The Lesser Equal

fresh wounds

Guard your garment but ooze desire,

Conquer the world but before bearing children,

Act like a boss but not a nagging disgust,

No means no but don't ask for it first.

The forbidden fruit, Eve's eager desires,

Keep him satisfied, Kill your fire,

Drown your name, leave your hearth,

Crush your dream, spurn your birth,

After all this, the generous society did bestow

Freedom to express but when the tears flow,

The burning brand plunges deep into our flesh,

Here lie the weakest.

To revolt or to be grateful for this life that I lead,

Illusions of independence that I have ferried,

I wonder, Oh foreign freedom, how you must feel.

Author's Note

Hey, I am new and I would really like feedback to improve

Reviews

[.]

There is an interesting contrast here, roma. Your first half of the poem almost reads dominating and sexist to women, like they are just pawns to be used for their husband's pleasure, then your second half seems to illustrate the lack of true freedom that such 'unequals' must feel. In this day and age, true freedom must be allowable and to settle for anything less is not negotiable. At least that is my opinion. Of course, there will still be many for whom such freedoms are still very much a dream. In a nutshell that sums up the complexity of your poem. Its an interesting idea you have here and one that is open to a wide variety of opinions. Hopefully true freedom is gained. :)

[roma20]

Hi Jamila, I greatly appreciate the review. I wished to write about the scores of injustices women had to face with a single respite of emotional freedom. But even that turns into a back stab when it is considered a symbol of weakness. Thank you for stopping by. I am new to writing in general and I hope to improve.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Oh wow, this was fantastic! And so eloquently expressed that I am almost envious. I completely understood that the first portion was a diatribe on the long held social status of women in the opinions of men. It clearly announces the repression and suppression of the feminine gender by their masculine counterparts. And you put this out there so gently and beautifully that it just rings like a cry, not only for liberty, but for "justice" as well. I am a hearty believer in complete equality for all people and the weaker the person, the more support and strength should be offered to them both individually and socially...so that helpless children, the elderly and mentally disadvantaged lives are valued as well. Being a father of daughters I can tell you that I do not believe women are the weaker gender. I raise strong, responsible, intelligent and capable women not only able to help themselves but devoted to helping others. I invest a great amount of respect in them; so much so that they cannot help but learn to respect themselves and others. That is what the world needs most; even more than what most call love, we need more respect, kindness and understanding. Blessings of light and peace. F.

[roma20]

This is a heartening message to read in the morning. Your daughters are blessed to have a father like you and I wish them all the happiness the world has to offer.