I Never Got My Egg Rolls

A dating couple go out for Chinese food.

     Jeff poked at his order of Happy Fried Rice with bamboo chopsticks and watched his date devour a plate of pot stickers. She sure had an appetite he thought. Jeff looked around the restaurant for their conveniently missing waiter, but didn’t see him.  He poked at a curled shrimp, cowering under a sliced carrot in his rice. The Green Lotus restaurant was one of the most popular Chinese restaurants in the city. Its decor was spectacular, like eating in a Chinese art museum. Jeff particularly liked the red and gold feathered dragon sculpture that undulated half-way around the dining area walls. Outside on either side of the entrance, two giant, bronze dragons sat guarding the doors. Jeff thought they looked more like giant Pugs. His date, Sally had rushed past them without comment. 

     On the inside, surrounding the hostess station, were ebony lacquer and gold leaf urns as tall as a man. Each urn had an elegant, pearl mosaic crane decoration. While they waited for seating, the restaurant’s famous, savory incense flooded over them. Pungent garlic sauces, ginger glazes, cayenne and black bean sauces accompanied spicy beef dishes. Crisp pea pods nestled next to succulent, ginger chicken and a heady aroma from exotic seafood completed their gastronomic seduction. To Jeff’s relief, they didn’t have long to wait before the hostess guided them to their table.

     Jeff got a sense Sally wasn’t much impressed with his choice of restaurant or its decor. He didn’t say anything about it because they had only been dating for a month. Before the hostess turned to leave, Sally grabbed her arm and asked if they had an all-you-can-eat buffet. The young hostess bowed politely and said no, then returned to her station. Sally pulled a brief pout. They’d have to order ala cart instead. Jeff watched Sally gulp down some Oolong tea before attacking a small platter of crispy, Peking duck. 

     It was a good thing the restaurant took credit cards. He couldn’t complain about the cost of the meal though, the cuisine tasted incredible and there was more than the two of them could finish eating�" especially since Sally ended up ordering almost everything on the menu. Jeff paused between spoonfuls of his sweet and sour soup to watch her gobble down buttery, egg foo young, like she sat on death row and it was her last meal. 

     The restaurant was packed. Clattering woks and impatient shouts in Mandarin intermittently escaped between swinging kitchen doors. Around them from other tables came all manner of diner date small talk, and relationship gibber-jabber. Jeff kept an eye out for their waiter when he suddenly realized Sally hadn’t looked up from her plate or glanced at him once, since their entrees arrived. After a wistful sigh, Jeff attacked the hide-and-seek shrimp on his plate with his chopsticks, but the butter-slathered creature twirled around one stick and flipped off the other, then landed in Sally’s cup of wonton soup. 

      

     “Hey, what gives” she asked, finally coming up for air. Her beady eyes glared out from under pasteboard like false eyelashes. An involuntary reflex caused Jeff to tuck in his chin.   

     “Sorry, sorry. I don’t think that bugger was completely cooked” he replied.

     “This isn’t sushi, hon, its Chinese food. They cook their meat here.”

     “Yeah, I guess. I’m still a novice at this chopstick thing.”

Sally raised an eyebrow and squinted at her date. Jeff wasn’t cracking his usual stupid jokes trying to empress her. 

     “Chopsticks, huh. Something else crawl under your rug, sweetie” asked Sally. 

     “I don’t know. Nothing really.”

     “Don’t take this literally, hon, but spit it out.”

     “Well, its just, I don’t know. I know it shouldn’t really bother me. But you know how on the menu it said if we ordered two entrees, we’d get free egg rolls? We didn’t get any egg rolls.”

     “And that’s it?” Sally asked. 

     “Yeah, I mean, I had a difficult enough time understanding our waiter, and he definitely didn’t understand me. We quibbled back and forth so much�" the least he could have done was bring the free egg rolls. I mean, its common knowledge, like in the movies: “with two you get egg rolls” right? I mean, I’d think it was kind of tradition by now.” Sally brushed a lock of blonde hair away from her mouth. She looked like she wasn’t listening as her gaze roved around the table, trying to decide which delicacy to wolf down next.  “Anyway,” continued Jeff, “we should have gotten those egg rolls, that’s all I’m saying.” 

Sally swallowed a gob of Mu-shu pork before answering. 

     

     “You know what hon, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Say, you gonna eat that shrimp you just tossed over here?”

     “What? No, you can have�".”

Before Jeff finished answering, Sally shoved the pink morsel into her mouth. She clicked her chopsticks and moved on to the General Tao, spicy beef platter. 

     Jeff ruminated while he quietly sipped a little tea. He fussed setting the cup back on the saucer, then returned to absently poking at his happy fried rice. Sally struggled to chew with her mouth closed as she finished the house special: octopus. What she conveniently didn’t tell Jeff, was that after he ordered and then went to the bathroom, in his absence, their waiter had promptly brought out a plate of the complimentary egg rolls. She also conveniently forgot to mention that she polished them all off before his return. 

Author's Note

Another sketch from a writing prompt. Looking for comments on the characters and the dialogue. All critiques and comments welcome.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Ah, love. Or... possibly, I may be mistaken and it's something entirely different. It looks like both should give up dating, confine themselves to their parent's basement and order take-out. I wonder, though... if they'd gone for Italian, might they have recreated that scene from "Lady and the Tramp", and slurped the same noodle?

[roarke]

Sorry for the delay in response Sam, haven’t been here in a while. I like your ideas here. When I go back and look at writing sketches, I have to sit and ask myself a lot of questions about the characters. You’ve given me some good places to start. Thanks

[keith]

ain't nuthin like being a P-I-G hog to mess up a good meal/date (ya can tell it's been a long time since i went on a date HA!)
i'm thinking you used his name too many times rather than with a he or his ... jeff has already been introduced as 1 of 2 main characters so we kinda already know who he is so no chance getting the 2 mixed up.
it's an enjoyable read of what is probably fairly common occurance

blah blah blah blah ... and blah blah blash HA! HA! and another blah blah blah
but really? don't ya just hate it when somebody tries to tell you how to write?

[roarke]

Not at all, I admit I’m a student of writing, its more difficult than art or music, of which I spent 30 yrs on… my thoughts, images, are dyslexic metaphors in my mind, that I have to rearrange to write out. Lol Your suggestion is excellent and spot on. Most of the pieces I put on here are sketches, drafts leading to the “finished” product. I appreciate you slogging through it to offer your advice. Along the way, I hope you are entertained in the process. Thanks Keith.

[Aura]

I loved this! Nothing beats funny like a date where they hog all the food. She didn't even tell Jeff that the egg rolls were brought over, because she ate them all! Poor Jeff didn't even get an egg roll. At the beginning, Jeff thought Sally was unimpressed with the restaurant, there wasn't an all you can eat buffet, but wow! Sally ordered the entire menu, and ate it all. I loved the dialog, it was witty, I just loved Sally's character so much, taking advantage of the restaurant, eating to her hearts desire.

[roarke]

I’m very glad you liked this. My first goal is for my reader to be as entertained reading my stories as I was writing them. I’ll be refining the characters, and from your comments, I see Sally is well worth developing. Thanks.

[Aura]

Yes, I'd love to read more about Sally, she's a great character!

[Delmar Cooper]

Was the prompt, "How to Date a Pig"?
It was funny and you didn't telegraph the punch line. You set up her appetite well, maybe too well, that amount of food strains credulity. But at least she won't be hungry again in an hour. Maybe. I wonder if you could have found a way to disclose the egg roll theft that didn't require you to read Sally's mind. Perhaps if she had the little egg roll plate in her purse so Jeff would never know she'd eaten his share as well, and you disclosed that? In any event it was a funny well written story and thanks for posting it.

[roarke]

Great suggestion. I was thinking of the nursery rhyme, Jack Sprat and his wife… lol I’ll work on the ending in my next edit session. Thanks for your read and comments.