What If I Told You..?

I am so scared

it hurts

my bones are scared

my heart 

I am scared he will leave

that I will fall in love

I will keep falling

I will get to a point 

where I cannot even breathe

without him

And he will leave

my oxygen will be gone

I won’t be able to breathe

I won’t be able to 

                                   live

I am healthy 

I am strong

I have worked to get to a point

                  in my life

I have travelled far and wide

I have shed countless tears

I have fallen in love with myself

over and over

I have been alone

incredibly and beautifully alone

I have felt loved

I have felt adored

yet how I feel with you 

how I love

how I crave you

every moment of every day

I cannot imagine a life without you

I am deeply afraid 

I am frightened beyond belief

It has been two months and I know 

who I am

I am a runner

I thought I always would be a runner

I will run

I will leave it all behind

I am scared

I am so desperately scared

I am scared to tell you

I am scared to share my fears

to show you how scared I am

You want someone strong

You want someone whole

and at times

I feel like a million pieces

I am searching for answers

as I stand holding the pieces

together

I reach out

I seek to not fear

to not fear

                                    the intimacy

                                    the trust

to not fear

                                    you 

being who you say you are

being who I believe you to be

to not fear

that when you love me

when you kiss me

when you look at me 

when you touch me

you can see all the 

million pieces

and you can love me even more

I am safe alone

I have conquered being alone

I have conquered being adored

                                   being loved

                 being pursued

                 being desired

I have not conquered 

allowing myself to love 

in a way where my breath

catches

where I am fearful

of being left

I want to be all I need

I have always wanted to just be okay

be content

yet when I think of you

when my heart aches

when we are apart

I know my life will

cease to ever be the 

same, the way it was 

before I fall madly in love

with you

before I committed to be

with you

and you alone

to trust you would be there

in the mornings

to trust you would 

grow with me

to trust you would

love me, love all of me

each piece 

all the million of the pieces of who I am

 

 

Reviews

[The Twin Arenas]

everything falls apart, always. take comfort in that, and run accordingly.