Street Bum Senryu

Street Bum Senryu

A Poem by Rebecca Buller
"

Life is a dead-end street. - H.L. Mencken

"

Facing the gray street,

a bum’s only companion

is a silver flask

© 2013 Rebecca Buller


Author's Note

Rebecca Buller
My very first attempt at a senryu.

My Review

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Featured Review

I'm a huge fan of Senryu and Haiku, so I was excited for this one. Personally, I think this fits the category of Haiku a little more than Senryu because it is pure imagery...you don't make assumptions in the lines as to thoughts, only give us the imagery and allow us to make our own assumptions. Sure, it is a "modern" Haiku, but...just my opinion.

Okay, as for the piece itself, there is quite a quiet brilliance in this. I love the imagery...because so often in this form we are only handed the "pretty" things, and this was a darker more intensely gritty write. I could picture the "bum" on a gray street, on a gray day, sitting alone with his silver flask. Nicely written, especially for your first attempt!

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

7 Years Ago

Haha I can't wait til Rebecca see's this, happy paddling, lucky you! ;-)
Girl Friday (Sarah W.)

7 Years Ago

I will apologize now for hijacking her comment section...lol
Frieda P

7 Years Ago

I'm sure she'll be fine with it............ she's got a sense of humor, she'll just deal with us nut.. read more



Reviews

Nice job with your short form poem, Rebecca. You've said a lot in a very few words and left a lot of room for the reader to dream about.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Rebecca Buller

6 Years Ago

Thank you, Joyce! I'm so glad you enjoyed it:)
One word : awesome...:)....

Posted 7 Years Ago


Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

Aww, thank you so much:-)
Sami Khalil

7 Years Ago

My pleasure...:)
This creative senryu could spawn hundreds of others that involving companions or hopes. It got me thinking about what personified flowers would hope for when faced with doom: Your senryu inspired me to write the following which you may keep as a gift:

Tiny flowers fear
being picked to the extent
of their luscious charms.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing, my friend:-)
Aethereal

7 Years Ago

I'll be looking forward to reading more of your senryu in the future.
Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

I'll pen another one soon, my friend:-)
5-7-5. That's a WC Senryu. Great job Rebecca

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed it:-)
How witty-fitting!!!
Lovely work of the dismal!!!
Pen on!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

I'm glad you enjoyed it, friend:-)
I'm a huge fan of Senryu and Haiku, so I was excited for this one. Personally, I think this fits the category of Haiku a little more than Senryu because it is pure imagery...you don't make assumptions in the lines as to thoughts, only give us the imagery and allow us to make our own assumptions. Sure, it is a "modern" Haiku, but...just my opinion.

Okay, as for the piece itself, there is quite a quiet brilliance in this. I love the imagery...because so often in this form we are only handed the "pretty" things, and this was a darker more intensely gritty write. I could picture the "bum" on a gray street, on a gray day, sitting alone with his silver flask. Nicely written, especially for your first attempt!

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

7 Years Ago

Haha I can't wait til Rebecca see's this, happy paddling, lucky you! ;-)
Girl Friday (Sarah W.)

7 Years Ago

I will apologize now for hijacking her comment section...lol
Frieda P

7 Years Ago

I'm sure she'll be fine with it............ she's got a sense of humor, she'll just deal with us nut.. read more
First attempt, you nailed it, great Senryu too Rebecca! Although sad....

Posted 7 Years Ago


Rebecca Buller

7 Years Ago

Thank you, Frieda! I looked through a lot of examples online & several of them were sad. So I though.. read more

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Added on June 19, 2013
Last Updated on June 19, 2013

Author

Rebecca Buller
Rebecca Buller

Goltry, OK



About
My name is Rebecca Buller and I work for an insurance company in northwest Oklahoma. For me, writing is more than a simple hobby or an escape from the chaos of life. It allows me to dwell within a wor.. more..

Writing

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