Parched

My first English Sonnet is a tribute to the finely crafted cocktails of Palm Springs, the desert city I work in. Thanks to Richard for his dogged determination to get me to write one of these.

In summer heat the Workshop Kitchen bar

creates refreshingly delicious art,

so drinkers come to visit from afar.

Enjoying the Palm Springer, that's a start,

'cause there are many cocktails to imbibe.

Bar hopping is a way of Palm Springs life.

To quiet places I in turn subscribe,

oases in the desert free of strife.

The Wexler cocktail is a drink that wins,

with basil, gin, and hint of peppercorn.

If drinking is a sin, I got some sins!

I must confess my body parts are worn.

    Libations are important in the sun.

    Excuse me while I make a liquor run.

Reviews

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Well, you are good at the sonnets Roland! :o) Have you not done one before? Some of my WordPress friends do sonnets now and then, they're very good. Although I do like some sonnets, I can't see myself writing one, I just don't think I've got a sonnet brain.

Thanks for telling me of Palm Springs! I guess there must be a lot of liquor runs going on? I'm sure eating chocolate is a sin too - apparently! ;o)

[Roland Petrov]

Actually, eating chocolate is not a sin; furthermore, I do believe that adding chocolate to your cocktail absolves you. Now to the point: if I can write a sonnet, I'm sure you can too. I never thought I could write the poems I've written recently, but someone challenged me, and here we are. So, Suzy, I challenge you to a sonnet. No, I never wrote an English sonnet before, though I did write one Italian one a few years ago.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

You wrote an Italian one?!!! Now I'm feeling really intimidated!! :o0

Did you know that it's technically still against the law for a woman to eat chocolate on a bus in England? Haha...crazy isn't it?!!! It's one those stupid laws no-one has bothered to undo. If someone so chose to, they could re-enforce that law, although I'm sure they'd have a bit of a fight on their hands. I'd be the first female to eat chocolate on a bus...mm! ;o)

I shall give that sonnet some thought, but you might be waiting a while Roland. You know me and rules!!

[Roland Petrov]

If you eat chocolate on a bus, how on earth will I get you to write a sonnet?!

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Haha!! I could write a sonnet about eating chocolate on a bus and getting arrested for it?!!! :oD

[kealan]

haha, Amen brother.

Quick rhythm suits the tone.

[mattavelli]

Good one, sinner! I think this topic works for you. :)

[Roland Petrov]

I must confess that it does.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this goes down as smoothly as an amaretto stone sour, my favorite.

and those cherries....mmmm..

tasty sonnet, refreshing to read one that isn't so serious.

j.

[Roland Petrov]

What is in an amaretto stone sour? It sounds intoxicating!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Amaretto liqueur, orange juice and sours....delicious...even better with Apricot Brandy instead of Amaretto.

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks! I'll try it.

[Tomás Ó C..]

A good thirst must be quenched! Love the poem!

[Richard🖌]

Roland, not too shabby for your first effort, My Fine Friend, and with but a few iambic issues to address, this will, indeed, be made into a splendid English Sonnet.
I very much enjoyed your creativeness in picking the subject, and how most all of us will be able to relate to it; some more than others … LOL!

"Oases" should be "Oasis".

L9 and 11 need addressing, as both end trochaic (soft, or or in feminine mode).
L9 is an easy fix: "WEXler IS the COCKtail THAT is WINNing":
"the COCKtail WEXler, IS the WINNing DRINK,"

L11 takes a bit more effort … "If drinking's a sin, I keep on sinning.":
"if DRINKing IS a SIN, I'll DRINK and SINK."

THUS:
"the COCKtail, WEXler, IS the WINNing DRINK,
if DRINKing IS a SIN, I'll DRINK and SINK." (or some-such … whatever fits your fancy)

L10 another easy fix … "BAsil, CUcumBER, HINT of PEPPerCORN."
"mix BAsil, CUKES, a HINT of PEPPerCORN."

VERY nice first serious effort, Roland, and I applaud you for sticking it out, and with a bit of ingenuity and concentration, there's no doubt you'd have been able to figure it out, too, but I don't mind giving examples to help a friend along the way … still, before you post, be sure you've dotted all your i's and crossed all your t's , after all, it is you whom your efforts reflect, eh? Besides, we both know there is nothing you can't write when you put forth your best effort, and that is the only kind of effort a real poet has … LOL!

End of peptalk, and to let you know … I am really impressed with what you got right … iambics are a challenge for the novice, but are the true heart and soul of flow in any form of poetry. If you learn them properly and use them to compose with, all of your verses will be masterpieces, whether in rhyming or Free Verse compositions.

Thanks, Roland for the ever sincerely appreciated pleasure and honor of sharing your fine skills! ⁓ Richard

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks, Richard, for your very constructive critique. I think I may have fixed the iambics, but I'll let you be the judge of that. "Oases" should actually be correct as it's the plural of "Oasis".

I had a mentor on the last writing site I was on who introduced me to the Shadorma, among other styles, and you've taken over his position on this site. Can't believe how lucky I got! Thanks to your inspiration, I've written numerous poems I never would have, and it's quite exciting. Many thanks, Richard!

[Richard🖌]

Great corrections, Roland … I knew you could do it!
Oases (plural) would be correct; I did not catch it from the preceding line, but that's one of the snafus of capitalizing every line's beginning.
Ah, the illusive Shadorma form with no history, no reason, no turn, no meter, no crux, nor rhyme, but it can be fun to practice in.
For as lucky as you feel, I feel equally more so to find poets willing to learn and pass the art of poetry along intact.
Learning such an amazing craft is fun, indeed … I truly understand, my friend! ~ RJ

[Roland Petrov]

I capitalized every line's beginning because that seems to be what Shakespeare did; I understand that you're not a fan of that form, but I seem to lose my way when I try to be too grammatically correct when writing poetry. The Shadorma is a Spanish form whose history seems to be lost, but the name makes me think it was introduced to Spain by the Moors and that Arabic was possibly the original language of this form. I've posted a Shadorma sequence that I wrote a couple of years back under the name The Fire at Heywood House. I also have a collection of Shadormas not yet posted here. Do I take it that you're not particularly involved with haiku or tanka? My only poetry ever accepted for publication were haiku; however, the magazine I got the acceptance letter from went out of business before I was published.

Thanks again, Richard; your validation is inspiring. What's next?!

[Richard🖌]

Roland,
Pure fabrication, the Shadorma is so out of sorts in every way, it was more likely the modern day invention of some frustrated poet who got tired of all the Haiku, Senryu, and structured rhyme forms … LOL! It has noting in common with any of the poetry from those sources you've mentioned, including its name.
I have written and taught in most every conceivable form imaginable, Roland, so every form is what I am into, but the English Sonnet is the Cadillac of poetry, so I would say it is my favorite.
Shakespeare was often grammatically terrible, as were many of the classical writers, who sadly copied one another's techniques far too often, and far too many try to copy them today. Why would we want to have terrible grammar, despite whomever has?
How about a few more English Sonnets to assure your proficiency before we move any further ahead, ha-hah!
Read and review some of mine for examples of how flexible I make them, and I have both Haiku and Senryu on here, too, if you'd like to dip into them for a change of pace.

[Roland Petrov]

Another sonnet posted, Richard! How am I doing with iamb?