Because I smile

Because I smile

A Poem by Rebecca

Because I smile
People look and stare and tell me I am heartless
I sit inside of my own world
I gaze towards a verdant green sky, 
the sun lighting up grass and trees
People look and stare
They don't see the girl I am inside
The silent sky whispers slowly, gently
A sound in my heart
Evaporating, extinguishing red and orange fires,
a ball of green kryptonite
A little kid screaming in the night
Her hair is dark and her eyes are blue-green, glistening 
Her smile is hidden, her tears for joy
Mistaken for sorrow
Her fits of what the hell is happening
It's not rage inside, its feeling awkward,
it's listening, its lost in a fantasy world
It's thinking someone out there might understand
So she watches TV shows about people like her
And she smiles again - Someone sees
The invisible tears as she washes off her make-up,
glitter in her eyes,
shooting for a translucent moon
A silver sliver that she holds deep inside
People misunderstand her
People look and stare
And she walks away, it's okay because you see,
She's okay
She's okay
The freak outs and banging her head, not knowing why
I lived twenty years not knowing who I am
I spent a long time being that silent girl
I'm still that girl
And I will whisper my secrets, and then fly away
I will cry because everything was so real and crazy and yes,
The whole world is crazy and I am so alive and my truths are real
That little girl sits in a classroom and closes her ears and doodles trees and hearts with wings
She sits at the math team tournament
Figuring out problems she was never taught how to solve
And now these problems are not math problem
But it's okay
because she still knows how to smile.

© 2017 Rebecca


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Added on December 13, 2017
Last Updated on December 13, 2017
Tags: autism, aspergers

Author

Rebecca
Rebecca

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strong Christian warrior: poet, prose prophet novelist, dancer, gymnast, figure skater, martial artist. Please don't steal my writing! They are copyrighted Rebecca :) more..

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