I Met Her

I Met Her

A Poem by Rhea752

I met her in a sweaty room of teenagers 
I met her underneath flashing lights
I met her in the thrums of music 
I met her with our clothes skin tight 
I met her through moist palms and heat 
I met her in gyrating cesspool of hormones 
I met her in an act of rebellion 
I met her in the shrill cry of a trombone 
I met her through smoke and dust 
I met her through a high 
I met her in passion and tears 
I met her through winded breaths and sighs 
I met her in the dark and light 
I met her in flashes of when I could see 
I met her in a haze of adreniline 
I met her and then I met me

© 2013 Rhea752


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I think it might sound better if there was an 'a' in 'I met her in gyrating cesspool of hormones'. Would adding another word before high make it read better (for instance hazy)? Would removing 'in' before 'passion' make it read any better? I think 'adreniline' is spelled adrenaline (assuming we're talking about the same thing). Also the 'I met her' seems pretty repetitive to me, but after considering any possible changes the conclusion of 'I met her and then I met me.' just wouldn't have the same emotional impact and I really like that emotional impact. Speaking of which; I think this is a pretty awesome poem. Nicely done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thank you :)



Reviews

Love this!! so amazing, could picture each line in my mind.. so good! the last line is the perfect ending, great job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think it might sound better if there was an 'a' in 'I met her in gyrating cesspool of hormones'. Would adding another word before high make it read better (for instance hazy)? Would removing 'in' before 'passion' make it read any better? I think 'adreniline' is spelled adrenaline (assuming we're talking about the same thing). Also the 'I met her' seems pretty repetitive to me, but after considering any possible changes the conclusion of 'I met her and then I met me.' just wouldn't have the same emotional impact and I really like that emotional impact. Speaking of which; I think this is a pretty awesome poem. Nicely done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thank you :)
I love the reflection of defining finding yourself, it's a long process and you will have plenty more where this one came from.. Your writing is very mature for your age...keep it up you are doing so well!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thank you :)
It seems you refer to yourself in third person because what you do isn't exactly, well, you. Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thanks :)
Spoken word and than some, it would be something for a poetry slam that is for sure.

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thank you
So long as you met her. Good write

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Thx :)
great poem , i;m happy the writer found her and met herself at the same time within finding her :) (i'm being confusing on purpose ;) ) good write rhea :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhea752

7 Years Ago

Haha thank you! :)

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Added on June 18, 2013
Last Updated on June 18, 2013

Author

Rhea752
Rhea752

Middle Of My Daydreams, FL



About
I am a 15 year old girl who loves to read, write, act, and draw. I just started writing seriously about 2 years ago. I've been published a few times in small online magazines. I am trying to find out .. more..

Writing
Let Me Go Let Me Go

A Poem by Rhea752