It was Quiet

It was Quiet

A Poem by Rhea752

It was quiet and
I was shiny and soft and new
But it was too bright
And I closed my eyes to the rest of you 

I grew up and learned to pretend
That I understood the world
I watched and waited
As my story unfurled

I sat in the shadows 
And watched all around me
As you used your torches
To break the darkness and see

I like to think
I was part of that story
But I was made of ashes and dead flames
And as unseen as a fairy 

I stayed in the tangles
Of the wilderness
And watched the world change
As I was stuck in sameness

I saw all of you, though you didn't see me
And my spirit
Was old and worn and wise
And it was quiet

© 2013 Rhea752


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Featured Review

This poem had a haunting quality to it. Some of the images were really good: "But I was made of ashes and dead flames." The subject matter is deep and wise beyond your years (though I'm not trying to patronize you).

I do think that if you do a rhyming poem that you need to make sure your rhythm is on point, like perfection. Where some lines are too long or too short to fit the rhythm correctly, you might want to revise.

Good write!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thx :)



Reviews

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm rea i liked the flow and read of this one :) good poem

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thanks :)
Interesting poem. I like how well you express the feeling of being neglected and misunderstood. Nice work!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thank you :P
Loved it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thx :)
A deep write and having some nice points to think. It's about pain, love, memory and all about related to love/shadow, very nicely penned, great write. lovely thoughts as well, theme is nice and words're powerful.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thanks ;D
It was really good, though somehow it seems a bit strained. Well done, nonetheless.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thx :P
I loved the depth and the imagery of this poem in particular. You are a very talented writer. :) These were my favourite lines:

I like to think
I was part of that story
But I was made of ashes and dead flames
And as unseen as a fairy

Great job :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thank you so much :D
Aehr

10 Years Ago

Anytime :D
This poem had a haunting quality to it. Some of the images were really good: "But I was made of ashes and dead flames." The subject matter is deep and wise beyond your years (though I'm not trying to patronize you).

I do think that if you do a rhyming poem that you need to make sure your rhythm is on point, like perfection. Where some lines are too long or too short to fit the rhythm correctly, you might want to revise.

Good write!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

10 Years Ago

Thx :)

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7 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on May 25, 2013
Last Updated on May 27, 2013

Author

Rhea752
Rhea752

Middle Of My Daydreams, FL



About
I am a 15 year old girl who loves to read, write, act, and draw. I just started writing seriously about 2 years ago. I've been published a few times in small online magazines. I am trying to find out .. more..

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