guilt is added there- to enhance the flavor of the peppered doubt;
This glaze only trickles down upon the thick, chewy dough of anxiety, made from the whole grain of failed efforts.
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MY best is better, and always better done than not. But my bettering is not enough for me to tie the knot, no- not nearly enough. Those who have met and talked with my mind know my teeth to chatter at a pace that varies much; for when I speak I tell my good and bad, and my badly need for good- for my lips beat around the bush, slowly breathing but my veins throbbing.
 
I am alive and I know I am so for feeling my heartbeat come and go- wherefore doth it go, to leave me alone with myself?
------
I take a pause.

When did I stop thinking? An eternity has passed, without even blinking. My mind was working... I think, I could hear something whirring.
I could feel some kind of breeze from there, some clockwork had been stirring.
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MY muscles ache, every fiber feels tense- perhaps I am made of string, with the lonely puppeteer in the back of my head.
Back! Back! My mind is pulled! For more than a moment, mine eyes are wool'd!
Fie, fie, I beg of ye, go hence! Away from this place, my burden is death!
Blind am I, for mine eyes have leaded; These steel shutters have closed, but my tomb is yet unwedded.
So thus I lay; this is my self-made grave.
-------
I was born with a shovel, so I decided to dig. Towards the earth I went, always in focus. Deeper and deeper I explored, each inch of dirt its own wonder. Behind me I saw my feat: a mountain of dirt. Onto it I went, each footstep falling deeper; this dirt was unlike the dirt before: much lighter, much steeper. 
I grabbed on with my hands to this challenge I had made; dirt grabbed on to me, and held on inside my lungs. 
I moulded my world around me- for sure, this would be my crowning feat- this would be my castle of dirt, made from what had lain at my feet.

© 2018 Theo


Author's Note

Theo
A bit of a weird path in this one, I think. Sort of shows my mindset's phases as I thought more and started to feel a bit better.

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Added on November 8, 2018
Last Updated on November 8, 2018
Tags: mental illness, anxiety, confusion, doubt, guilt, collection

Author

Theo
Theo

IL



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