The Titanic's Ocean Grave

The crisp blue ocean rolls in, and ticklingly laps at my feet, while the grey and foggy distant shore tantalizingly hangs beyond the horizon. I look down, and see the clear, clear water. This is the North Atlantic. This is the mighty ocean empire that swallowed the Titanic. The Titanic is under this very water. The people aboard drowned in this very water. This is the water they died in. Cold, deep, and somber, it pulled them in, and snuffed out their flames. 

Chunks of ice and floes slide slowly by, as seagulls circle around them, unaware of what happened years and years ago, in 1912. Tiny chunks and particles of snow drift and fall into the water. They drift and dance, until finally, they are swallowed by the shimmering, emerald-green sea. 

Reviews

[The StoryTeller]

Wow, that's kind of haunting. It shows great reflection, and yet it's so... cold. That's not the right word. Chilling... I don't know, but it was beautiful, even with the darkness and remembrance of death. The fact of knowing that you are in the very place so many died... And that you could illustrate someone knowing that and how it affects them with such crystal clear description and words that are as clear as the water. i think it's amazing. Great job.

[W.k.kortas]

The description is very nice, excellent use of color and texture. I think the piece would work better laid out in verse, which I think might lead you to cut here and there where the repetition doesn't work as well, e.g, instead of "The people aborad drowned in this very water. This is the water they died in. Cold, deep, and somber..." I would try

The people aboard drowned in this very water,
Cold, deep and somber,
It pulled them in, and snuffed out their flames.

The piece doesn''t really require any apology as is, but I think with some tightening and re-formatting it could be something quite remarkable.

[MeghanA]

I liked it. I don't know what exactly, but something about this made me like it. wonderful job. what did I rate this?-100 😊

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you very much! It is great to see that you liked it so much! I appreciate it.

[Tim]

"The crisp blue ocean rolls in, and ticklingly laps at my feet, Chunks of ice and floes slide slowly by, as seagulls circle around them." Yikes, you must be freezing? haha I've read about that fateful night and enjoyed the movie (Decaprio and Winslet). The mystery of what was going through the minds of those who died is frightening to think of. I may write my own poem about it someday.

Good job.

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you, Autumn! It is quite chilling and haunting, isn't it?

[Valentine]

You write very well and I really like your word usage. Valentine

[roarke]

haunting. Sharp, penetrating imagery, nicely done.

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you, Roarke! I was kind of going for the concise feel in this piece.

[Einstein Noodle]

touches me .. i have never been one to enjoy the ocean except from on shore .. but this reminder of the loss of human life all across it's vast expanse deserves some reverence .. some pause to respect those souls that passed under and beyond our reach ..
have you recently gone on a voyage:)
E.

[Samuel Pennell]

Thanks, E! Your reviews are always so thoughtful and thought-provoking! I too have never really been the sea going type, but sometimes I need to sit back and respect the enormity of its empire. Sometimes I sit back in awe of its massive power.

[Skai Rain]

Your descriptions paint the picture wonderfully. You managed to make me interested in reading the story I've heard a million times before, which is good. Even if it was rather quick :)

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you, Brit. I was really aiming for that-the idea of taking a fresh approach to something that we have all hear about before. God bless, and than you for reading.

[wordman]

there has been many a man died in that ocean over the years
the titanic the most famous

[Samuel Pennell]

It is also interesting to think of all the souls lost on other voyages. The sea has swallowed many souls.

[wordman]

that's why so many treasure hunters

[Afraa]

Haunting, yet alluring. I love this piece, and you explained it flawlessly. I don't know why, but I feel like this beautiful piece should have been longer. Immersing and mesmerizing all at once. Great job on the attracting title, by the way. I saw this piece floating on the home page, and the title completely drew me in.

Thank you for sharing!

[Samuel Pennell]

Thank you so much. By your description, I can see that you really connected with it. As for the length of it, I see what you are saying, but I also felt like that was all I was inspired to write. That is all that would have been good. Thank you so much for reading.

[Afraa]

You're very welcome!