O (pt. 2)

When the solitude kicks in, it kicks hard.

It comes as no surprise when I find myself alone

Other than my demon friend, there's no one else home

I've come to notice it's your favorite place to be

Standing to the side with your back facing me

Meanwhile the demon sings her songs into my ears

And you run away, disregarding my fears

I thought you were more observant, sweetheart

How could you not notice me falling apart?

Author's Note

New style for me. Not sure how well it worked. Did some edits.

Reviews

[Chris]

Sharing space behind your eyes... so many live within that concept. And the day and night lives are "drawing".

[Rye]

WOW!! SO nicely written and expressed, enjoyed this piece

[Gee]

For me the last couple of lines missed two or three syllables ( each) up until that point the reading tripped of the tongue sweetly.
Nonetheless enjoyed the read.
Good morning/evening

[Stephanie]

Thanks! I made some minor changes. It sounds a little better to me but something still feels off.

[emipoemi]

I gotta say, the only thing that needs tweaking is a bit of the musicality - but even that is simply minor tweaks that are not particularly dire. Everything else is profound and brilliant, and you should be proud of it. Well done!

[Stephanie]

Thanks for the feedback! Yeah something about the last stanza wasn't sitting right with me but I couldn't figure it out.

[emipoemi]

.....the musicality was actually great with the last stanza. Line 2 seems to be missing a syllable in order to flow better, and I forget where else, but the last stanza sounds pretty smooth to me, and the whole piece is great.

[paul sal.....]

Anytime we look inwards we are subject to facing our demons. There would be no goodness if there were no demons to test our resolve. It helps to keep us together and, I think it worked very well !