Street Bum Senryu

Life is a dead-end street. - H.L. Mencken

Facing the gray street,

a bum’s only companion

is a silver flask

Author's Note

My very first attempt at a senryu.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm a huge fan of Senryu and Haiku, so I was excited for this one. Personally, I think this fits the category of Haiku a little more than Senryu because it is pure imagery...you don't make assumptions in the lines as to thoughts, only give us the imagery and allow us to make our own assumptions. Sure, it is a "modern" Haiku, but...just my opinion.

Okay, as for the piece itself, there is quite a quiet brilliance in this. I love the imagery...because so often in this form we are only handed the "pretty" things, and this was a darker more intensely gritty write. I could picture the "bum" on a gray street, on a gray day, sitting alone with his silver flask. Nicely written, especially for your first attempt!

[Frieda P]

I thought Haiku's had to be about Nature Friday?

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

They don't necessarily "have" to be about nature, but they are most often written about nature. I did a whole course of study on the form, and it is interesting what was "lost in translation" between the original Japanese "rules" for this form and what we now days consider to be the true form. Typically, Haiku are written about more tangible images...nature being the most common. Seynru are written more about feeling and emotion, as well as more global issues, ethics, things like that. This is why if you sent a "Haiku" to ten different journals, some would probably call it a Haiku and some would call it a Senryu. It's usually pretty subjective...but look at me, I have gone on a rant again...haha

[Frieda P]

Haha that'd go under the heading of Senryu, I guess most of mine are about feelings and emotions, thanks for the mini lesson here, rant on. ;-)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Ugh, I don't mean to rant. I hate to sound like a "know it all"...lol But this is actually one of those things that I do know a tiny bit about. Funny, I sent in a whole group of what I called "Senryu" to the Boston Literary Review and 6 of them got published as Haiku, go figure. So, as I said, it's one of those "no one really knows" things.

[Frieda P]

Ha I didn't take it that way, I know some 'know it all's' and you don't fit the bill, chill out, I thought you lived in CA? ;-)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Haha It's still light out, I'll go for a dusk paddle in the waves :)

[Frieda P]

Haha I can't wait til Rebecca see's this, happy paddling, lucky you! ;-)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I will apologize now for hijacking her comment section...lol

[Frieda P]

I'm sure she'll be fine with it............ she's got a sense of humor, she'll just deal with us nutters.

[Joyce S. Greene]

Nice job with your short form poem, Rebecca. You've said a lot in a very few words and left a lot of room for the reader to dream about.

[Rebecca Buller]

Thank you, Joyce! I'm so glad you enjoyed it:)

[Sami Khalil]

One word : awesome...:)....

[Rebecca Buller]

Aww, thank you so much:-)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Aethereal]

This creative senryu could spawn hundreds of others that involving companions or hopes. It got me thinking about what personified flowers would hope for when faced with doom: Your senryu inspired me to write the following which you may keep as a gift:

Tiny flowers fear
being picked to the extent
of their luscious charms.

[Rebecca Buller]

That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing, my friend:-)

[Aethereal]

I'll be looking forward to reading more of your senryu in the future.

[Rebecca Buller]

I'll pen another one soon, my friend:-)

[Baby Ricochet]

5-7-5. That's a WC Senryu. Great job Rebecca

[Rebecca Buller]

I'm glad you enjoyed it:-)

[Souladareatease]

How witty-fitting!!!
Lovely work of the dismal!!!
Pen on!!!

[Rebecca Buller]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, friend:-)

[Frieda P]

First attempt, you nailed it, great Senryu too Rebecca! Although sad....

[Rebecca Buller]

Thank you, Frieda! I looked through a lot of examples online & several of them were sad. So I thought, why not?