Time

The clock at work read 10:15

The clock in the kitchen reads 3:24

A clock doesn't know about time

It only produces hand movements

A mechanical sign language

Understood only by Man

To be a machine meant for such a purpose!

Expected to rule over its maker

Day to day to day

A clock gives us an impression of time

A time that matters only when we look at it

But time cares not for either of us

Time looks at the clock and chuckles softly

Patting our egos as a doting mother

Picking twigs and clumps of dirt

From the hair of a wild girl

It moves steadily

As an old woman in a grocery store

Unimpressed with the produce selection

and indifferent of your wailing children

A clock may be the servant of time

But Man is the servant of both

And Man has chosen to shackle itself twofold

With one little invention

Original:

The clock at work read 10:15

The clock in the kitchen reads 3:24

A clock doesn't know about time

It only produces hand movements

A mechanical sign language understood

By the very hands that made them

To be a machine meant for such a purpose!

Expected to rule over its maker

Day to day to day

And not know what it is that you are doing

Knowing only that this screw turns this way

And this gear (if half-turning counter-clockwise)

will make you inch towards an image behind your hands

A clock gives us an impression of time

A time that matters only when we look at it

But time cares not for either of us

Time looks at the clock and chuckles softly

Patting our egos as a doting mother

Picking twigs and clumps of dirt

From the hair of a wild girl

It moves steadily

As an old woman in a grocery store

Unimpressed with the produce selection

and indifferent of your wailing children

A clock may be the servant of time

But man is the servant of both

And man has chosen to shackle itself twofold

With one little invention

Author's Note

Comments and criticisms welcome...

Reviews

[CLBombay]

I like this piece! I especially like the comparison you make with the lady in the produce section! Definitely helped me understand the essence of Time's attitude and personality.

There's one thing - you can call me a crazy feminist all of you want, but I am a proponent of not using the word, "Man," to represent humankind, because there are also women in this world as well. I know you mean to write it as a way to say "All of humankind," but using gendered language like that turned me off and just made me think of the fact that people are still saying the word "Man" to talk about the entire globe. I'm definitely not saying you're against women or others who don't identify as a specific gender. But I needed to point it out. If you disagree with me, that's totally fine. If you want to read more articles about the "gendered language" debate, just let me know. Thanks!

[James O'Rourke]

Thanks for the comments CLBombay. The old woman image in this piece seems to be a focal point for other readers. I may have a little more to tweak concerning her. Maybe her own poem?

As far as using the word "Man" to encompass the entire species: you were correct in saying it was not an intentional snub at women. It was simply how my mind was working at the time. I may or may not alter it. Thank you just the same for your input though. I will definitely check out some articles concerning the debate.

As always, thanks for taking the time to check out my work. Take care.

[Solar]

The revised version reads much better - especially where 4 lines were reduced to 3 - it makes the poem more effective for me.

[James O'Rourke]

Thanks for checking it out Solar. I think I like the direction my editing is going for this piece. I plan on tweaking it some more. I feel like I'm not quite saying it all the the best way I can. Thanks again for checking it out.

[Beccy]

I read this poem several times; found it fascinating. Each time I came back to the same line;

'A clock doesn't know about time,' that says it all really and how foolish we are to have becomes time's servants.

I particularly enjoyed the last but one stanza which painted a wonderful picture in the mind's eye of that indifferent old woman and the impatient, wailing children.


Beccy.

[James O'Rourke]

Thank you for checking it out Beccy. I'm glad that you found a few lines that you enjoyed and that some of my imagery played out well for you. Thank you again for the kind words.

[M. Shepherd]

In the second stanza I think you may need to somehow distinguish between the clock's hands and the man's hands referred to in the fourth line - maybe by putting "only" in front of "understood" and then some descriptive word in the fourth line that makes it clear it's the man's hands we've begun to talk about.

I love the second to last stanza, that's a very strong description of time.

Fourth line of third stanza a bit clunky and wordy.
The fourth stanza I don't think you need?

[James O'Rourke]

Thanks for the advice. I tested out your ideas for the fourth line of stanza 3 and the entire fourth stanza. After dumping them I realized that the poem runs much smoother. I still have some work to do on it though. Thank you for taking the time to check it out.