you follow me

I.

You follow me like a lost puppy,
one not exposed to the world
and the ways of the world.
Eyes filled with confusion
and loss like you need me
for some reason I can’t comprehend.
The sad part is that I don’t need you,
nor do I want you
except like a brother,
but you are more like a spy
surrounding me just to know
where I am at every waking hour,
but you don’t own me,
nor do you know me.

The distance between us is almost comedic
and yet when you see me
you pretend as if you get me,
but every piece of me is unknown to you.
I keep myself a little hidden,
a little sheltered because
that’s what turned everybody else off,
but you;
it doesn’t seem to work for you.
I see you following me again,
asking questions.
I hate your questions
because they aren’t sincere,
and I don’t care;
I don’t want to know your life story.

I’m sorry.

Words seem to work against me
like the speed of time and sound.
Before the words even come out,
it’s the words I didn’t mean to say.

How do you steer someone away
without tearing them down?
I don’t like these odds against me;
they are always against me.
In a perfect world
you would be a maybe,
but I’m not perfect.
My thoughts, actions are not perfect.
Even the totality of love
isn’t perfect.
So it’s a no,
maybe a never.
I’ll think about it more
and get back with you.

II.

Right now I have a love
affair with the darkness,
someone I love that doesn’t love me back.
It’s alright if he never comes along.
I’ll think of him often though
when the sun sets to dusk,
when the painted portrait of a closing day
leaves me with longing and remembrance.

Nobody said love would be easy.
Nobody even said he would smile back at me,
with one of those sparks caught in his eye.
But nobody said summer would come
and still feel like winter either.

I remember the first time he spoke to me,
danced and sang for me
but he didn’t know it was for me yet,
and I don’t know why I tell you this,
expecting you to understand.

You’ll say, "Silly girl,
he’s just not that into you."
Blame it on my age,
saying I’m too young to fall in love,
but I won’t believe you.
How could I when your words are full
of bias and heartbreak,
full of burnt coals where the flames used to be,
insincere, yes you are.