Desert Mountain View on Rare Rainy Day

It rained in the desert today, and my view of Mount San Jacinto was the inspiration for my very first Triolet.

I looked up in awe

at mist on the mountain.

Less mountain was more!

I looked up in awe,

gray raincloud I saw:

an upside down fountain.

I looked up in awe

at mist on the mountain.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Ah, it is beautiful, Roland … I dearly love your composition, and that you continue to stretch your poetical wings.
One of the benefits of the Triolet is that its form allows for powerful expression of any topic, with its repeated refrains, and the only hitch, in an otherwise perfect form, is that line three should be a spot-on "a" rhyme.
A helpful hint: Omit the poetically meaningless "the" and "and" words, and consider that this form is short and that a strong poetic voice is required to bring it to life:

I looked up in awe
'pon mist o'er yon mountain. (or, some-such)

I looked up in awe,
dark rainclouds I saw: (or, some-such)

Whatever; your efforts are always full-on and brilliantly executed to your fullest ability, and for me, this is a viable part of enjoying your excellently growing skills, my friend … thank you for sharing! 〜 Richard

(90/100)

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks to you, the "and" is gone in favor of "gray" (lots of fountains around here are gray in color). It's also thanks to you that I went digging in my Handbook to Literature to find poetic styles I hadn't tried before. Thanks!!!

[light and ashes]

"an upside down fountain," I liked this write. I have a weakness for the mountains.

[Roland Petrov]

Is that because you don't have any where you live? On the other hand, you have limestone caves and bourbon, two of my favorite things.

[Nisreen]

The amount of sight one experiences at a mountain
places the world and oneself in perspective

Something reads so well in your words
A sense of freedom
and being alive

Lovely

[Roland Petrov]

Lovely comment; thank you so much!

[Suzy Hazelwood]

I've never heard of a Triolet before. My goodness, there's a lot of poetry styles out there! I love the thought of looking in awe on mountain mist, other than cups of tea in beautiful gardens on warm sunny afternoons, it would be one of my favourite things to look at, mountains and mist (if I had one near me). Thanks for sharing a slice of your day Roland!

P.S. A poetry friend on WordPress shared a poem written in 'ghazal' I'd never heard of that either. Just thought you might like this? http://littleoldladywho.net/2015/09/04/unfallen-rain/

[Roland Petrov]

Thanks, Suzy. I looked up ghazal in my Handbook to LIterature, but it doesn't say much about it. Your link isn't a link, so I'll try and write the address in by hand. Mt San Jacinto is desert for the first 3,000 feet or so, but it's like Alaska at the top (over 10,000 feet). An aerial tramway goes from desert to 8,000 feet in 10 minutes.

[Suzy Hazelwood]

No it's not an active link to her page, but if you highlight the whole address, right click and select open in new tab, it's as good as a link. But you've probably found it by now. 8,000 feet in ten minutes, wow, that's the way to travel. Wish we had aerial trams where I live!

[Tomás Ó C..]

Ill never look at cloud the same again: an upside down fountain... love the imagery!