Demons Play Games Too

The music - although melodic - is daunting
It plays on an infinite loop
Just loud enough for me to hear
But no one else

It tortures me
While drawing me in for more
All at once
And then not at all

Perhaps it's masochism:
Being nostalgic for a game I used to play
Where cold metal kissed my skin
And life poured out of the lifeless

A persistent battle of tough skin against demon nails
I haven't played in a while
But the war wages on
Waiting for me to join the bloodshed

Reviews

[Lydia Waldock]

I felt this, the demons of within wanting you to harm yourself or others. It has a dark presence from a place that is hidden from others and sometimes from yourself. I love this style of writing and I think you did a fantastic job of writing down whatever the demons want you to do, or when you are feeling dark and lost. I'm always here if you need to talk but in general, this is an amazing poem and I hope you keep it up!!

[Stephanie]

I really appreciate your words, thanks so much!

[Lydia Waldock]

You’re welcome!!

[BBP]

I really relate to this piece. Things you know you shouldn't want to do but you do anyways, cause sometimes it just feels so perfectly wrong.

[Chris]

Tastes of genetic-memory... and "interesting" vision.

[Stephanie]

Haha thank you

[Chris]

chuckling here...paths to follow depending on an author's thoughts.

[Bare trees]

I'm sure demons, persistent and obsessive, whisper old perilous melodies to influence the mind of someone they think they can sway in the wrong direction. Each scar is a permanent and sadistic reminder for those that were persuaded.

Intelligently written.

[Stephanie]

I appreciate that so much! Thank you :)

[Pete]

demons are never pleasant. sounds like cutting or self-harm. very well written with a stark honesty. this really grabbed me and held me for every word. love the imagery and analogies. powerful work ... :)

[Stephanie]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed :)

[Paul Bell]

The Demons move on to people new.
But they still like to visit just in case you change your mind.

[Jade]

Where cold metal kissed my skin
And life poured out of the lifeless

A persistent battle of tough skin against demon nails
I haven't played in a while
But the war wages on
Waiting for me to join the bloodshed

LOVED THIS PART, This is a wonderful write. I really enjoyed this

[Stephanie]

Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it!!

[Wesley Dingler]

Very interesting. Typically, when people write about "demons" it turns me off, because I usually can't tell if they are being literal or figurative. Me, I've fought with both.
Either way it falls for you, this is a wonderful poem.
It was rough, and raw, and had that savage ring to it that I tend to like a lot.

[Stephanie]

Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed

[wordman]

only you can kill the demons within

[Stephanie]

The problem is finding the desire to kill them :)

[wordman]

well that i don`t know,

[emipoemi]

This started out absolutely beautiful and profound - the second stanza simply blew me the frick away. The last two stanzas, though powerful in their own right, (and the last line a killer in its own right), you have some oddities that need tending to:

- "nostalgic FOR" (not "of")
- What are the "lifeless"? I absolutely love that line, but there's no antecedent that would allow readers to fully understand what "the lifeless" refers to. Especially since you say "my skin" in the previous line.
- you don't need to make "demon" genitive. Use it as an adjective. Much more powerful: "demon nails"
- "I haven't played IT in a while" (because you don't have much punctuation, it's hard to follow thought proceses, and to me, the "it" makes it more centred on the reference to the game mentioned in the previous stanza, otherwise you'll need to reword the line a bit so it clearly refers to the battle....for battles are "played" necessarily, they're fought. And I like that this one is played (if that's what you're actually going for), but it's hard to draw the line to it even though it's the next line down, because of the wording of the two lines).
- Much more powerful if you simply say "join the bloodshed" rather than add the "in on".

Other than those critiques, this is absolutely A-MA-ZING!! Well freaking done!!

[Stephanie]

Thanks so much for the feedback!

I made those minor changes you mentioned in your first, third, and fourth point. I had initially written "[...] demon nails" but can't remember why I decided to change it. I do like the new wording better.

The "lifeless" refers to myself. Although physically alive, a person can feel dead inside. I tried to allude to this by referring to blood as "life."

As for the game/battle, they are one in the same to me. My sane side tells me it's a battle to fight the demons, but my masochistic side tells me to play with them.

I'm happy you enjoyed this piece! I consider it special to me.

[emipoemi]

It def is a special piece, and I could feel it too. Regarding "lifeless".....as I said, it's powerful in its own right, but there's no antecedent for readers to go off of in order to understand what it means. By reading "my skin", we're expecting another "my" to come, but when it doesn't, we're left trying to figure out what you're doing, but the breadcrumbs aren't there. The "game/battle" is powerful imagery. My critique refers to the odd progression of the first two lines of Stanza 4. There seems to be something missing in order to make it fully understandable AND grammatically correct - some je-ne-sais-quoi is missing, and so my suggestion was for you to play with it a little and see what you come up with for a fix.

[paul sal.....]

wow! I remember when I was 21 (barely)and the demons that haunted me persistently and invaded my my general desire to be at peace constantly, I can report, over time, their influence greatly diminishes. Something to look forward to,........ this poem is fantastic!

[paul sal.....]

PS the other 54 people who read this and left no comment are lying to themselves, just saying

[Stephanie]

Haha thank you so much! I hope that holds true for me too