the light of the land

down comes the light

it slips off the rail

over the windshield and onto the trail

 

here comes the boy

bucket in hand

coming to gather the light of the land

 

it crawls to the pail, which soon overflows

 

and the light spills again

and the light starts to grow

 

and it soaks up his feet,

it shines on his jeans

it gleams through his shirt

and it helps the boy see as it

takes him in whole;

 

drowns him in golden-white

as his feet leave the ground he begins to take flight

 

the bucket is left on the trail in the sand

as the boy is immersed in the light of the land

Author's Note

I think I could have expanded on this a lot, but I decided to keep it this way.

Reviews

[Solst Rapture]

I have to give this poem (and you) my support. There is a lot to be considered in this; the boys desire, the narrators tenderness, the true meaning of gathering up the light; what could he not see before and now? He understands something: it is a dense metaphor for something and it feels to me as if the passion behind it reckons to misunderstand is to be blinded, to appreciate is to elevate; one can aspire when they see and the light, the positive energy of the goodness of beauty, perfection, will raise us up. It's a sensitive and uplifting poem to consider and let me confess; I've put the smallest thought into this, you may have already thought that (Such does my time allow). And yet it already creeps inside me, just when I thought I was inspiration tight, sealed, unable to be charmed.

I would say that the following lines could easily be improved - until them the rhythm was sublime, it was well designed - here on it becomes slight askew:

and it helps the boy see as it {do you need 'as'? and should 'it' belong to the next line?}
takes him in whole;

drowns him in golden-white
as his feet leave the ground he begins to take flight {Should this be broken at 'ground' with a semi colan afterwards?}

the bucket is left on the trail in the sand {Do you need 'on the trail'?}
as the boy is immersed in the light of the land

Just ideas. Emily Burns directed me here. Thank to her and to you.

[Emily B]

I especially like poems about light. This one seems just right.

[J.E. Stroud]

It's well-written; the only thing that puts me off is the lack of rhythm.

[GenMuffin7]

awesome, i drew a lot of meanings from it

[Celtic Cat]

I think the saddest thing to me is the stats on this piece. Since I'm looking for new works for the group, I had to check the date.... and was very saddened to see this had 216 views yet only 5 reviews. It deserved a review from everyone who read it, as far as I can tell. of course, not everyone has been effected by the light.. .so perhaps some lack understanding. sigh.
Anyway.... onto the review!!
The first stanza is so glorious it sucked me right into this piece. After looking at the pic, and reading these first lines, it really evoked such a joyous feeling in me, excellent experience.
The second stanza is absolutely uplifting.... to see this little boy ready to eat up all of life is so glorious, so joyous, so beautiful. It's how all little boys (and girls) should greet each new day. Hell... we ALL should!!
I love the "it crawls..." line.... it's such a wonderful expression and for me it brings up the notion that life will meet you half way when you greet it whole heartedly as the boy had done. And his bucket runneth over... yay!! : )
and the light spills again..... another wonderful image that surrounds the reader... encompassing and enthralling!!
... and it soaks up his feet... this whole stanza lifts us to an even higher level... which is what I love about the piece in it's entirety... it just pulls you higher and higher as it's read, very awesome.
drowns him in golden-white... I can see the boy in a glorious light and rejoice with him as his feet leave the earth

and the last stanza.... realization of his intent. Nothing better than that.
Awesome, awesome write!!!

[CLUTZ]

Hmmmmm.......... nice

[Katy Otto]

I like it, a lot.
It reminds me of watching a glorious sunrise on a desolate beach.
(Living in Kansas, one must be creative..)

[Last Lying Look]

really good poem! I love it!!! it;s truly beautiful.

[Michael Carr]

only nitpick I can find is that the rhymes seem a bit forced at times.
that aside, its a powerful, well written piece with excellent voice and flow.
simple but effective imagery.
good job!

[PianoandPage]

i really like how you give the light movement and life. it's an almost overwhelming scary way how it envelops... swallows the boy up but it's really glorious.

also nicely done how it starts as a romantic description of sunlight breaking and then shifts to a more fantastic story of being lifted by the light.

nice original poem sir!