Deceit

 

Deceit

 

Deceit…

 

Oh, Hollow, Wretched Creature!

Beneath soiled kingly robes

Beneath false gilded crown

Behind sly smiling teeth

Behind foul perfumed breath

You hide decay of soul

You hide malign intent

You hide Your meatless bones

 

Oh Black One, You’re a monster

So practiced in Your arts

With smile and laugh and jest

And happy Your demeanor

When introduced to guests

Yet cold is Thy embrace

Malicious is Your heart

Ruination Thy design

 

How be we rid of Thee?

Through careful watchful eye

Through constant love of truth

With steadfast best intent

Through heartfelt brotherhood!

Oh may we know Thy face

And shun Thy company

Instead may truth be found

 

We must be rid of Thee!

 

 

 

 

©2009 Richard Puetter

All rights reserved.

 

 

This poem was inspired by Emma's poem "Dreams might be wiser", see http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/scrapemma/429339/.

Author's Note

Dear Thracian,

Thanks for your review. As always, it is quite thorough and thought provoking. And while I generally don't comment on reviews, this is such a detailed review that I want to make a few comments. You'll note that I've commented on your reviews several times before. As I've said, they are thought provoking.

First, we've discussed this before, i.e., do I count "ed" as a separate syllable. The answer as before, is no, I don't. I find this a somewhat arcaic practice, even though I generally support preservation of "correct" English and generally shun the introduction of slang, etc., into the language. Still, in common pronunciation of "ed" as a separate syllable, at least in the United States, is essentially dead. I certainly have never heard this done for most of my life.

Now, on the 6-syllable count, because that's what we're left with if "ed" is not a separate syllable, no, there is no "number of the beast (666)" thing going on here. It is simply a meter I've decided to use for the poem. The line metric length is short to keep the pace of the poem fast, making the lines emphatic declarations.

Regarding simplicity of speech, you correctly remember. I always profess simplicity and clarity. But this is a poem about deceit, which is anything but simple and clear. So the words fit the topic. There is embroidery, there is slight of hand, there is hiding behind cover, and there is embellished speech. This is the nature of deceit.

And I agree with your comment that there is an easy melody in

Oh, Beast!
You hide beneath,
Hollow!
You hide behind,
Wretched!
you hide beneath, behind... you hide.

In fact I like this quite a bit, but what is your point? These words by themselves really don't say too much. Now maybe they do to you, and perhaps I can see that they might with some effort by the reader. But I think you are too clever and fast on the up-take. As I've said before, I'm not into making the reader work. I'm into clarity and simplicity. I don't want my reader to work at all, at least not at discerning my meaning. It is another matter entirely if the words (clear in their meaning) provoke difficult thought and reexamination of values or point of view.

My very best regards,

Rick

Reviews

[emmajoy]

The flow of this outpaces anything I could write about Deceit, Rick.

You always write with such finesse; even those horrible traits making up deceit: the false facade, the snide manner et al are made somehow worthy when you write ... even though they shouldn't be!

'Oh Black One, You're a monster ~ So practiced in Your arts ~ With smile and laugh and jest ~ And happy Your demeanor ~ When introduced to guests'

I love the old English ring of this, as if written when men could be knights or scoundrels. You, sir, are very definitely one of the former.

Thank you for sharing and in your own way, commiserating. x

[Kelsey O'Connell]

Maybe it's just because i'm in the middle of reading it, but this reminds me of the story Hamlet. The way that the uncle (king Claudius ) betrays and deceives not only his brother but also hamlet and the entire kingdom. Any-who, the flow of this poem is unbelievable as it is also thought provoking and beautifully written.

kelsey

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Deceit
(Review for Change the World Competition) Again perfect 10’s for Craft and Art. I like how the dark could be conceived as anything though i gained a direct attack on denial from this work. Denial is an infection in so many souls, the side effects of this illness is to burry one’s self in possessions and false reality (TV). “Oh may we know Thy face and shun Thy company, Instead may truth be found”. This is why I created this Competition and Group, to spread truth and erode the infestation of conformity and obligation.

[nono]

Cool

[alesuriko]

Wonderful poem. I love the personification of deceit. Vivid and dark, filled with hatred and bitterness. My favorite line was "With smile and laugh and jest / And happy Your demeanor." It made me laugh as I imagined it. It also reminded me of the moon you used as the image. A lot of the description makes it sounds like something else, a moon with it's phases looks like all those things physically when you consider the "man in the moon" haha. But really great imagery, detailed and creative. Good expression in this piece.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on this wonderful shadow poetry. Well Done!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I thought this was a fine and beautiful exercise of classical form. And I'm certainly in agreement with the premise presented. My daughter has made the statement about me that I am "brutally honest". lol I suppose I consider that a compliment. I mean, all we often have to offer are often our own opinions and I think while these should be exercised with tact and discretion; they should be honest and forthrite as well.
I simply find the practice of "kissing up" or being a "yes man" indigestable. My muse is always looking for meaning...it takes me to some of the most extraordinary places!

[Charles D. Moorer]

I am reminded or Dorian Gray and also remided of the the feel of 18th century English feel of language. Deceit lives because we do and as long as we have the ability to reason we will deceive, and not necessariy a bad human quality when done for the right reasons.

[R J Askew]

Ach, a fine aspiration, but as long as there are human beings there will be deceit methinks. Isn't it in us all to some extent? And isn't it essential to winning most games? We celebrate cunning when it deceives our enemies in war. Adn we idolise many deceitful people. Their brass neck makes us smile. We wonder how they get away with it.

[deeps]

There's alot to be said about deceit, I like how you wrote this.
Very poetic and flows so well.

Oh Black One, You're a monster
So practiced in Your arts
With smile and laugh and jest
And happy Your demeanor
When introduced to guests
Yet cold is Thy embrace
Malicious is Your heart
Ruination Thy design

I loved these lines here, This is amazing!
You have talent.

[Lizanne]

I find this to be a wonderful word artistry about decreit. You have chose one of the smallest yet of the most powerful of words in our language. I love how you use the robes and rich adornments of royalty as hiding places for it. So crafty a description for one of the things that royalty and others throughout the ages have used to bring themselves to power. Deceit is a craft and skill that has been finely honed by those that endorse war, the destruction of reputations, greed, adultery and many more undesirable acts. Deceit sent Jesus to the cross and many an innocent person to jail or the death chamber. You speak so well of its deceiving character. You so eloquently ask that it be recognized in its disguise of a smile, love and jest for what it really is "a malicious heart". Your request for its eradication or demise is a most fitting epilogue for a "feeling" that needs to be banned from the stage of life. Skillfully written in one of the truest of poetic forms. Reads as if the "Bard" himself was reciting this. Your artistic talent of writing has pointed out so well one of man's worse characteristics, deceit. Keep that pen moving, the paper loves its smooth flow.