She Loves Me ...She Loves Me Not

plagiarized cliche' with what i mean to be haiku ;)

she loves me      - 

  darkly dawn into grey

                                  oak limbs creak awake the day

                                  slightest light blinding

she loves me not -

  saffron crocus spreads 

                                        mirage  horizon blazes 

                                        pink and orange collide

she loves me      -

             mismatch of color 

                                        intoxicating wonder

                                        clematis climbing

she loves me not -

high noon in the sky  

                                    straight up blistering 

                                    monkey face orchid 

                                     

she loves me    -

low down cooling quiet

                            dusk approaches West Mountain  

                            lotus flower floats                               

she loves me not -

   fire born must go out

                                      nightshade turns to face the moon

                                      warming lights go out

she loves me        -

black velvet cloaks sky

                              mauve carnation vows deeply

                              dreaming bell flowers

                             

Author's Note

fun with flowers and haiku ... constructive critique always welcome ;)

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Mr E. Your title grabbed me big time. Took me right back to when I would pluck the petals off daisy heads) replacing the she with a he though) On reflection how cruel that was. I really do like the haiku/senryu structure. There is so much that can be said in 17 syllables and far more between the lines too. These take skill to do well and yours are exceptionally colourful, flowery and scented. I have to say I do love the heady, intoxicating perfume of garden flowers. Imagery from dawn to sunset, complete with mountains and moonlight. A different kind of love poem, so very creative and very much enjoyed. I lingered here quite a while. Hope you are well my friend across the pond while Miss Covid is calling on us.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much as always Christine ... you have a knack for seeing and feeling the whole of poems .. couldn't be more gratified for your review .. you are a dumplin' :) and very talented .. thanks so much for taking time to read and let me know your thoughts ... yeah .. Covid ... we need to remain updated on true substantiated facts about it but honestly .. i am pretty sick of so much coverage .. it sadly reminds me far to much of the body counts during the Viet Nam War ...we can't stay huddled in the cave any longer ... we risk life and limb every day .. all day ... before, during and after Covid .. we are well ..thank you .. and praying the same for you, yours and us all .. another day in the jungle right?! ;)))))))))))

[Chris Shaw]

Ha ha. Dumpling....

Hey fatty boom boom, sweet sugar dumpling.....

Can you remember those lyrics Mr E. You have put a wide smile on my face.

On a more serious note, I am so sorry that present circumstances are a reminder of Vietnam :(( That is a perpetual ache I would imagine.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha no ... i'll have to look that one up ;) we have well enough ache and pain .. i think it the far better teacher than joy however ... so glad we can chat ... right here at the Cafe' .. i went on a bit of vacation .. just returned a couple days ago and finally am back in my groove ... lots of reading to do :) love on ya!

[Betty Hermelee]

I liked the way you used the flowers to describe the scene of magic, love...warm and cool colors to capture dawn to dusk...and to describe the night sky as black velvet; I thin she loves you more in the vacern of darkness... really loved all the details. Fondly Betty

[Einstein Noodle]

i don't know how i missed your review Betty! didn't get a notice somehow .. thanks for taking time to read and review .. so glad you enjoyed the colors and flowers and my fun with "loves me" ... joy and peace on ya!
E.

[Betty Hermelee]

Your welcome!

[Dennis Shanaberg]

A very cool play on the form.
I really enjoy how you pieced this together and the descriptions of nature are quite vivid and beautiful

[Einstein Noodle]

Hi Dennis! I think this is our first meeting! thank you for stopping by; i will repay the kindness ... glad you enjoyed ... the play and imaging .. :) thanks again for reading and reviewing .. so nice to meet you ...right here at the Cafe' :)
E.

[Fran Marie]

A very unique and clever
piece you have created
with an interesting haiku
format..i think she loves
you landing on the final
note dreaming bell flowers

I love the vivid imagery
you give this poem.
Lotus flower floats
poetic beauty within
each verse..even in the
she loves me nots

awesome write
dear friend

[Einstein Noodle]

i couldn't be happier with a review, Fran .. and that it is form you is even more gratifying ..thanks so much for taking time to read and share your impressions .. love and joy and peace
E.

[Fran Marie]

Awhh; you're
s o very welcome (*-*)

[adornoscousin]

What a creative way to integrate something we all know (she loves me...) and something new and original (your lines). There are also nice juxtapositions here...high noon and setting sun et. This juxtaposition might be the frantic state of uncertainty many in love have felt, that push and pull. Great poem!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Cousin! so happy you enjoyed .. hoped that the "she loves me" would bring human emotion to the haiku .. seems that came through for you... so glad it did! top o' the mahrnin' to ya! i appreciate your thoughts and time
E.

[Great Aunt Astri]

love it, lots to reflect on.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for taking time Auntie! keep staying safe and healthy in these difficult times ... peace and joy!
E.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Thank you. You too.

[barleygirl]

So sorry I haven't read you in so long! And this is a stunning poem to come back to, thank you for that! This is one of the best of yours I've read in a long time & it's also some of the best haiku I've read on this website. When haiku is so absorbing that I forget to count syllables, then you know I'm hooked. I am envious of the way you describe details in nature & it makes me want to try my hand right away. This line is the best ever: "oak limbs creak awake the day" . . . exactly how it's been around here, surrounded by oaks & it's been blustery lately, even when it's hot, so the limbs have been a-creakin' mightily! This feels like eating fruit salad, so many bright flavors popping & contrasting, nice & juicy & sweet (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness .. your review has blessed me big big! i am humbled and blushing truly .. so happy you enjoyed .. it was challenging for me in several ways ... i resort to forms when my well is dry .. now i am overly satisfied as it has touched and moved you so.... it has been a while .. thanks girl!
E.

[KWP]

Sounds like a most pleasant way to see the day coming and going ... plucking at thoughts then letting them go back to where they came ... it presents itself to me as a meditation, and we all know how I love that.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha yes we do dear friend ... love your take on this .. pluck and let go :)))))) peace sister .. your never far from me thoughts .. you your family and of course Dodger ;) keep staying safe and well
E.

[Lale]

So many hopes and dreams are petals flowing in the wind.. lovely poem, you never ceases to create good stuff!! thank you for sharing..

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you Clueless .. you are too kind .. i feel happy you were able to enjoy the read .. thanks!! :)
E.

[Unspoken poet]

So very creative and enjoyed the set up of your write, This is clever. Much enjoyed this

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank Kay-T! great to have your visit and review... glad you like it ... great to be getting to know you better ... right here at the Cafe' :) peace and joy!
E.

[emmajoy]

What a wonderfully original way of placing loving, wondering thoughts but doubts and questions, Gene!! And even more. you've done all that in structured form, I so envy each three lines, start to finish

Seems however that although we don't want to include the wretched bug, it clouds our lives more often or not. But, thank you, thank you for given me a sweet change of scenery for w few minutes, dear friend. Will come back a few more times to soak in this, it's a true gem in every sense of the word.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks emma ..

[emmajoy]

Maybe I didn't say enough.. am apt to write too much usually..

[Einstein Noodle]

???????????????????? i probably said too little eh!? :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[emmajoy]

NOOO... just thought I'd been too brief, usually say far, far too much.. as now. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

just teasing you Em! ;)

[emmajoy]

I know, just a little vunerable, sensitive at present. Ignore me!