A Story by Kevin

A man trapped in a vicious cycle seeing no end.

Flashing lights woke me. I was strapped to a steel gurney. Blinking, my vision cleared. I was looking at florescent lights flying by. I tried to turn my head but it was locked firmly in place. I tried to speak and felt a tube between my lips. I attempted to track mine progress but everything looked the same. Then I felt back into the darkness. 

When I came to a second time I was laying on a soft mattress in a softly lit room. I had on a hospital gown and felt no aches or pains. My head was no longer locked in place, so I looked around the room. 

The walls were a pale blue, and white stripes ran down the walls. A red chair sat in the corner and a steel tray holding instruments was next to the bed. A panel of blinking lights was to the left of my head. The door was solid white and looked sound proof, and a hint of disinfectant was in the air. 

A cute brunette walked in and checked the monitors and my I.V. When she turned to leave I asked, “What happened to me?” 

She replied, “You fell from a bridge, and were found in the river.” 

“I don’t remember any of it.” I told her. 

“Don’t worry Hun that’s normal.” She reassured me. Letting the door silently close behind her. 

The scent of jasmine lingered in the air after she left and I found myself having scandalous thoughts. I pictured her walking in wearing nothing but a thong, and then strapping me down and mounting me. 

A scream from down the hall brought me out of my thoughts. It was followed by a moan of pain, then silence. 

I jumped from my bed, headed for the door, only to be pulled back. A leather strap was attached to my ankle. Another scream urged me to pull again. The strap or bed wouldn’t budge. Frustrated I followed the strap back to my bed looking for a way to free it. It was solid leather. There was no loops or holes to lock anything into place. 

Next I inspected the bed. Large bolts fastened it to the floor, and there was no way to free the strap there. I sat on the edge of the bed and pounded my fist on the bank of monitors. 

“That behavior will get you no where, Mr. Mathers.” A voice boomed. 

I spun looking for the source of the voice. A monitor dropped from the ceiling and face filled it. It was the same woman who had come into my room earlier. 

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. 

She let out a girlish laugh and said, “In good time you will know.” 

I looked at the screen baffled, and she put on her most innocent smile. Switching back to the booming voice she said, “You better get some sleep. You will be a busy boy.” Then the monitor flipped back to the ceiling. 

I started looking very closely at the walls and ceiling trying to find a camera. There was no other way she could have known I was hitting the monitors by my bed. If there was a camera, it was well hidden. I couldn’t find it. 

Eventually I lay down and pondered what I was going to do. Strapped to a bed and being monitored made my options were limited. I wish I ‘d been found in river. At least then I’d know where I was. 

I forced myself to stay awake. My body didn’t like it. I tried to remember what I was doing before I woke up in this room. My memory failed me; I drew nothing but a blank. I couldn’t even remember my name. The woman called me Mr. Mathers so I guess that’s my last name. I eventually fell into a slumber. 

A pinch on my arm stirred me awake. Two large men had my wrists pinned to the bed and the woman was sliding a needle out of my arm. With the men still holding me she said, “This is the first day of your new life.” 

I tugged my arms trying to break free, but the men held tight. 

“Tell me what this is.” I said my words dripping venom. 

Smiling She said “I told you last night, in good time.” Then she left the room with the men in tow. As soon as the door clicked shut the lights went out. With the lights off, the blinking lights on the monitors cast an eerie glow into the room. 

Soon different color lights started filling the room. The monitor dropped down and a demonic face filled the screen. An unintelligible voice filled the room. The lights followed the voice. With it rising to a chant, the lights started to take form. First legs appeared, and then a body started forming. Soon heads were visible, and faces took shape. Each light had its own form, none less wicked than the other. As the thing on the monitor chanted louder, the light things stood erect. The tone in the voice changed and they started marching. They all united in the middle of the room. 

I tugged and pulled at my strap knowing my life depended on it. Like before there was still no give. I yanked harder, my ankle screaming in pain, nut still I was stuck. 

The voice changed again and the group started moving towards me. Their mouths turned into wicked snarls. Saliva dripped from their mouths and their eyes pierced my soul. They moved in unison to the cadence of the voice. As they drew nearer, they voice got louder, and their pace quickened. 

I tried to scream, but when I opened my mouth something rushed in. it filled my lungs and I felt like I was suffocating. My throat expanded, as I got dizzy, and started to lose focus. Then everything went black. 

The brunette woke me; she was holding a cup with pills in it. 

“Time for your meds.” She said with a pleasant smile on her face. 

I recoiled, bringing my knees to my chest, and curling into a ball. I swatted the cup from her hand, and spit at her. 

“Mr. Mathers don’t be difficult.” She cooed, trying to calm me. 

“No keep your demons away!” I screamed at her. 

She left the room, and a man wearing a lab coat came in. He sat in the red chair and looked at me. I stared back wondering who he was. After a few moments I asked him “Who are you?” 

“Not this again Bobby.” He said 

“Who is Bobby, and tell me who you are.” I demanded. 

The man looked out the door and made a hand gesture. Two big men came in the room, causing me to jump back as far as possible. They took a hold of my arms and pinned me to the bed. The man in the coat said “We are giving you something to relax. When you wake up everything will be better.” 

The injection stung, and I felt instantly weak. As I was starting to drift into sleep the brunette came back into the room. She looked around and closed the door. I watched her, not being able to move. She came to my bedside, and removed a needle from her pocket. As she found a vein, she whispered, “I am looking forward, to our nights, for the rest of our life’s.” Then it was black. 

© 2010 Kevin

Author's Note

A story I am thinking of turning into a novel. Let me know what you think.

My Review

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Without knowing where the story is heading it's hard to tell whether it would make a good novel or not. There's certainly a lot of directions to go in if the concept is a study of insanity and subsequent hallucinations. If that's the plan then what you have here is a great start. The only thing I'd suggest is the importance of a common thread that's strong enough to run through all of the episodes, otherwise it could end up reading like a collection of unrelated short stories.

Logistically I'd say to just be aware of the need to proof read as there's a fair few typos/spelling mistakes here, this is fine for first drafts and the important process of 'getting it all down on paper' but a publisher would see the errors in the first paragraph and read no further ('track MINE progress', 'felT back into the darkness' etc.) which would be a shame as your work deserves to be read. Another thing to watch out for is consistency in the actions, you mention the character has an IV but then he's leaping off the bed and the IV is forgotten... I've spent a lot of time with IV's stuck in me and although they don't hurt you're always aware of them, certainly no bed jumping!

This certainly isn't meant to be a negative review, I think you've picked a very promising subject and it could certainly go places but if the point of the piece is possible publication then you're story needs to grab a publisher immediately and be flawless in terms of execution.

Keep writing, keep polishing and you might have a bestseller one day!

Posted 10 Years Ago

Very interesting! It would be lovely to see you turn this into a novel!

Posted 10 Years Ago

Wow I really like this. It reminds me of a LOST episode... but it's a really nice beginning to a novel, and it's also really good on it's own, a metaphor of a sort. Depends on what you want to do with it, b'ut it's very intense. There's one spelling error I couldn't help noticing, forgive me, (nut should be but)... "my ankle screaming in pain, nut still I was stuck." Great story.

Posted 10 Years Ago

I like the feel of the story. The mind can play great tricks on us. You set-up a mystery and told a interesting story. You left the door open for many options with this story to create a book. A outstanding story.

Posted 10 Years Ago

I found this very intriguing. Especially the thing that the mystery was not solved even till the end, makes readers wonder different meanings to the story. The ending was nice too, it gave a lot of possibilities to think to the reader too. After reading this it makes me feel like, we never really know what really is the truth, strapped or not.

Posted 10 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on June 17, 2010
Last Updated on June 17, 2010



Colorado Springs, CO

I am currently enlisted in the Army, and have been in for six years. Recently I realized I really want to write, and think i have a decent baseline to start with. I have a beautiful wife and two won.. more..

Red eyes Red eyes

A Story by Kevin

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