Within yourself

Within yourself

A Poem by Rebecca Garber
"

I hope people comprehend this the way I am saying it.

"
When you think of something 
you want to do
Yet you know it is wrong
you do it with a rue

It has some pain 
that no one knows
you won't gain
anything that goes

the act on your arm
you didn't think you did any harm

People now see
You will pay that fee
The remorse the creeps inside of me

Withering away
knowing that I can't stay
Withering away
now forced at bay

© 2016 Rebecca Garber


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Looks like a condition of a leaf drying away in heat. Heat is the condition that has forced the leaf to lose it's green fresh state to a dry state where it is waiting to be crushed.

Good choice of words in your writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I can definitely relate to doing things that are wrong. You've expressed some very real and painful feelings here. One suggestion; "you do it with a rue" doesn't sound right to me. I think the "you do it with rue", leaving out the "a" would make more sense. I think the standard definition of "rue" is to bitterly regret (an action), so the word is right, but to leave "a" in there would essentially say "you do it with a bitterly regret". That's how I'm reading it. As always, you've done very well expressing your pain and giving a voice to the regret of our actions that some of us would prefer to keep a secret.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This may not be what you intended, but I interpreted this as a character speaking of self-harm. The line "the act on your arm" kinda hints at that...

Anyways, I liked how this piece refers to something specific, yet can be applied to virtually any difficult situation. Whenever someone does something that he or she acknowledges as wrong, a feeling of regret or remorse usually follows. There is, as you've described, "some pain that no one knows." I liked the line "you will pay that fee" ... it was a good way of describing how our deeds can haunt us in the future.

The last stanza topped everything off ... it was especially melancholic with its repetition of the phrase "Withering away."

- William Liston

Posted 7 Years Ago


Rebecca Garber

7 Years Ago

I really appreciate you responding to my poem. It is the first I have put on here in awhile. So than.. read more

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Added on November 15, 2016
Last Updated on November 15, 2016

Author

Rebecca Garber
Rebecca Garber

sarcoxie, MO



About
I am sixteen, and have been through a lot. I just got out of heartland because i was self harming and trying to kill myself. Because i had some things happen. So i express what is going on in my head .. more..

Writing
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A Story by Rebecca Garber