a soul's desire

a soul's desire

A Poem by sakshi arora
"

this is a poem that just suddenly popped up hope like it :) criticism also welcomed

"
bring me your tarnished heart 
and  i will polish it.

bring me your bounty of tears
and my touch will wipe it.

bring in your biggest fears 
and  i will hold your hand to pass it.

open your book of feelings 
 and i will dust off the pessimism that the ordeal has stored.

show me the storm in your head
and i will shelter you from the damage

just break the wall of this inhibition
and hug me with all your vulnerability 

i promise you would not feel guilty

this is a hidden wish of every soul 
to be bestowed upon 

love is the essence 
that this world thrives upon.

© 2015 sakshi arora


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SKY
Wow the real essence of life is all in your lines.............

this is a hidden wish of every soul
to be bestowed upon
love is the essence
that this world thrives upon.

You did a wonderful job my friend by sharing this, thanks a lot.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very true the last line. love is the essence that this world thrives upon. Good one girl

Posted 5 Years Ago


there are always two sides..one thats breaks..other that holds it together..your words rightly portrayed both the sides..hopes n fears..n love surely has that power to overcome all the fears to rise above everything..lov is hope in itself...another nicely written work..your strength is simplicity..thats where you move your readers with you..

Regards
Raj

Posted 5 Years Ago


very beautiful.......
i like the line of thoughts here......
well written.....lovely message!
i liked it!!!
:)

Posted 5 Years Ago


I think that you have good bones here but a slight tweaking is needed?

bring me your tarnished hear i will polish it. Missing the t and the I should be capitalized

these lines are perfect and compliment your opening

bring me your bounty of tears
my touch will wipe it.

open your book of feelings
i will clean the dust stored it it. Omit the second "it"

I will clean the dust and store it

some type of transition is needed here

this is a hidden wish of every soul
to be bestowed upon

love is the essence
that this world thrives upon.

Suggestion

bring me your tarnished heart and
I will polish it.

bring me your bounty of tears and
my touch will wipe it.

bring in your biggest fears as
I will hold your hand until it passes

open your book of feelings and
I will clean the dust off and store it.

for I know that this is the
hidden wish of every soul
to be bestowed upon

for love is the essence
that this world thrives upon.


as a rule I generally don't tweak someone's work but I thought it was easier for you to see the changes I made....at the end of the day trust your own voice.

Posted 5 Years Ago


sakshi arora

5 Years Ago

thank you for your valuable comment . a very constructive one i l make few changes :)
A very powerful and touching poem. Lovely, lovely and lovely...:)......

Posted 5 Years Ago


sakshi arora

5 Years Ago

thank u so much :)
Sami Khalil

5 Years Ago

You are welcome...:).........
"love is the essence
that this world thrives upon."
Love the ending !
This was such a nice poem!

Posted 5 Years Ago


sakshi arora

5 Years Ago

thank u so much :)
Cutteeeee..... lovelyy.. nice one!!

Posted 5 Years Ago


The poem touches my heart.
I love the sincerity expressed in the piece.

Sakshi,do you think that the meaning will be greatly changed if you omit 'and' at the beginning of the second line of the couplet?

Posted 5 Years Ago


sakshi arora

5 Years Ago

YEAH actually haha i edited t thanx for this constructive review :)
zainul

5 Years Ago

You are welcome,dear friend.
There is a typo in the first line.
'Heart' has lost ' t' an.. read more
"Love is the essence that this world thrives upon".....wonderful lines..... I wish if everyone starts to think like that then world will become a beautiful place to live in..... good one

Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on January 12, 2015
Last Updated on June 17, 2015

Author

sakshi arora
sakshi arora

new delhi, new delhi, India



About
i am an optimistic girl who loves her hobbies. i respect knowledge.i will appreciate honest comments.please don't send me read requests of stories and books as they don't interest me much more..

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